I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight was the worst service I’ve had since I started at the restaurant. 

Of course it was. 

It’s Monday.  All the bad things happen on Monday. 

Every time I’ve been told to fuck off this year has been on Monday.  Every time I’ve been yelled at this year it’s been on Monday. 

Tonight was my own fault.  I was blinded by wanting to break a record this week and made the wrong decision.

Anybody want to guess what happened?

You probably already know. 

At 2:00 today it rained.  HARD.  Very, very, very hard. 

The rain they’d predicted was here, two hours early.

It cleared in about 30 minutes, then turned VERY humid. 

All weather reports, radar, forecasts said we were in the clear.  I texted the staff and told them to come on in.

It continued to be grey, but I watched the radar all afternoon.  We were in the clear.

And so at 4:50 we opened as usual. 

My host on Mondays can’t get to the restaurant until 6:30 and so I was on the door alone. 

Everything was going swimmingly.  Not a hiccup at all.  Based on the numbers it’s going to be a nice easy evening.   The first turn was all in by 6:00. 

I look up and my outside hosts is standing at my side and says, what’s our plan if it rains.

I laugh and say it’s not going to rain. 

He laughs and says that not what my app on my phone says.  He’s a marine biology student at a local university. 

FUCK.

I say again. 

IT’S NOT GOING TO RAIN!!!

It’s the power of positive thinking. 

He leaves.  I pick up a piece of paper and start formulating a plan.  First, I move all the later reservations inside.   Then I start exploring where to put the tables that are currently seated.

We do not save room for people to move inside.  I’ve worked at restaurant that had a table inside, for every table outside that was going to be seated. 

I look at how long they’ve been seated.  How much time they need to finish. 

I find an inside table for every table outside. 

I send for the host.  He arrives.  I give him that paper.  He heads outside.  I turn around and 4 minutes later the rain starts.  Just sprinkling but raining. 

I keep my fingers crossed that it’s just going to sprinkle and pass by. 

The host comes back says that right now everyone is okay. 

I say great.  But I have a plan just in case. 

About 90 seconds later the skies open.  A torrential down pour. 

About 90 seconds later 4 people walk thru the front door with drinks in their hand.  They’d been told to come in side, but not told where to sit. My host as the only copy of my plan.  What’s worse is that they’ve brought their drinks.  Not their food. 

Everyone who arrives after this is holding a cocktail but no food.  I’ll get back to this. 

I turn to head into the dining room with them and there is complete chaos.  It’s like a clown car.  People are coming thru every door in the restaurant.  I get the four people seated and the people just keep coming. 

When I say literally every door I mean every door.  A server has lead about 10 people directly thru the back door, into the kitchen, past the chef and into the dining room

There are people being seated everywhere.  Two people at the bar, who are followed by a food runner with food.   Four people at table 25.  They are followed with food.  4 people at 13 who are waiting on dessert. 

I hear the bell ding twice.  It’s the expo and chef wanting to know where the food for L-3 goes. 

FUCK.  I have no idea.  I find the server.  The food is delivered. 

Finally everyone is seated.  Most everyone has food.  One table is waiting because they ordered just before the deluge. 

I drop by every table, introduce myself and ask if they like the new water feature that we’ve added to ur restaurant to improve on everyone’s experience.  They are ALL gracious to a fault.  Not one person was upset.  Not one person was mad.  Everyone was happy. 

It’s approaching 6:30.  I can’t believe we’ve pushed thru this.

However, the chaos isn’t over.  Because the tables were not seated where I specified I have to figure out how to get everyone else, who is starting to come thru the door seated. 

I send a server to find out what is open in the 30’s.  The 30’s are a row of 2-tops.  They used to be 4-tops but we separated them for Valentine’s Day and never put them back together.  It’s very NYC and only 1 table has complained since February. 

90% of the tables we seat at 6:30 are 2-tops.  I get them all seated. 

I do have a 6 top at 6:30 who walks thru the door at about 6:35.  They had really wanted the patio when they called.  I tell them I can still seat them out there, but they’ll have to wait till it’s completely stopped and dried and reset.  The person who made the reservation explains that now it’s twice as humid, and everyone in his party is worried about mosquitoes. 

I tell him to step to the side and I’ll see what I can do.  But it’s going to be at least 7:00 before I can get him seated. 

Fun fact:  I can NOT solve your problem if your head is stuck over the host stand staring at me while I try to create magic.  I tell people all the time it’s The Queen’s Gambit for me.  I have to have a moment to slide into the world of the I-pad to find a solution.  Almost always there are at least one or two solutions.

It’s stopped raining.  He and his party move outside. 

I have no  idea how it’s going to happen, but I’ve given myself 30 minutes to find a solution. 

Meanwhile the lobby is filling up with 7:00 reservations.  It’s 6:40. 

My host who arrived in the middle of all this is by my side.

I’ve gotten all of my 6:30’s seatedt, but I have no idea what tables at sat and what tables are clear. 

I send my host to ask the servers who were on the patio where each table from the patio landed.  I need to know this so I know approximately where they are.  30 minutes. They are waiting on food.  45 they have their entrees.  70+ they are moving toward dessert.  90+ they are moving toward a check.

It’s not just enough to know the table is occupied, but I need to know their status.  I also can’t just seat a fake customer there as it fucks with our cover counts and it’s something we track to a tee. 

She is gone about 6 hours.  Not her fault, but the servers don’t seem to understand the importance of what I need.

I tell her to stay at the host stand, but to only greet and mark people present, not to seat anyone. 

I find all the servers; get the tables moved on the I-pad.  I’m back in about 5 minutes. 

My timeline is off, but the clock is ticking.  People continue to walk in.

Then a couple walk in with reservations at the bar.  I tell them what I’ve told everyone at this point.  We’ll get you seated as soon as we can. 

This is because I now know where the table are seated.  But I have to start moving things.  7:30 are moved to place holders.  7:00 are moved to empty tables.  Until I have no more.  Then I move them to place where I think there will be empty places soon. 

I’m still trying to figure this all out.  The clock is ticking and the couple for the bar looks at me.  Looks at the bar.  And says, but It’s empty.  Yes.  The bar was empty, but I need 5 minutes.  I say to them once again, I’ll get you seated in just a few minutes.  He looks at the bar.  Looks at me.  And says, but  it’s empty.  I say once again, yes.  I know.  But I need a few minutes.  At this point I have about 8 minutes to get them seated on time.  I go back to the I-pad, the man looks at me as he walks into the bar and say, I’m just going to seat myself.

OH. NO.  YOU.  DIDN’T. 

I take a breath and say.  Uh. NO.  YOU WON’T. 

He says why not. 

Remember.  The lobby is filled right now.  At least 20 people.

Without missing a beat, I say, because I said so.   SIR.  We just moved 35+ people into the dining room.  I need to figure out where they are and get organized before I seat another table.    

He finally understood.  But to remind me of his disappointment he and his wife whispered loud enough for everyone to hear that it was silly that the bar was empty. 

I play out this scene about the bar being empty and the making people wait three times.  Each one, more aggressive than the next.   I’m almost shouting at one point, I just moved a million people inside, calm the fuck down. 

I’m reaching my breaking point. 

At one point a woman who has a reservation at the bar for 1 walks in.  She checks in and I say it will be a few minutes till I can get you seated.  She sits down.  She pops into my space a few minutes later and says, uh, can I just sit at the patio bar.  I tell her no.  A few minutes later she looks at me and says, do you always close the patio at 6:30?  I say no.  It was raining.  She says, but it’s not raining now.  I explain that the patio is closed for the evening, but I’ll get her seated soon.    Three minutes later, she asks for the Wi-Fi password. 

This one pissed her off the most.  We do not have public Wi-Fi.  Not or guests.  Not for staff.  Myself and Chef are the only people with access.  And I only have access to the non-secure network. 

She huffs at me and sits back down.

Now I look up and a VIP friend of Chef’s is standing in front of me.  He as a 7:00 reservation and the people at his table just got their dinner.  I explain what’s going on and he says great and apologize.  He says don’t apologize you are getting us in tonight, we’ll wait outside until you are ready, 

Finally. 

I’m caught up. 

We start seating people.  In the order they arrived, as much as I can. 

This also pisses my bar customers off. 

By 7:03.  I have everyone.  And I mean everyone, including the 6 top I had no place for sat, except for the VIP’s.  I however, offered them a solution, but they chose to wait for the table they requested. 

A fun moment in the night was that as soon as the table the VIP’s requested was ready, the bell rings twice.  I’m checking in someone.  It rings twice again.  I continue.  It rings twice again.

I finally break a way, walk around the corner where I can see Chef pointing at the Chef’s table.  I chuckly to myself. 

They are seated at 7:30 just as I told them they would be.

The night continues.

I have lots of tables that are booked on tables that will never turn in time. 

The power of positive thinking. 

People walk in.  We check them in.  A table gets up.  We get them seated.  Everyone in the nick of time.

At around 7:50 I look at my host and say I think we are going to make it.  And she points at a table that I’ve yet to touch since I moved it. 

Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck. 

I hold my breath.

A table gets up and we get a table seated.

It’s 8:01.  I have no idea where we are going to put the next three 8:00 reservations.

Oh.  Yes.   The 6 top I sat at 7:00 is paying.  They were in and out in an hour.  I tell my host to help get it cleaned.  And then 2 seconds later another table leaves.  I move the regulars to the new empty table.  And at 8:10, everyone is seated but a 4 top that is late.  And a 2- top that is scheduled for 8:30. 

The 4 top never showed.   Bullet dodged

8:30 comes and goes.  No 2-top.  At 8:40 I tell the host to call them.  If they can’t be here by 8:45 we won’t be able to seat them.  She calls they are about 15 minutes away.  She delivers the news.  She hands the phone to me.  I confirm that news.

It’s 8:40.

The night is over. 

I’m exhausted. 

It’s 2:39.  I am not proofing this.  I’m posting, and am going to move to the couch and sit next to my sleeping boyfriend and drink the boulevardiers he left in the fridge for me.  I asked for 2.  He split 1.5 in to 2 glasses. 

Here’s to my weekend.  I’m off tomorrow.  My phone will be off if you need me.