I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Server edition!!!

I have been working a lot since I returned from my little working vacation. And luckily the restaurant is busy again. And when I say busy I mean busy. As you know the place I work isn’t fine dining. It’s what a friend of mine calls “slinging hash.” So to make money I have to turn my tables, give awesome service and hope like hell that people tip. Tonight the restaurant was a zoo. And it was like that at 5:00 when I started my shift. In the first 60 minutes of working tonight I sold over 500 dollars worth of food and drinks. (Edit: It’s 15 dollar cheeseburgers and 7 dollar beers) That’s as much as I sold in one whole shift in the days before I left for Maine. And to tell you how much I was running, I was selling alcohol two to one to food. I was at the bar more tonight than I was at my tables.

And I would love to tell you that I made a million bucks. But unfortunately the bad tippers were out tonight. I calculated that I was stiffed on almost 500 dollars in sales tonight. If you do the math that’s somewhere between 75 and 100 dollars that I should have walked home with. Not that I’m complaining. When you are in it for the volume, you still make a decent amount of money.

The real fun of the evening was looking up to discover my roommate and two of his friends waiting for a table in my section. I had been telling him he should stop in since I started work and he finally took me up on my offer. Of course he got there seconds before I had to do the thing I hate most about my job. A birthday shout out. Ugh. You have to get the dessert, get the candles, go to the table, make the guest stand on a chair and then announce their birthday to the restaurant. (You literally shout at the top of your lungs. HEY CAN I GET EVERYONE’S ATTENTION? THIS IS SAM AND TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY. ON THE COUNT OF THREE CAN EVERYONE WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. ONE! TWO! THREE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!)M You can’t imagine how much I hate this. It’s so bad that some servers just refuse to do it. (EDIT: Sometimes servers would pay me to do it for them). I figure if it’s the difference between 15 percent and 25 percent it’s worth it. Of course I never give the free birthday dessert. If you want me to announce your birthday, then you damn well have to order and pay for dessert. Other wise, I hope your mom sent you a card.

And now for the best questions I get asked as a server. Actually they are a series of questions, that I will follow with my answers.

1. Do you know where the bathroom is? No, today is my first day and they haven’t shown me where they are.

2. Do you have a bathroom? No, but Starbucks is just across the street. I’ll tell your server you’ll be gone for a few minutes.

3. Where are the toilets? In the bathroom.

Ah, the fun of serving the public.

Edit: At my current restaurant, when I started the servers would sometime sing. That no longer happens. We’ll happily serve you a dessert with a candle in it. That’s about it).