Please don’t make a reservation for six people at 5:15. When you know one person won’t arrive till 6:30.

The clock starts ticking when you sit. There’s a table behind you.

PS. This is why some restaurants won’t seat you till the party is complete.

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Not all alcoholic drinks can be made virgin. A woman tonight ordered an old fashioned with no bourbon. That’s just simple syrup and bitters.

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Don’t be mad about the corkage fee. Be glad we allow it. Yes it might seem silly to charge 40 bucks to open a bottle of wine but it’s to cover the cost of the wine we aren’t selling. 40 bucks is the cost of our cheapest bottle.

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If I fired you 8 years ago. I don’t have the mental capacity to think about you when you step into the lobby of my current restaurant. PS. I don’t even care that you wrote a ridiculous email to my boss to complain about me. It just makes me laugh.

That’s all. See you tomorrow.

In case you aren’t paying attention, October 1 was yesterday.

In much of the country people are thinking about pumpkin spice, mums, jackets and leaves changing color.

In Maine, we aren’t thinking about it. It’s fucking here. Most of the plants in our yard are dying. Most of my friends here have already used their heat. For some, they won’t turn it off again until May.

It’s a long way of saying, summer is over. Fall is here. It’s cold outside.

Tonight was no exception.

We are a restaurant with a beautiful patio. A rough version was set up last year. It was pimped out this spring. Electric. A full bar. Restrooms. More tables. Fire pit. It’s truly stunning.

It’s been very popular all summer.

Some nights we seat over a 100 people out there in a shift.

It is not weather proof. It does not protect you from the elements. You will get wet if it rains. You will get cold if the temperature turns.

However, we are in Maine.

People expect this. Especially in the time of COVID. They’ll put up with anything to eat out and not sit inside.

Tonight was cold.

But we still had over 40 reservations outside to start the night.

Service begins.

Many people check in for their patio reservations and say great as they head to the patio. Some have blankets. Hats. Coats.

A few wimps come in and ask to dine inside. A four top gets seated after someone cancels. Someone else moves to the bar. Most suck it up.

And then 7:00 rolls around and the Smith party walks in. It’s an older couple. Early 60’s.

I greet them. Ask if they have a reservation.

They do. At 7:00. On the patio.

I inform them of this and say my usual speech.

You all are on the patio. I’ll mark you as arrived and if you head back out the front door and around the building they’ll be expecting you when you get to the patio.

And then it begins.

We didn’t book the patio.

Uhm. Yes you did.

No we did not.

Yes. You did.

We did not.

I spin the IPad around and show them the reservation history. When it was made. By who. The table. The time.

They insist this is not the case.

Did I mention it’s 7:00?

We are going to seat 80 people in 30 minutes.

People are backing up.

I ask them to step aside. Let me seat the people waiting and I’ll see what I can do.

This happens.

I get back to them.

I move things around.

Roll the dice.

Tell them I can offer the bar. Or a high top in the dining room.

The say neither is acceptable.

I again say. Bar. High top. Their regular table on the patio.

The gentleman says, I guess we are eating at a high top.

The other host takes them to their table.

She appears 45 seconds later, wanting to know if they can sit at table 12. It’s a great table. But it’s now 7:15. Table 12 has a reservation at 8:00. And I can’t put the Jones party who reserved 12 at the high top.

I say no. The high top is their only choice.

The evening continues.

At 7:45. Table 12 calls to say they’ll be late. No big deal. It’s the last turn.

I’m standing at the host stand at 8:10 when the Smith’s come into the lobby as they are leaving.

I ask how their meal was.

They say great.

They start to leave.

They come back.

He says: I can’t help but point out to you that we stared at the empty regular table (12) and wondered why we couldn’t sit there.

I take a breath.

It seems you didn’t seat us there to be difficult.

I take a breath.

I finally say, I’m sorry. At least it wasn’t outside.

At which point he doubles down.

I say, that table 12 is late. I had no idea you’d eat in under an hour. And let me remind you that I was able to move you inside when you reserved the patio.

He pushes back.

We did not reserve that patio.

And why are you seating out there with no heat?

I’m annoyed.

I breathe.

I say, it’s very expensive to use heaters. Plus it’s a Maine.

He kind of shouts that we should have closed the patio.

I say we’ve sat over 40 people out here tonight.

The wife gets involved.

We are not from here but this doesn’t seem right. We were in Acadia, Camden etc and everyone says they’ll be closed next week. You should close.

I say we are a year round restaurant. And remind them them that I got them a table inside.

They tell me we should close and leave.

Seriously.

I found you a table, when we had reservations rivaling August.

No appreciation. No thank you.

Just how we disappointed you.

A server appears to ask a question. She was listening to the back and forth. Just out of sight.

I ask if I was rude

She says, seriously they are from somewhere else telling you to close the restaurant because it’s cold.

She’s irate.

I’m just annoyed.

Tonight I had a woman come in and say that she had a reservation for three at the bar.

The woman she was with said she had a reservation for three on the patio.

I asked them to explain.

Seems they made two in case the weather was bad.

After my head exploded, I asked them which one they wanted to keep.

The patio.

I send them out back and go back to seating the 17 two tops we have at 5:30.

About 15 minutes later both of the ladies are standing in front of me again.

They have decided it’s too cold for the patio. Can they please move inside. Ugh.

There original spot is still available so I get them seated.

But they have annoyed me.

They kept other people from booking because it appears we have no reservation when they are holding two spots.

So please.

Choose.

Make a decision.

Stick with it.

My friends from last night left a Yelp review today.

I’ve been demoted from Maitre’d to host. My life is seriously in shambles.

That being said, I’ve never boss hogged anyone before. Curious what that entails since I’ve never heard of it before.

Enjoy!

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Had dinner reservations for my father in-laws Bday..

We have been here many times and the food has been amazing.

Unfortunately I will never go back because when we were waiting to be seated we walked up to the bar and the host Jeff aggressively came up like he was a bouncer and loudly said.

Jeff: Hey you guys you can’t just belly up to the bar and order drinks go back to the waiting area.

Allen: Why is that I’m confused who are you.

Jeff: (disregarding my questions) There are other customers that are sitting and we don’t want you standing behind them we don’t want the spread of Covid.

The guy Jeff is the host but he never told us who he was just ran up and boss hogged us back to the waiting area.

I will say there are no local or government restaurant mandated Covid restrictions and if there were we would and will follow them.

My advice is Lost Fire needs to put somebody with a softer personality in the front of the house because somebody with an aggressive personality will turn people away it sure did change my opinion.

We don’t allow people to congregate at our bar. The rule was put into place during COVID. It was there when I started. I enforce it.

For a couple of reasons.

First

When five, six, ten people get together they become loud, etc. They also they don’t spend as much money as people who come to the bar for dinner.

Second.

Our bar is often 100% reserved for dinner. Since I became GM I’m often able to turn the bar almost 3 times a night. So if someone bellies up to the bar, they are disturbing people who are spending 100’s of dollars on dinner, just so they can spend 20 on two drinks.

Tonight at 6:45 a party of 6 showed up for their 7:00 reservation.

I greeted them. Checked them in and told them we’d get them seated as soon as their table was ready.

I notice a couple of the men go into the bar but it appears they are going to the restroom. I go back to greeting people.

It’s busy.

More of the 6 tops party goes into the bar and I realize they are gathered at an open spot at the bar trying to get drinks.

I approach them and explain they can’t do this. That they’ll have to wait till they are seated.

They get angry. They want to know why.

I explain that because of COVID we only allow people to be served if they are seated. One of them says he was trying to sit there. I explain that they can’t sit there because I have reservations coming in. They are finally moving to the lobby getting angrier by the minute.

One of them begins to curse.

Not at me.

For me.

So I’ll know he’s angry.

This is fucking stupid. We are never coming back. This is ridiculous.

I go back to work.

He keeps mouthing.

COVID is over. I can’t wait till this bullshit over.

When LePage is in charge we’ll finally be able to say fuck this.

There are no restrictions about standing at a bar. This is all made up.

I seat some people.

I come back. The food runner who’s helping me says that they called me an asshole and wanted to know my name. They tell her I was rude and completely inappropriate in how I handled the situation.

I truly find it truth telling when people get angry when they are told they’ll have to wait to get a drink. I’d love to start handing out a schedule of AA meetings in town with a copy of the 12 steps.

I digress.

Their table is finally ready. I send them along with the person helping me.

The oldest of the group stays behind to chat with me.

I truly hope he curses at me. Then I can show them out.

Instead he grabs my arm which is on the host stand and explains he’s talking to me as a friend.

He IS not my friend.

And proceeds to tell me that I was rude and could have handled the situation so differently.

I don’t say a word.

Although it takes everything in me to say:

DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!

Finally he finishes and goes to his table.

I don’t see them again. They left through the back door so I never had the opportunity to say thank you. Have a good night when they left.

I can’t wait till they call to complain tomorrow. Guess who answers the phone at work? The ONLY person who answers the phone at work.

ME!!!

Tonight a regular from the restaurant I worked at earlier this year came in for dinner with his husband and two friends.

It reminded me of the second time he came to the other restaurant.

He and his partner own three small inns in the town. He was in love with the restaurant after his first visit. He would call to make reservations for his guests but could never get through. I finally gave him my cell phone number to make it easier.

Fast forward a week or so later and he and 7 friends come in for dinner.

I’m at the host stand and seat him at table 43/44.

I go back to work.

A while later my phone rings in my pocket. I pull it out and it’s this guest calling me.

For the life of me I can’t figure out what’s going on.

I answer.

He says hello, then proceeds to ask me if he might get some service.

He’s been at the table for more than 20 minutes and no one has been there yet.

I’m horrified.

I go to the table. Get a drink order. Get it started at the bar and then find their server.

He has no excuse. Can’t even explain where he’s been or what he was doing.

I see the guest one more time before I leave. He’s at the bar and we joke about the previous experience.

When I left, I called him to tell him I was leaving but did not share where I was going.

It was nice to see him tonight.

Also found out today the year round restaurant is closing for the winter on October 3.

I dodged a bullet there.

Money can’t buy everything.

My restaurant is in the middle of nowhere. 3 miles from town center. We are also in the middle of nowhere in a town that is the size of a postage stamp.

This presents lots of problems. The least of which is that transportation around town is hard to come by if you aren’t driving. It’s so bad that most of the resorts have their own shuttles.

Multiple times this summer we’ve had people stranded after dinner. They get an Uber then turns out they’ve stopped driving when it’s time to go home.

And this happened again tonight.

I know this because a man approached the host stand and said, I’ll pay a hundred dollars to anyone who will drive us back to our hotel.

I ask him to explain.

He’s serious.

I ask him who he thinks I could get to do this.

He says. Surely someone in the restaurant can drive him home.

I say like who.

He says a cook? A server? A dishwasher?

I almost laughed as I explained that we were in the middle of dinner service and if he could wait till 10:30 I’m sure someone could take home home.

He looked angry. And asked if I was serious. I again explained that we don’t just have extra folks in the kitchen waiting around for something to do.

He grunted snd walked away. I didn’t see him again so he must have gotten a ride.

I just looked it up. It’s only an hour walk to town center from our restaurant.

Perhaps I’ll share that next time.

I’m a big picture sort of guy.

I see the big stuff. I’m sometimes lacking in the small details.

This was especially true when I was designing. It’s the reason I sucked as an assistant. I never enjoyed it. And I only did it when I had to. As the LD I always had great assistants who kept up with the paperwork. Translated my notes. Did the little stuff.

As a general manager this continues to be true.

I focus on the big picture. My assistants do the little stuff. The few places this doesn’t occur is financial matters. I double cross my T’s when it comes to payroll etc.

This doesn’t mean I miss things at service. There are things I’m always watching for. Listening for etc. but I’ve always counted on my assistants to do the small stuff. I’d also like to say I’ve had great assistants. I was in good hands.

Which brings me to today.

I don’t have an assistant.

It’s just me.

I do all the lifting. All the detail work. Which is fine until it isn’t.

Tonight we hosted another event. The second since my arrival. A post wedding after party. 10:45 till 12:30. For a ridiculous amount of money.

I negotiated the event. Food. Time. Bar. Cost.

Everyone was happy.

So I needed to send them a contract. I’ve always had a person for this. It’s just me now. So I reached out to a friend for help.

She sent me a sample contract. I edited it to suit my needs.

Saved it as a pdf. Sent it off.

But.

I failed to realized it was 13 pages. I saw the first 3. The last 10 were disclaimers that has nothing to do with me. Or our event.

The couple called confused.

I apologized.

Owned the mistake. Said to them exactly what I’ve said to you.

Fixed the mistake.

Sent it back.

Except since I’d negotiated their agreement, I’d sent out four more proposals for the same kind of event.

I looked at the wrong notes and the dollar amount I entered was more.

They called.

I explained.

I fixed it.

Sent it back.

Now they had issue with the financials. They didn’t understand the charges. I didn’t quote them a dollar per person. Typically 100 wedding guests. 100 dollars per person. You know your cost. In this case it was a minimum they had to meet. That they’d never meet because they were paying for us to stay open late. Not for a dollar per person. An amount. It had to be a food and beverage minimum so that I could add tax and service charge to pay the staff.

I adjusted the wording. Sent it back.

This happened two more times.

They signed. Everything was good.

I have to say. I felt like an idiot. But as I said to them. I’ve always had a person who wrote the contract using a catering program. This person collected deposits, created the BEO’s etc. I’m just trying to make sure I can get us through service.

Fast forward to today.

First few people arrive. An aunt. Who is super sweet. I give her a tour. She’s excited to come back with friends.

Then a man approaches. He introduces himself as the grooms father. And for the next 15 minutes does everything he can to make me feel like more of an idiot about the contract. He reminds me that they are doing us a favor by being here. We are making lots of money. I can only apologize and hope he goes away soon.

He ends by asking if he could go ahead and take care of the tab.

Ugh.

I explain I can take his card information but I won’t know the tab details until the end of the night as it’s a cash bar that will be subtracted from the minimum and he’ll pay the rest. He acts like I’ve just suggested he hand over the keys to his Porsche. He says he’ll deal with it at the end of the night.

I walk away feeling like an idiot.

12:45 rolls around and it time to settle up. He approaches. I run a report and we’ve sold hardly anything. I show it to him. I think he’s going to fight this. He clearly thought it would have been more. It was 45 people who’d already had too much to drink. They spent very little money.

I explain all this. He reluctantly gives me his card after conferring with his son.

I go to the POS. Run the card.

It’s declined.

I run it again.

It’s declined.

I very quietly approach him and say so.

He gives me another card. It goes through.

But there was quiet satisfaction as I took it back to him to sign our copy.

I’ll be better about the details next time. I am teachable. And I hardly ever make the same mistake twice.

I wasn’t the only person to feel like an idiot tonight.

There was nothing abnormal about the day.

Slept great. Up on time. Left on time. Got to work on time.

Coffee was already made.

There were 28 messages when I hit the button.

Today though I had to call patio guests to cancel their reservations as rain was forecasted tonight.

I pick up the phone and it’s nothing but static.

Ugh.

I dial. I hear the person say hello. He can’t hear me.

I hang up. Call back. Same.

Three more times.

I give up and call our phone guy. On my cell.

Phone rings. I pick up. Static. I give up.

I do other things wondering how I’m going to let people know their reservations are going to be inside or cancelled.

About an hour later the phone rings. I ignore it. The machine picks up. The person leaves a message. I can hear the static. But also the person.

They hang up.

I pick up the phone. I dial.

Static.

But someone answers. They can hear me. I can hear them.

I make my phone calls. It’s annoying. But working.

I get through the reservations.

I start to call my voicemails.

The second lady has questions about the patio.

She asks them.

I answer the simple question.

She doesn’t understand.

She asks the same question a different way.

I answer.

She doesn’t understand.

I feel myself get cranky.

She asks another question.

I answer.

Short. And snarky.

Question.

Snarky answer.

We finish.

I hang up.

Make the next call.

All the while hating how I handled the last call. I leave a massage. Put the phone down.

Next call.

I get through them all.

All the while thinking about the patio phone call.

So I said fuck it.

Picked up the phone and called her back.

She answered and I explained who I was and said that I was calling to apologize for being short on the phone. She assured me that I was not and I said thank you but I wasn’t as nice as I like to be. We chatted for about five minutes. She appreciated the phone call.

I felt better.

All was good.

Except that she showed up at 7:00 without a reservation to sit on the patio.

That was closed.

On Wednesday, I got a call from a guy named David who was calling to buy his friend dinner at the bar. I took his information. Made a note on the reservation and all was set.

His friend’s reservation was at 6:00. She arrived alone at 5:50. I sat her at the bar. She was very attractive. She reminded me of the hostesses at swanky restaurants that I couldn’t afford in New York. Tight dress. Heels. Perfect long brown hair, flowing down her shoulder.

She ordered a drink.

And waited.

And waited.

And.

Waited.

We all began to talk.

Was she being stood up? If she was waiting on a date, why did someone call to pay for the meal?

And she waited.

Her friend finally arrived at 8:00. She was just as attractive. Just as perfect.

The immediately ordered.

A 2” porterhouse.

As beautiful as they were.

45 minutes to cook.

They did this not knowing their meal was paid for.

She was ecstatic to learn that her friend David had called and paid.

She came up to make a reservation for tonight.

Two people at 6:00.

So tonight begins.

And 6:00 comes and goes and she’s a no show.

I mark her as such and move on with my night.

At 7:30 I look up and guess whose standing in front of me. She tells me in her thick accent, did I mention she is foreign, that she’s here for her reservation.

I explain that it was for 6:00. We are booked. The earliest I could get her a seat at the bar is 8:30. She’s not happy. But she takes it. She sits down in the lobby and waits about 6 seconds before she comes back to the host stand.

She swings her hair, pushes out her bottom lip, and asks, “Are you sure it’s going to be 8:30? Is there nothing you can do?”

I’m just standing there. Watching a 26 year old really hot girl flirt with an overweight middle aged gay man, thinking that her pouty lip and the toss of her hair is going to whoo me into bumping someone’s reservation.

I tell her no.

I get the feeling she’s not used to being told no by middle aged straight men.

I was flattered. But I’m thinking to myself, honey you’re gonna need a different trick for this to work.

I assured her I’d get her seated as quickly as possible but in the meantime there was nothing I could do.

She waited. With her sister.

Was seated a little after 8:00.

Ordered another 2” porterhouse that she paid for on her own.

PS. Mr Douglas from last night cancelled.