Don’t criticize the restaurant while you are waiting to be seated. You chose us. No one forced you to dine here.

Over the weekend a couple came in at 7:15 for a 7:30 reservation. Their table was ready, but I couldn’t seat them quite yet. That’s another story. It’s kind of important to the story to note that the gentleman was around 6’2”, extremely good looking and he carried himself as though he’d known this to be true his whole life.

So he’s wandering around the lobby, chatting, asking questions, regular chit chat.

Then he starts asking specific questions about the menu. He mentions that our menu isn’t on our website and this is bad for business. I explain that the owner embraced the idea that if you build it they will come and after three years he still believed that.

At which point, Mr 6’2” says he’s a marketing and sales manager and clearly the owners marketing strategies aren’t working.

I listen. Nod. Listen. Nod. Start thinking about what I’m going to have for dinner. Nod. Make a mental note to order new pants. Nod. Say uh huh. Nod. Think about how my last root canal was less painful. Finally realize it’s 7:30, interrupt him, and say their table is ready.

For a good ten minutes he went on and on about how not having the menu on our website wasn’t working.

Fun fact. It’s Saturday night. We are fully booked.

We were fully booked the night before that. And the night before that. And the night before that.

We’ve been fully booked since the beginning of August.

I wanted to ask him how what metrics he’d use to prove success or failure considering you can’t get a reservation in my restaurant unless you know someone. The marketing seems to be working but what do I know? I didn’t major in marketing. Perhaps one of my friends with that expertise could weigh in.

Before you ask, I was confused as to why the menu wasn’t posted.

Explanation: First you don’t have to update 10 sites every time you change it. Second, it creates intrigue. And promotes interaction with the restaurant when you have to reach out for information. And, the menu is out on the internets if you do a google search for it. Lots of people have posted it on social media.

And yes. It is working. It’s been a banner year and shows no signs of slowing down.

Unless being fully booked is somehow bad for business.

PS. Mr 6’2” extremely handsome sales and marketing guy only tipped 14%. Maybe he’s just bad with numbers.

I’ve enjoyed the response to my recent posts. They started as a way to respond to being verbally abused. They have grown from there.

I enjoy writing them and enjoying having the somewhat safe space to do so.

However, I should really point out that 99.999999 of our guests are supremely wonderful. They are gracious. Appreciative. Genuinely grateful to be eating at our restaurant.

Of course everything I’ve written is true, but it really is all about how you respond. My staff will tell you, at least my current staff, that I’m pretty good at diffusing the situation. I can turn most bad experiences around. As long as you aren’t an ass and don’t get personal.

For example, the gentleman with the three year old was pissssed when I sat him at the high top. He was pissssssed when I moved him to a low table. But on the way out he thanked me for accommodating their family.

It was my pleasure to do so, but it WAS not my mistake.

So enjoy my posts. But know the assholes do not outnumber the good. Not even close.

This post was sponsored by my aunt who was genuinely concerned I was having a rough time at work.

I love my new job. More than I have in four years. It truly is an amazing place to be.

Dining out tip:

There is no need to tell me who you are when calling for a reservation.

Whether in person, or in a message there is no need to say the following things:

1. Hi. This is Tim Jones. I’m a local.

2. Hi. This Sally Smith and I’m your neighbor from across the street.

3. Hi. This is Ethan Roberts and I own the local real estate office.

4. Hi. This is Jason Johnson and I was in on Saturday with 12 of my friends. We had a great time and spent tons on money. Can you help me out?

5. Hi. This is Laura Henderson and I am a friend of the owners. He said to call and you’d make me a reservation.

6. Hi. This is Bill Morgan and I own Costco and I need the best table for my family.

7. Hi. This is Kathy Booth and it’s my family’s last day in town and we must must must eat at your restaurant tonight.

8. Hi. This is Steven Lucas and it’s my 24th wedding anniversary and we can only eat at your restaurant to celebrate.

9. Hi. This Julia Jackson and I’m a local. Well, I own a home there and spend two months each year at the beach. I know the Johnsons , the Smiths, the Joneses, the McDonalds, and they all insist this is the restaurant I must eat at this weekend.

10. Hi. This is John. I’m a friend of the owner Taylor. We live next door to her. (Taylor, the owner is a man).

Here’s the deal. I want to say yes to everyone. It’s best for the business, the owner, me and you if the chairs are filled for dinner. So you letting me know who you are doesn’t change anything. If I have a seat to put you in, I’ll say yes.

Pushing the idea that because you are local will get you special treatment is far from true.

First, the real locals already know how to get a reservation. I gave them my personal cell number three weeks ago.

The real locals also never say they are locals because we know them.

It’s the summer crew who are in town at their summer home for six weeks that say this. They aren’t locals. To be a real local your great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents sailed here on the Mayflower and settled in town in 1692.

So when you call say, Hi, I was curious if you had any available reservations for Wednesday night, around 7:00. That’s all. If there is availability I will let you know. If I say no, ask about other times. Other days.

If I say yes, give me your information.

Also, if I say no, don’t demand I find a place for you.

The main dining room in my restaurant has 59 seats. I can’t magically produce a four top because you are desperate. Or own the local real estate office. Or because it’s your anniversary. Or because you insist. We are full. That’s that. I do have two seats at the bar. Will that work?

When the conversation is over. Say thank you, whether you got seats or not.

And remember, being nice goes so much further than anything else. Not that it will magically produce a table, but I will look harder, move things around, offer a table on a different day etc. I want to help you celebrate your anniversary.

PS. If there is silence when you ask the question it’s because the person who answered the phone is looking for a solution. Give them a minute. They might have something after all.

I learned a new life lesson during the stress of the evening.

It’s called Embracing the Baby.

Tonight we couldn’t print checks for our guests. We couldn’t print credit card signature forms.

A server, we’ll call Bob, because that’s his name was struggling with the stress.

However, he had a family at table 12 with a restless baby who needed to go. He couldn’t print their check. He couldn’t get a signed credit card slip.

Finally he walked up to the table, showed them a paper with the total and said, Can you sign this, add a tip if you like and you can go.

And they did.

And he explained, that once he embraced the baby, his whole night changed. More serene. Just get through the chaos. The worst was behind him.

Let’s all embrace the baby.