You know what absolutely no one tells you as you embark on the role of restaurant manger?

That you have to literally know everything.

About everything.

I often wonder if there’s a class about this in restaurant management school.

Seriously though.

You have to have the obvious leadership skills. You have to know accounting. It helps to know basic culinary skills.

Things they don’t tell you.

You need a PhD in psychology for all the relationship advice you will give.

You’ll need a PhD in chemistry so that you can get an oil stain off a silk blouse when your new server spills salad dressing down the back of their first guest.

Let’s not forget a computer science degree from MIT to keep your POS going on Saturday night of the busiest night of the year.

You’ll need to be a licensed plumber to diagnose and remedy the awful smell coming from the women’s room.

Three restaurants. Same problem.

A medical degree helps when your new host OD’s in the office while filling out his new hire paper work.

A certificate in small appliance repair when the coffee maker and glass washer both stop working. At the same time.

A licensed electrician when the breaker keeps tripping that controls the sockets where the band plugs in.

A sound design degree when the speakers keep feeding back when the groom is trying to toast his bride.

Why am I posting this?

Because when something goes wrong everyone comes running asking you to fix it.

It’s always an emergency.

Oh no!!

The music has stopped.

There’s no coffee

The hoods are off.

A server cut their hand in the kitchen.

And tonight.

The bar printer isn’t working.

It’s 5:15. We’ve sat two tables. Two drink orders. Both printed at the back up printer.

Oh. No.

This breeds panic as the last time this happened, twenty minutes later the whole POS was fucked.

In 16 seconds, five servers let me know the bar printer is not working.

Oh. No.

I go into my phone booth.

Strike that.

I spin around and around and become Wonder Woman and put on my IT hat.

I go to the bar.

My first thought? Does it have paper? But no that is not the problem. It’s something so much more complex.

Oh no.

Can it be fixed?

Someone has turned it off.

Seriously.

I flip the switch.

A bright light shines down from the heavens.

Actually it’s just the green power light.

All is good in the world.

I go back to the door.

Did I mention that I’m also a host?