In 13 years of dining out with Adam, either alone or with friends, we’ve never had a situation where we’ve had two reservations at the same restaurant. You know why? Because we talk to each other.

So imagine my surprise when Mr. Smith showed up with a reservation for three at 5:30, along with Mrs. Smith who had a reservation for three at 5:30.

And it’s for the same three people.

They would know they had two reservations because our system sends two texts day of. They would have gotten four.

And to make matters worse, they both insist they reserved three seats at the bar. They swear this.

Fun fact: You cannot reserve three seats at the bar under one reservation without calling the restaurant.

They agreed to be seated at a table.

Tonight they were reasonable. Over the summer Mr Smith verbally assaulted a host. This was before I started.

All is well.

Then:

The host gets a call early in the evening for someone looking for an 8:30 reservation. She explains that 8:00 is the latest we can do.

So at 7:50 two people check in for the reservation. I’m standing there when they come in. It’s a regular. The host greets them, and says she can get them seated.

As she walks them into the dining room the gentleman tosses his coat at the host doing his best Miranda Priestly imitation.

Fun fact: We have neither a coat check or coat rack. I’m not sure what he thought she was going to do with the coat.

She seats them.

Their friends didn’t show until 8:35.

35 minutes late.

They are told they have to order immediately because it’s been 20 minutes since the last order left the kitchen. Remember the fire???

I’d also told the server they could NOT order any of our cellar cuts.

Why you ask?

Because our cellar cuts are 2” thick. They take 45 minutes to cook to medium rare. It’s 8:45 when they finally order. We aren’t going to cook for 45 minutes at this point. We also aren’t going to keep a full staff for 45 extra minutes more importantly.

Their food goes out.

And all is good.

Except. They sit. And sit. And sit.

At 10:30 they ask to order another bottle of wine.

At this point it’s me, the executive sous chef, and the server left in the building. The last other guests left at 10:00.

I tell the server to apologize, but that they can’t have another bottle of wine.

To quote the executive sous chef: Read the room!

They leave around 20 minutes later.

We are there another 15 minutes while the server cleans up, cashes out. We finally walk out a little after 11.

All in a nights work.