I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Guess who is gun shy?

This guy!!!

There was a 60% chance for thunderstorms today, so I called the patio.  At 2:00. 

I texted my staff to say they had the night off.  I’d asked my host to come in early to make the phone calls that needed to be made.  It took her all afternoon but by 4:30 everyone had been called and we’d moved as many people inside that we could. 

I’m pretty sure we started the night off ahead of any numbers we’d done for just the inside dining room.  Ever.  In fact, we did 50 more covers tonight than on Monday and the patio was open on Monday. 

It was busy, for just the inside.  We had no availability for anything over 2 and the 2’s were contingent upon tables turning quickly.  For the most part, everything went great, but things started to bog down around 7:45.  The 6:30’s weren’t turning and of course everyone came in early for their 8:00 reservations.

It was especially tough because we had no room at the bar.   I’m sure the bar did more covers tonight than EVER!!!  By a lot.  On any given night the bar does about 40+ covers give or take a few. Sometimes more, sometimes less.  They did 59 tonight and they hustled to do it.  We were only behind seating people around 10 minutes and that was around 8:30. 

As I said at 7:45 things started to bog down.  There were people waiting in the lobby.  Some because they were 30 minutes early, some because we were running a few late. 

Suddenly, as it always happened, around 6 tables left at the same time.  I had a place for everyone waiting, including the 8:30 tables.  We just need to get them all bussed and set with place settings.

During this time a couple comes in for their 8:15 reservation.  I explain that it will be a few minutes before I can get them seated.  I say a few minutes, because if you are specific they will come back to see you in 90 seconds.  They ask if they can grab a drink at the bar, I explain the bar is booked but I’ll get them seated as soon as I can.  They say great, that they are going to wait in the parking lot.

I go back to work.  I’m at the door; my hosts are working on getting tables cleaned.

A little while later the hosts appear and we start getting people seated.  2 people at 35.  A 4 at table 21.  I send a server out to get the couple waiting in the parking lot.  He goes out, looks around and they are nowhere to be found.

I think to myself, maybe they left. 

I seat the table after them. 

We are now 15 minutes late for the parking lot people, but at this point it’s their fault not ours. 

I’m standing at the host stand when they walk back in.  I welcome them and say that we’d been looking for them.  At this point I notice that they are holding plastic cups, filled with red wine.

I think to myself.  Seriously, this again?

I tell them that they need to give the cups to me and immediately the woman starts to drink.  I stop her and say that if she continues, she will not be allowed in the restaurant.  She looks at her husband and he starts to drink his.

I stop them both and explain that if they continue that I will not seat them.

The woman looks outraged that I’d even dare questions them.  She says that they were just enjoying a glass of wine before dinner…in the parking lot. 

I’m about to have the most insane conversation ever.

I say to her, there is only one city I know of in the US where it’s legal to walk around with alcohol and this is definitely not New Orleans.  She interrupts me to say that it’s legal in Las Vegas.  I reply unless I made a seriously wrong turn this morning, this is neither New Orleans NOR Las Vegas and that it is indeed against the law to have an open container in Maine and its really illegal to bring alcohol into an establishment with a liquor license. 

Her husband looks at me and starts to take a drink.

I repeat my statement.  If you drink that I will not seat you.

Anyone want to guess what happened next?

Yeap, he takes a drink.

And I said, GREAT.  Why don’t you enjoy your wine in the parking lot because I’m not seating you for dinner.

At which point I think they think I’m kidding.  But I’m not having any of it.  I repeat that it’s against the law for them to have an open container anywhere and it’s against the law to bring alcohol into my establishment.  Now I’m asking you to leave. 

She gets loud. 

I stay calm but continue to explain that we are no longer having a discussion.  I’ve made my decision and now you must go.

Years ago at the Irish pub I managed I shooed a guy out by waving my arms and hands at him like you might do to herd a goat.  This was about a week after I started and the staff never let me forget it.

I make the gesture at them, shooing them out of the restaurant.

The woman is having no part of this.  They were just enjoying a glass of wine, etc etc. etc. 

I might add the lobby is full at this point.  The couple on the couch is ignoring us.  The couple standing next to them is full on engaged with the pre-dinner show. 

She continues to protest.  Her husband is clearly used to letting her fight the battle, as he just shows his anger but lets her do the talking.

I finally say, if you’d like I can call 911 and have the police come discuss with you the open container laws of our fair city, but it’s probably not going to go well.

She looks at me like I dare you, and I hand the cordless phone to my host and say, will you call 911.    

She does exactly as I intended her to do and dials 911 without hitting the button to open the line first.  She holds the phone up to her ear and the woman begins to shout about how inconsiderate and rude I am. 

I take the phone from the host and say, are you sure you want to go down this road….and they leave. 

The couple standing beside them looks at me and says what assholes!   Who brings in a plastic cup of wine into a fine dining establishment?

What’s funny as I thought about it later, a dive bar would be even more protective as they are watched more closely.  But seriously who does that?

Oh.  But the story doesn’t end there.

I was at the host stand tonight, when the reservation was made.  We have a super-duper high-end resort that called to make the reservation for the guests.  She explains that she started to make it earlier but the reservation was gone before she finished it. 

This is a lie, as reservations were turned off all day.  I turned them off to make sure we had room to seat the guests on the patio.  However, I had room for the two top and I made the reservation for the fancy, super-duper resort that might have a restaurant that loses reservations. 

So about 15 minutes after the couple leave the phone rings and I see that it’s the super-duper high-end resort, and I answer.  A girl says, I made a reservation for two of my guests tonight that I want to ask about….

I ask the name, and of course it’s the couple.

The girl says, the guests I made the reservation for have come back and I have their side of the story and I wanted to get your side of the story now. 

I think to myself and are mom and dad trying to decide who broke the vase that leaked during dinner.  (Only about three of you will get the reference). 

I say to the woman, the guest you are referring to did have reservations, we have made the decision not to serve them, and that’s all I can disclose.

She says, so you aren’t going to tell me what happened?

And I say of course not.

She gets incensed (I’ve loved this word since the song The Streak came out) and says you are seriously not going to tell me what happened.

I assure her that I am indeed not going to share with her the details.

She wants to know why not and I say, would you share details of a guest encounter that happened at cottage 15 when I call tomorrow?  No you wouldn’t.  You don’t need to know anything more than they were not served.

She hangs up.

And I think to myself.  It’s 9:00 in my little town.  And the only places still serving food are McDonald’s and Burger King out by the interstate.  I wonder if their red wine in a plastic cup will pair well with a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese or a Whopper?