Birthdays are the worst. The absolute fucking worst.

First.

Half of the world thinks you deserve something free on your birthday. Dessert. Dinner. An app.

Another half run around being all sneaky so you can deliver a dessert with a candle as if Burt didn’t know you were there celebrating his birthday. It’s just a coincidence that you invited him to dine with you on his birthday.

Others want a birthday song. Bennigan’s ruined it for us. Happy Happy Birthday. Ugh.

At the Hard Rock we did shout outs.

Screaming as loud as you could.

CAN I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION. THIS IS SALLY. TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY. ON THE COUNT OF THREE WERE GOING TO WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY. ONE. TWO. THEEE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Today a woman comes in and says she’s here for her reservation. She’s early.

She then explains it’s her friends birthday and wants to know if we do desserts?

What does that even mean?

No. We are an upscale restaurant but if you want dessert you have to drive they Dunkin Donuts.

Do you mean free desserts? No. We don’t give you free stuff for being born.

Order dessert. Tell your server. They’ll put a candle in your chocolate cake.

Oh.

And yes.

You may bring in your own dessert. Be it cake. Cupcakes. Cheesecake. Pie. Scones. Hershey bars. Ice cream.

But there will be a $5 plating charge. Not because we do anything. But to cover the coat of you NOT ordering dessert from us.

So have a birthday.

We all do.

But know, we won’t give you anything free. We won’t do a shout out, unless you give me $20, but we will give you a candle.

I never stop for food on my way home. Never.

Tonight however, I was craving Burger King. This is especially important because I’ve been eating super healthy since the start of the new year.

So I get in line.

There were about 8 cars ahead of me. This shouldn’t take long.

It’s also a situation where once you are in line, you are in line. You can’t escape.

So I pick up my phone, check email, look at Facebook.

We are not moving.

Finally a car goes through. Then another.

Then nothing. No movement at all.

20 minutes and I’ve moved two cars.

Finally we move again.

The car in front of me gets to the speaker. The person says, I’ll take your order in a few minutes we have around 50 Door Dash orders. The guy in the car says I am from Door Dash. He’s told to pull around.

I get to the speaker.

Hi. I’ll be with you in a moment.

I start to drive off but at this point it’s been 30 minutes. What’s a few more minutes?

Finally I give my order. I drive around.

There are no cars in the line.

I get to the window and the guy in the car behind me is giving a crazy complicated order. Special requests. Separate orders. The guy on register is trying to be calm but you can tell he’s frazzled.

He finishes the order and looks at me. He looks like he’s going to cry.

I ask how he’s doing.

He says at the moment they have 50+ door dash orders. A line of cars. And it’s only him and one other employee in the building.

I smile and tell him that I understand. Just to breathe and it won’t last forever. It will end eventually. It always ends.

He nods.

He says another employee should be there any minute now.

He hands me my drink. My food. I remind him to breathe.

I felt bad for him. I’ve been there. I wish I’d had a way to help.

I drive away. Eating my cold French fries.

We were busy tonight. The busiest we’ve been since last October. We were also down a host. So I had to spend more time at the door than usual.

At around 7:10 I’m at the host stand trying to get our reservations sat. The host is seating. I’m at the door.

A man walks up and asks if we have a sommelier.

The following is just my opinion:

The people who ask if we have a sommelier are not REAL wine people. If they were they’d look at our wine list, see that we only have a handful of wines over $100 and know that we don’t have a sommelier. They’d also know, that a restaurant our size, couldn’t afford a sommelier with our volume and prices.

Don’t get me wrong. We have a perfectly respectable wine list. But it’s meant to be approachable. It’s also meant to be affordable. We do have a few things on our list for the more adventurous or wealthy diner.

So I’m approached and asked if we have a sommelier. I explain we do not. And I ask if I can help.

He say’s, well what do you recommend?

Remember, I’m at the host stand. Trying to get people seated.

And I’ve just been asked what I recommend.

No questions about varietals. No mention of what they are eating. No mention of anything.

I recommend the Sutter Home White Zinfandel if your having the rib basket at Applebees. I’d recommend a sparkling rose if you’re sitting by the pool in August. I recommend a big bold Cabernet if you’re having a well done Wagyu tomahawk ribeye. I recommend a Sauvignon Blanc if your date stood you up. I recommend a bourbon neat if you’ve been at work 4 hours and you’re being asked crazy questions.

I ask him where he’s seated explaining that I’ll send someone to answer his questions.

He says, his servers already been there. Could I get someone to help him here.

Here’s standing in front of wine storage.

I say give me a second and I’ll see what I can do.

I now have a line at the door.

I go back to hosting. 10 minutes pass. He’s still there.

More hosting.

10 more minutes. He’s still there.

The truth is. My bartenders are buried. I’m buried. His server is his best hope but he’s not going back to his table.

I finally look up and he’s going outside.

I have no idea why.

A couple of minutes later he’s back.

Still waiting.

I ask the host to cover the door.

A round the corner to try and help him.

I apologize for the delay. Explain we are busy.

And he exhales and begins to ask questions.

The exhale has covered me in cigarette smoke. It’s in my eyes. My mouth. My nose. I can’t breathe. I can’t talk. I’m distracted.

He’s concerned that we don’t list vintages on the menu.

I explain we’ve had supply issues and we have to accept what’s available.

He asks about the reserve list. I explain they are on the menu.

He then asks about the not on the menu list?

I tell him I have no idea what he’s talking about.

He points to some masking tape on the wine cooler and says what’s what? The tape says off menu….

Seriously. We don’t have a secret menu. It’s marked so the servers can find what they need.

He asks about an Argentine wine I’ve never heard of.

I say as much.

THEN.

He asks if I know anything about wine.

It’s taken as the insult he meant it as.

I look at him and say just enough to be dangerous.

He’s annoyed.

I’m still tasting cigarettes.

And he’s now been away from his table for 30 minutes trying to impress someone.

He leaves.

I’m still tasting the lovely aromatic tastes of Marlboro Reds.

They ended up ordering a moderately priced wine.

That paired perfectly with Camel Lights.

On Thursday night, around 8:45 a car pulled into the parking lot. This is very late for us during the winter especially during the week.

A woman comes in and asks if we are still serving. I apologize and explain we are not. She then asks who might be serving at 9:00 on a Thursday, in February in a coastal New England town.

I list off a few places having no idea who is even still serving at all, let alone at 9:00. She asks a few other questions and I tell her to hold on a second. I pull up a restaurant on the iPad. I call them. Nope. They’ve closed for the night. I call another. And another.

I finally found a restaurant that was open till 10:00. I tell the woman the name, address, and how to get there.

She’s so grateful. As she leaves I tell her to make sure to come back and see us over the weekend.

At 8:00 tonight she walked in with her husband. They had seats at the bar. She is super excited to be back.

She’s also very grateful for us finding them food on Thursday. When they’d gotten to the restaurant they were well taken care of.

She and her husband couldn’t express enough how grateful they were that we’d gone out of our way to help them.

I assure them, that we love our jobs, and helping people is what we do.

They were sat at 8:00. They stayed till after 11:00. They were the last to leave. But they made friends with everyone. Their neighbors at the bar. David the bartender said they were some of the nicest people he’d ever waited on.

They also had a big dinner. They ordered a Wagyu tomahawk ribeye for dinner. The steak is $165. They got it well done. Approved by the chef. They loved it. And took some home to their daughter.

As they were leaving they asked about coming back in the summer with a large party to sit in one of our private rooms.

I gave them my card and told them to call me and I’d take care of them. I asked them their names again.

They told me. Their last name happens to be the same last name of a drug kingpin on a show I love. I made that comment and they laughed. I told them when they called to just tell me the were the drug lords from the show and I’d know exactly who they were.

The point of the story is that I love when amazingly wonderful people come in. People so nice that you’ll remember them 6 months from now. It makes all the ugly people disappear off the map.

So thank you.

Every day our numbers continue to tick up.

And every day our guests continue to amaze me.

Tonight of all the reservations we sat between 5:00 and 5:15 five of them were incomplete parties.

Table 25 didn’t order for30 minutes while waiting for their fifth guest who never showed.

B13 was 30 minutes late.

Table 23’s last guest 60 minutes after their initial seating.

Table 13’s guest was also 30 minutes late.

And B15 was an hour late joining her friend at the bar. The first guest was sat at 5:10. They were the last guests to leave at 9:25 tonight.

Somehow reservations have become a suggestion rather than a contract.

Hmmm.

PS. It’s impossible for me to know if we are going to be closed tomorrow as it has yet to start snowing. You’ll have to call back tomorrow.

Today was impressively warm. According to the thermometer on my car it was 68 degrees when I got to work at 1:00.

The wind was also insane again. I’m going to repeat that we are going to be blown away before we sink in to the ocean.

Warm weather is amazingly good for business. Mainers love to get out and about when it’s warm. Even though it was already getting cold by 5:00.

Do you know what else is great for business?

When most of town doesn’t have electricity.

Yes, the wind knocked power out for a lot of Kennebunk/Kennebunkport today. So around 5:00 the calls started asking if we had room for people who couldn’t cook.

Overall it was a great night. Lots of very nice folks.

Hopefully their power is on soon.

My husband and I brought my son and his girlfriend here on Friday 2/18 for dinner to celebrate my sons “30th”. I couldn’t have been more disappointed, after all of the rave reviews I heard about this restaurant and was so excited to try. My husband and son had steaks that were $56 and $42, BOTH of which had to be sent back to be cooked because they were so raw that they couldn’t even be cut. They were also very thin and visually unimpressive. They were very good the “second” time around which shouldn’t have happened. I had the pork chop which was over cooked and dry 😕. The mashed potatoes had a nice flavor but arrived room temp and quickly firmed up into hardened lumps. To be gentle…what the heck?!!! Everything else was pretty good as well as our waiter. But this is supposed to be a prime steakhouse and at the price point should come out nothing less than AMAZING! We had a good time and made the best of it because it because we didn’t want the occasion to be completely spoiled. The worst part of it all was when I decided to call and speak with the manager. When I explained about the steaks, his reply was, “But they ate them, right?” I said that wasn’t the point. They shouldn’t have been sent back in the first place. They should know what they’re doing. He said they do and that they “cook 800-900 steaks per week and that there are bound to be a couple that don’t come out right.” I said that they just happen to be both at our table? He said, “I guess so.” Somehow, this manager tried to me feel like this was our fault and that this was acceptable. It is NOT! I am very upset about the way he handled my legitimate complaints. His “I’m sorry’s we’re empty. He didn’t care. A great manager would have said, “ I am so sorry about your experience. We don’t want to lose you as a customer. We’d like to offer you a gift certificate so that you will return and give us another try”( or something to that affect). The fact is that our dinner cost us $344 and was very upsetting when it could have been resolved with a mere gift card to make your customer feel like you care but you don’t. Nothing…how sad.

Hmmm.

I’m the manager she speaks of.

So. My side of the story.

Yes they sent two of their steaks back. Both bone in steaks. A ribeye. A porterhouse.

Fun fact.

Meat near the bone is always rarer than the rest. It impossible to get the meat near the bone cooked as well done as they like it. Until. They cut into the steak and let us cook it in pieces.

I delivered both steaks back to the table. They were not thin. They were normal steaks. I apologized. Then moved on.

I also checked back in and they said they were perfect now.

I also checked in when the left. I was standing at the door.

I also fielded the phone call two days later.

I did say we cook a lot of steaks.

I did say, but they ate them.

This woman called looking for a refund.

This is not ot going to happen.

Or a gift card.

Not going to happen.

Also our pork chops are cooked using a sous vide method. They are not dry. They can’t be dry. They are on the grill long enough to seer the outside. I’ve had three or four. The are never dry.

The steaks were cooked perfectly after. Not worthy of free stuff.

It really is about the cost. She mentioned the cost over and over when talking to me. I’m sorry she spent so much. But if you keep the jeans at Macy’s you still have to pay for them.

I’m not giving you free stuff. Or gift cards. Or rewarding your behavior.

Thoughts?

Last week I answered the phone.

It was a man asking about a reservation later that night. I tell him we have availability and to call back when he knows what time.

I go back to work.

45 minutes later the phone rings it’s him he proceeds to tell me that he called 45 minutes earlier and a young lady had told me we had availability.

Seriously.

A young lady? I’m the only person to answer the phone in days.

He insists he spoke to a young lady.

I don’t take it personally. There’s far worse I could have been called.

But is my voice that high?

We open at 5:00. Every day we are open.

Every. Day. We. Are. Open.

By 4:30 we have cars in our lot.

So.

We have learned that if we open at 4:45 we can seat half of our 4:00 reservations early.

Therefore we seat double the amount of people we’d normally seat at 5:00 because we know that 50% of them will be in their chairs by 4:55.

By 5:00, most of our 5:00’s are sat.

The night continues.

At this time of the year we seat our last resy’s during the week at 7:30. On the weekend’s 8:30.

What I’ve learned????

Early reservations are always early.

Late reservations are always VERY late. And I do mean very.

The kitchen is shutting down. Servers have checked out. Bartenders tell me we only have water.

Seriously.

Late reservations are always 15, 20, 30 minutes late.

Don’t do that.

No one likes it.

That is all.

I got to work at 1:00 today.

I gathered up my computer and papers. Got them set up in the dining room. Made my three cappuccinos, in one cup, that gets me started.

And clicked play on the voicemail.

The first message was from last night.

A gentleman who wants a reservation next Sunday.

The next message is from the same gentleman.

The next message is from the SAME GENTLEMAN.

I write down all the calls.

I return the calls in order.

617.555.5555

A man answers.

Hi this is Jeff from the _.

He says finally. I’ve left several messages.

Hmmmm. I’m annoyed now.

I explain we didn’t call at 10:00 last night. And I just got in today.

He says great. And tells me he needs a reservation next Sunday.

I ask for his number starting with the area code.

He gives it to me.

Ahhhhhhh.

It’s Dave.

I know him.

He has been in every Saturday since late November.

Except this past week when he and his wife hosted family for dinner.

This is a guy you’d never know could afford to eat at our restaurant. He and his wife are unassuming. Plain folks. I’d actually expect to see them on a porch in Eastern Kentucky before having dinner at my restaurant.

They come in at 5:00. On the nose. The order well. They eat about half their food. They always order dessert. They eat one or two bites. They are in their truck on their way home by 6:05.

They are very sweet. I’ve learned where they like to sit. Who they like as their server.

They have only complained once. When we sat them in our Gallery. I know not to do that again.

I will let you know how next Sunday goes.

Meanwhile.

Don’t judge.

They may look regular. They may not be.