Yesterday I posted a Yelp review that mentioned me by name.

A relative suggested that I probably was rude in my approach. More aggressive than I needed to be. And ultimately the guest’s response was justified.

Hmmm.

I want to address what it’s like to work in the public in the time of COVID.

Yes.

It’s possible I was a little more aggressive than I needed to be.

That’s definitely possible.

But I’ll start by saying that managing in the days of COVID, strike that, working any service job, in the time of COVID is unlike anything in the past.

Everyday, millions of people just like me, open the doors to their restaurants, retail outlets, airlines, hospitals, hoping against hope that today will not be the day they get mentioned on the NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt.

Working in the public has always been hard. And I’ve seen lots of things in my 40+ years of doing it. A manager who was hit in the head with a ketchup bottle for telling a woman to stop beating her child. An employee of color who was fired and arrested when she slapped a guest who told her she belonged in the kitchen with the rest of the n_gg__s. A 19 year old server bawling in the kitchen because a man had decided it was okay to run his hand up her backside. A server crying because a man asked her if her parents were proud of her just being a server. A guest who said he wasn’t tipping the valets because their not being in chains was tip enough.

Yes. Working in the public has always presented its challenges.

Since COVID, the era of our last administration, and the bigger division of the right and left the whole saga has gotten worse.

Not only have the guests gotten more entitled, they have become more aggressive. More angry. More vicious. More unrelenting.

There’s a reason these stories make the news. Servers getting punched. Spit on. Even shot in a couple of cases.

I’m not exaggerating my stories.

So let me tell you what I’ve learned in my 40 years of restaurant work and almost ten years of management.

You can never show fear. You can never let them see you be intimidated. You have to have a wide stance, and unwavering voice, and an air of authority.

It also helps to be 6’0” 250+ pounds and definitely a man. Being white doesn’t hurt either.

Why do I say this?

Because for ten years as a GM, guests have been insanely angry at an 18 year old female host, but their tune changes when I walk up behind the employee and say how can I help you?

Never have I been asked to get the real manager when I’ve spoken to someone. My female friends get asked all the time for them to get the person in charge. Even though they are the GM. All I ever get is what is your name and who owns the restaurant?

For the past two summers I’ve been beaten up daily for just enforcing the rules. Yes, you have to wear a mask. No you can’t stand there. Yes you must remain seated.

Everything changed last year. Restaurants pivoted. Then pivoted again. Then pivoted again, just to survive. For those on the front lines, some things changed daily. Yes we do take out. No we don’t do take out. Yes you can sit at the bar. No you can’t. This table is off limits. Now it’s not.

I get that they public is confused. But it’s been 20 months. Seriously. Stop acting shocked.

Add to that the constant state of being short staffed and it just gets worse .

Last summer I worked 5+ weeks of 70+ hours. This year since the end of April I’ve worked more than 60 hours a week. I have worked six days work weeks since the end of June.

I’m fucking tired.

So yes.

It’s possible I was not as sweet, and lovely, and full of rainbows as I could have been.

I go to work expecting the worst. Because you can only get punched so many times before you square off to avoid the punch.

However.

And I repeat.

However.

I’m very good at my job. And I’m very good at turning situations around. Once this summer a bartender who had a super pissed off guest, asked me how I do it, when I visited the guest, chatted her up and turned the situation around. She was eating out of my hand when I left the bar.

I’ve also been known to apologize to a guest when I am wrong as I admitted last week right here on this site.

So yes. I might have been a bit aggressive.

But based on their response. Probably not.

Based on the review. Probably not.

They would have reacted the same no matter how I started. Except, if I’d shown weakness they’d have probably called me an asshole to my face instead of saying it the 15 year old female host standing beside me. Or to the 45 year old female server who waited on them.

If they truly had balls, they would have marched up to the owner who is cooking in our open kitchen and said something to him.

But no.

They grumbled under their breath. Complained to people who couldn’t address the situation and then took their complaint to Yelp.

You know what they also did NOT do?

They did not respond to the survey they get from their reservation. No follow up. No comments that go directly to all the management team. Nope. Not at all.

So I’ll repeat. Yes! I might have been less kind than I could have been. But I seriously I don’t think that was the case.

And please! Who announces they are never eating at a restaurant again? Before their meal. Then spends $500 dollars. If I were as pissed off as they pretended to be I’d have left and gone to one of the 50 other residents in a 20 minute drive in the area.

Nope.

Not buying it.

So my friends in the service industry:

Especially my female friends, and friends of color.

Don’t tolerate the bullshit. Wide stance. Direct eye contact. Unwavering voice.

And if that doesn’t work get yourself a boss like me. Who has no trouble supporting his staff. Has no trouble saying you have to go.

On my third or fourth week i had the host seat a table. The host came back to say the guest was unhappy. It was a walk in. Saturday night. I go to the table. The many is angry. He begins to curse. I interrupt him and explain, that he no longer had an option to sit there. He’s not sitting anywhere. He cursed. He goes. I walk him out of the restaurant. I didn’t know this till later. As I’m walking across the dining room my boss leans over to my friend Joe and says Jeff’s going to get a bad review today. Then chuckled.

He was not upset. He supported my decision to not tolerate the bullshit.

So seriously. Get yourself a manager who supports you.

Cause I’m that guy. You deserve that guy.

PS. Adults should learn that the word no is not a personal affront to your manhood. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. I promise.