My first Dear GM question:

Last night I ate out with my family at a restaurant we frequent regularly , we order well and usually have a couple of bottles of nice wine. My sister is friends with the owner, she’s probably there at least once a week, eating at the bar, etc..

We split several dishes between us. Restaurant is smallish and so is the excellent menu.
Among other dishes, my sisters and I ordered a duck bucatini & strip steak.

The waitress brought 2 plates of pork Bolognese. We told her that wasn’t what we had ordered and that we don’t eat pork. She returned with the same plates of Bolognese and we insisted again that we had ordered the bucatini and told her to take the Bolognese back. We wanted bucatini.

I eventually told her not to worry about it; everyone has that kind of moment. We ate the strip steak.

When she returned she brought 2 plates of bucatini. We were surprised, but figured it was a lovely and generous gesture since everyone else had finished their meals by this time.

Then the bill came: we were charged for 2 bucatini.

What to do?

We called the waitress over and went over it all. She got angry and walked away, saying “fine, “* I’ll pay for it, myself!*”.. She was having a bad night. Another person on the wait staff came by and said that although we had gotten the 2nd plate in error, that our “bellies were fuller”.

They ended up taking one of the bucatini off the bill, and we increased the tip amount to cover any charges the waitress incurred. However the whole thing left a bad feeling after an overall pleasant evening.

The waitress wouldn’t look at us as we left although she had been our server a number of times and we knew her by name.

We had clearly misread her 2nd error as a lovely gesture.

What do you think?

My response:

Hello.
First you did nothing wrong. While I do NOT agree that the guest is always right, mistakes do happen. Any good server, manager, or owner knows this. The key is to own the mistake and not to make excuses for it, blame it on someone else, and to immediately seek a solution to the problem.

For example, if you ordered a medium steak and it comes out medium rare, alert the server and have them ask the chef to give it a little more fire. It should take no more than 7 ir 8 minutes to get it back. And don’t be afraid to send it back. In all my years, no one sabotages the food. If you went to Macy’s and bought pants that were too small would you be afraid to take them back? You should always get what you ordered.

Something to remember in this scenario, especially in more upscale establishments is that the food is made to order so if the reverse happens if you ask for medium rare and it comes out medium well. Be prepared to wait. This is especially true during slower periods. When the restaurant is busy, they probably already have a version of your dish being prepared for someone else and they bump that dish to yours and start a new one for the guest who hasn’t gotten their food yet. But know that it is possible your replacement may take up to 15+ minutes.

If you do wait for 15+ minutes it is the restaurant’s discretion as to whether any discount should apply. I usually base my decision on how long you waited, how bad the mistake was, and whether additional apologies are needed. Not every mistake warrants the same response. I will say that I tend to be more generous to people who are gracious. If you are difficult, challenging, or rude in any way I am way less likely to extend any extra generosity. The truth is if you ordered it, and consumed it, ultimately you should pay for it. Just like at Macy’s if they deliver the wrong item, they usually don’t let you get the replacement for free.

As for the server’s response: Servers are a delicate bunch. Their jobs are hard, stressful and not for the weak of heart. Trust me. I waited tables off and on from 17 until I was 45. The whole situation would have gone differently if she’d just replied, “Oh no. Of course, I’ll get that corrected and bring what you wanted right out. However, there is a sense of pride that rests in a lot of hospitality workers and they have an undeclared need to be right. I’ve seen server’s die on this sword, when a simple let me get that corrected for you would have sufficed.

By the time you asked for the item that you didn’t order to be taken off the check the manager should have been involved. You could have described the problem and it’s truly a 15 second fix. They brought you something you didn’t order. You ate it. You’d be surprised how often this happens, especially if you know the chef, manager, owner, it’s not uncommon to have items brought to your table as a surprise.

It’s also a myth that servers have to pay for their mistakes, assuming that the owner isn’t unscrupulous. Mistakes are made every night. The cost is built into the price of the items you do order. The server’s attitude speaks to her own performance and nothing you did. She should have owned the mistake, had the manager remove the item, come back to the table and apologize. However, she’s been my co-worker and she’s worked for me…servers who take everything as a personal affront to their abilities. I have to admit in my 20’s I might have been the same. It was never my fault. As you age, you discover that taking the higher road is actually easier. It results in less stress and ultimately keeps everyone happy.

Truly, it was probably not you she was responding to. It’s the two ladies who came in for lunch and tipped her 5%. It’s the older couple who complained about the music, the air conditioning, the French fries and the coffee. It’s the business man who ran his hand down her backside as he bent over to get his napkin. It’s the owner who yells when mistakes are made and doesn’t allow for their staff to be human. I’ve talked about getting beaten up as a manager, but if I’m the leader, the serving staff are the soldiers on the front line. They take so much abuse that anyone who has never served would understand.

It was all of these things, none of them your fault. I love that you chalked it up to her having a bad day. I love even more that you tipped well, in spite of the events of the evening. Hopefully, she’ll remember that when you and your sister return.