I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

My favorite recent review: Trip Advisor:

Poor quality Bone-in Ribeye! The ribeye was very difficult to cut, because it was mostly comprised of hard gristle and fat. The quality of this beef was absolutely poor! I never leave a bad review, only complimentary. However, I am writing this review because the host/manager was extremely arrogant, smug, unprofessional and unaccommodating! Our waiter was excellent! I will never go here again, as there are many better restaurants in the area, and I would not recommend this restaurant!

I love getting compliments. Smug. Arrogant. Unprofessional. Unaccommodating.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Fun fact. A Ribeye has fat. It has gristle. It has a bone.

You should have ordered the filet.

That is all.

I’m going to arrogantly post this in all of my smugness.

Happy Reading.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I walked into the lobby behind a woman tonight.  She was walking out and I thanked her for coming in.

She turned and said, Oh I haven’t eaten yet. 

She then told me she had moved north of us but still belonged to the country club and so she comes down every so often.  Her friends have repeatedly told her to eat here.  So here she is.  She is about to sit down to eat by herself.

I get excited as I always do when someone is new.  I tell her to enjoy her meal and to check in with me before she leaves as I want to hear her feedback. 

And out the door she goes. 

I look up ten minutes later and she is back. 

She has decided she doesn’t want to eat outside after all.  The hosts tells her that she’ll be seated in just a few minutes.

I walk away.

A few minutes later the host comes to find me and says that the one had walked out of the restaurant angry.  Then came back, still angry and had asked for me saying, that I’d asked for feedback and she was going to give it to me.  UGH!!!

I get there and she says just that…then continues.

She is angry that the host told her that she’d have to wait 10 minutes to be seated. 

UKRAINE!

I stand there staring at her.

She continues.

She tells me all of the following.

She had arrived and wanted seats at the bar.  The host told her it was be just a minutes as someone was about to get up. 

The woman then says, well can I just get a table.  The host says, yes I can seat you in our gallery.  So the woman insists that she be shown to the gallery to approve of the table. 

They come back and the woman decides she might like to sit on the patio.

She goes out back and comes back about 6 or 7 minutes later and tells the host that it’s too hot and she’d like to be seated at the bar after all. 

The host tells her it will be about 10 or so minutes and the woman gets mad and goes back to the patio.

But alas, the table on the patio was sat after she went back inside.

She is inside now and is being told she’d have to wait 10 minutes and that’s outrageous. 

And this is where the problem starts.

The woman left and so the host sat someone else at the bar.   There is another opening but it’s going to be a few minutes.  The patio table was sat by me, with a walk in. 

The woman is outraged that we didn’t save a table for her.

She continues and continues.

I finally say, mam, I don’t understand the problem, 10 minutes isn’t so long to wait.  But I’ve already been here for 20 minutes. 

She keeps on, getting more and more worked up about how horribly she has been treated and how it’s completely unacceptable that she should be made to wait.

I repeat that 10 minutes isn’t a long time. 

She keeps going and finally says, I guess I’ll be seated now.

And I look at her, and say, uh.  You know what.  I think at this point everyone, including you would be happier if you ate elsewhere.  So I’m going to ask you to leave at this point. 

She was angry but left.

Here’s the thing.  She’d have never been asked to wait if she’d been willing to sit in any of the first three options she’d been given. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

When I worked across town for 5 years, I made lots of friends.  Summer regulars.  Winter regulars.  There we so many people I met over the years. 

I have reconnected with many of these people. 

There are three straight couples that I have not seen since I started. 

One couple was an older couple who lived in Mass.  They used to own a liquor store and had retired.  They came in every few months and were so sweet.   They once heard me say, we were having a wedding and the next time they came, they brought me very expensive bottle of bubbles.  They handed it to me and said congratulation!  They said that they’d heard me say I was having a wedding and had assumed that Adam and I were getting married.  I laughed and said no, the restaurant was hosting a wedding.  We all laughed and they told me to keep the bottle.  Adam and I had a great chuckle when we popped the cork, weeks later.

Another straight couple, were also from Mass.  I met them when I was managing the hotel as well.  They had come to visit, after the husband had had a heart attack at 53.  His doctor had told him to learn to relax.  So every few weeks they’d come up and visit, stay in the hotel and eat dinner with us.  They were so sweet.  They’d usually come without the kids but sometimes it was the whole family.  I have not seen them since I went back to work down there.

The last was a straight couple who started coming in when she rented a winter rental to use to write her dissertation.  She would sometimes come in every so often have a glass of wine and dinner.  Then when her husband came up from Boston, they’d come in together.  I watched her write, finish and defend her dissertation.  They were always so genuinely sweet to me.

So imagine my surprise when I looked up today to discover they were standing in my lobby.  It was their first time at the restaurant.  They were so kind and friends.  I gave them both big hugs and told them I’d been hoping for a year that they would come in.  She now teaches in Boston, they still live there but they’d eventually bought a summer home here.  They looked great.  We talked and talked.

I led them to their table, checked on them throughout and then bought them dessert.  At the end of the meal we all took a selfie and they asked for my number so we didn’t lose touch again.  When I sat down at the end of my shift I had four or five texts thanking me, with photos of the food and the selfie as well.

It was so great to see them and reconnect.  It truly made my night. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This happened last night while I was on the door.

A male/female couple enter looking for a table. 

I say male/female because I realize I use the word couple all of the time and only clarify the sex if they are NOT straight.  Hmmm????

A straight couple walk in. 

The woman approaches and asks if I have room for two. 

I tell her to give me a second and I will see what I can do. 

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating.  And I say this to guests when they are staring at me. 

If you stare at me, while I’m working my brain ceases to work.  I can never find a place for you to sit if you stare at me.  I always say it’s like The Queens Gambit when she’s staring at the ceiling and the pieces are moving.  If you give me a second I’ll see the opening I need.  I’ll almost always find a way to make it work.  It’s never in my best interest to say no, butts in seats means more revenue for the night.

So I say to the woman give me a second and she says, what if I just stand here and bat my eyes at you.  Will that find me a table?

Without even thinking, I said probably not, but if you send your husband over to bat his eyes at me that might work. 

She laughed, and said he is kind of cute isn’t he.  (He was about my age, and fine, but not hot enough anymore to bat his eyes and get anything). 

She then says, I don’t think he can be bought, and then he pipes up and says, that might not be true, for enough money, he might be persuaded and I said, well I have 100 bucks in my pocket.

We all laughed and laughed.  And then the other host led them to a table. 

I still have my hundred bucks. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We open the doors at 4:50 today, as always.  We open early, to be able to seat more people right from the beginning.  Somedays, all of our 5:00’s are in by 4:55.  Tonight was not that night.

However, we were mostly in by 5:05. 

As we opened the inside doors, I head through the restaurant for one last check.  Imagine if you will, checking your props before the curtain goes up.  Making sure the TVs are on.  The music is on the right channel.  The candles are lit.  The olive oil and salts are aligned.  The A/C is on.  The Gallery is all set. 

I get to the patio, check in with everyone there.  All things on the patio are good. 

I am walking back into the dining room from the kitchen as a food runner approaches me.  Seems table 24 is not happy with their table.  I follow her to the host stand to assess what the problem is. 

They are a 4-top who’ve been taken to table 24, and they are upset that it is a table for 5 and they are only 4. 

Seriously.  One extra chair is just tooooo much. 

I ask the host, and she explains that there is nothing that she can do.  She can’t move them.  I don’t ask why, but I go to the table with the menus and say, that I’m sorry that this is the only table I have for them.

A woman scowls at me and asks if I’m serious. 

I assure her that I am.  She stares at me.  I stare at her.  She stares at me.  I stare at her.

They get seated and I tell them to enjoy their meal.

For the rest of their time at the table she glares at me every time I walk by. 

At the end of their meal, they tell the server that at least he was nice.

I was at the door when they left.  Her husband told me he loved his meal.  I thanked them all, but she just glared as she left.

So.

After I got them seated, I went to the host to find out what the problem was.  Why couldn’t they be moved to one of the 5 four tops that were not seated at the moment. 

She explains:

When they arrived they made it clear that they didn’t want a booth.  That takes 2 tables out of the question. 

Then she explains that the one of the tables that is open is scheduled for a 2-top and we hardly ever seat a 2 on a 5 top.  That’s one more table.

And the other 2 tables are 4 tops, BUT, they aren’t coming in till 5:30 and the 5 top has a 7:00 5-top reservation on it, which means that it has to be sat at 5:00 if they are to have time to finish their meals and be out by 7:00.  And this is one of 2 five tops we have, so there was truly not choice.

If they’d been willing to sit in a booth this would have been a nonissue. 

On my note pad I wrote Ukraine. 

They are at one of the nicest restaurants in one of the loveliest towns in New England.  They have the money to spend on an expensive dinner, on one of the nicest days we’ve had all summer.  They all appear healthy.  

And yet an extra chair has ruined their day.

I was prepared to say all of this if they complained on their way out.

They could literally be living in the basement of a bombed out building, without water or power with no help in site. 

I truly am sorry that I ruined their night. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Wanna know the best way to start the weekend?

Wake up with fucking GOUT!!!

It’s very, very, very painful.

Imagine if someone were shoving an ice pick into the side of the ball of your foot.  AND.  You have to walk around while it’s happening.

I spent the day trying to determine what I ate this week that would have triggered it.  It’s been since last summer since I’ve dealt with it.

So I hit the google. 

And it turns out all the things that I ate on Tuesday at Adam’s restaurant are triggers. 

Oysters.  Salmon.  Roe (fish eggs), scallops (we had fried and grilled). 

Turns out the reason I didn’t like scallops before was because I enjoyed walking. 

My friend Michelle was gracious enough to agree to pick up my prescription for me, so that it was waiting for me when I got home tonight.

Now keep your fingers crossed the steroids don’t keep me awake and that the gout goes away fast. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight around a 7:30 a young man walks thru the door.

I ask him if I can help him.

He says that he is there to buy a $100 gift card.

I tell him that if he gives me his credit card we’ll take it in to the bartender and get it processed.

The other host goes, in, and I chat with the fellow.

I ask if he’s local. I ask if he works nearby. I ask if he works in the fall when he’s in school.

I am basically interviewing him.

He’s very well spoken and to quote the other host cute as a button.

I ask him how old he is, and he replies 16. Perfect. You should come in the fall and be a food runner.

I give him my card and tell him to reach out if he’s interested.

Meanwhile, the other host has him sign for the gift card.

And she proclaims, my you have great penmanship.

The young man leaves and I tell a story.

When I was in high school, after I got my first job, and a checking account, I would need to cash a check to get money.

This was LONG before debit cards and ATM’s.

For those born in the 90’s and later a check is piece of paper you used to be able to exchange for money.

Anyway, I would go into E-Z Way to cash my checks. And the woman behind the counter would exclaim how great it was that I was responsible enough to have a checking account. Then I would give her my check, and she would give me my money.

And one day, she exclaimed that she thought I signed my name like a girl.

And I never signed it the same again.

With in a week, I developed the signature I still use today.

No gay, 16 year old boy, in 1981 wants to be told they do anything like a girl.

But I hope the kid who came in tonight comes searching for a job in a month or so.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was on the door tonight. 

I’m very short hosts. 

Anybody need a job?

I don’t mind being on the door, I love, love, love being the face of the restaurant.

However, it is hard to keep tabs on what’s going on in the restaurant when I’m stuck at the door.

Tonight was mostly smooth.   A couple of re-cooks, a couple of complaints that it was cold in the dining room, and 4 tables that showed up with more people than they were supposed to have. 

I love, that people reserve for 2 people because it’s available, then show up with 4 people because… I’m too tired to think of something funny.  This happened tonight. 

However, the excitement came a little after 5:00.

A man approaches me and says he’s with the crew that has been hired to record the performance tonight.  He follows this with a request to bring his equipment in thru the kitchen. 

Uh.  Huh? 

I told him we didn’t have any performers scheduled for the night.

He assures me that he just got off the phone with the person who is coming to perform and he’s there to record it. 

I assure him there is nothing scheduled.

He looks at his phone.

Then says, yes.  His friend has been hired to portray the grim reaper for a 50^th birthday party.  I assure him that that it NOT going to happen as we are NOT that restaurant.

He leaves. 

5 minutes later the reservation shows up.  They are carrying a cake. 

The woman who seems to be in charge pulls the other host aside to chat with her, that host, comes to me and says, you’ll need to handle this one. 

I turn the corner and the woman says, about 15 minutes after we are seated a mariachi band will be arriving to perform and eventually sing happy birthday to the guest of honor.

I assure her this will NOT be happening as we are NOT that restaurant.  And then I say, there was a man here who arrived to record the grim reaper who had been hired to come meet with the guest of honor. 

The woman says, oh no.  That can’t happen, I have children.

I say, yes, you are right, that can’t happen either.

She looks at her husband and basically says, abort, abort, abort. 

He goes out. 

Comes back a few minutes later and says you were right.  They scheduled the grim reaper. 

The party is finally seated.

About 15 minutes later, a food runner approaches to say, Chef wants to know where the table you just sat is going.  They all just left. 

UGH. 

I send for the server.

She arrives and says they are currently on the patio which is closed.

I close my eyes and decide I won’t get involved.

A few minutes later a server appears to say there is a ventriloquist at a table on the patio and wants to know what the hell is going on. 

I never got involved after they were seated.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I did not open the patio tonight. 

The sun was shining till around 6:00. 

Then it got grey. 

Then the air got thick.

They the thunder rumbled.

Then a couple of flashes of lightening. 

The skies finally opened at 8:55. 

I made the right choice?  Right?

My favorite questions today, was well if it doesn’t rain can we sit on the patio. 

Yes.  I’m going to have 2 bartenders and 3 servers hang out all night, just in case it doesn’t rain.

I don’t think they got it when I said no. 

But alas.  I stand by my decision. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

There were 56 voicemails on line one today.

There were another 12 on line two.

It took 30 minutes to get them on paper because every time the phone rings it cuts off the playback.

I don’t answer any calls till the messages are returned.

I sat down with a cup of coffee at 1:30. At 4:00 I still had 7 calls to make.

I got nothing else accomplished today.

It won’t be better tomorrow.

Tonight was the busiest Wednesday every. And the revenue was better than the last 2 Fridays.

It’s not slowing down folks.