I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

The following is the post that started it all. 

It was about a year ago this week.  I’d been posting all summer, but this one sealed the deal. 

The night before I’d been yelled at about warm wine.  I wrote about that exchange but this is the one that made me know I wanted to write on a regular basis again.

 I drove home rehearsing all the things that I’d wish that I’d said to the wine people.  I’m not a very good arguer.  Ask Adam, in the moment I shut down.  But I’m Perry Fucking Mason about three minutes after it’s over. 

So imagine my surprise when 24 hours later, I’m in the same situation and I can actually say all the things I rehearsed from the night before. 

Including the line about The New York Times writing an article on bad restaurant patrons. 

At that point all of my FB posts had started out with

Dining Out Tip:

A few weeks later, I made a post that wasn’t a tip on dining out, but was more a commentary, and someone pointed out that it wasn’t a tip and suggested I change the name of my posts. 

It was Adam that came up with the I’d like to speak to the manager!!!, tag line. 

I went back after I realized I wanted to write these and scrolled through two months’ worth of Facebook posts and cut and pasted them into a word document.  I then, copied them into my blog at

id-like-to-speak-to-the-manager.com  (As always, feel free to share this link with your friends). 

Here’s the post that started it all!!!!

Dining out rule.

Strike that.

Being a good human rule.

Do not. I repeat. Do not do the right thing, then demand something in return.

Tonight was a hard night for me because one of our hosts called out. I was stuck on the door as a result. Around 8:30 a server came to find me because she had an upset guest. She was so distraught she couldn’t even explain the problem. She finally sent me to her co-worker so he could bring me up to speed before I visited the table.

Seems that the guest in question had been presented their check. Upon receiving it, the guest discovered that their entrees were not on the bill. They brought it to the attention of their server. Upon presentation of the check they inquired as to what their compensation would be. What were we going to do for them?

The servers were dumbstruck. The guest did the right thing, but were now demanding a reward.

So the servers fetched me.

I went to the table. Where I was immediately inundated with all the reasons we needed to do something for them. Ultimately they felt like they deserved a reward. I explained to them that that’s not how life works. I explained if the same thing happened at a bank the bank wouldn’t give them free money. It only escalated from there. I finally asked if they only give to charity if the charity offers them a service.

I was then called an asshole. I was also told over and over that they saved our asses.

Then I was called an asshole again.

And then again.

I finally said I was going to get the check for them. I did decide to take one entrée off the check. However when I got back they started again. I finally said I felt sad for them that they really only do the right thing for the reward. I was called an asshole again. I explained that we are a business trying to survive during a pandemic. I’m called an asshole again and was told that was no excuse. They were saving our asses.

I leave the check and say the server will be by for payment. I walk back to the bar. I should state I’m on the patio. I’m now waiting in the patio bar. The next thing I know one of them walks up to me, throws the check presenter at me, slams his hand down on the counter and proceeds to yell at me some more. Before I can respond a woman at the bar turns on him, tells him to calm the fuck down. That she’s trying to eat and that he’s out of line. She was at the bar when I was being appraised of the problem. This doesn’t deter him and he keeps yelling. I tell him if he doesn’t calm down I’ll call the cops and they can help with the situation.

He leaves.

We run the credit cards and I return to the table. He starts again. Calls me an asshole again. I should mention that I’m acutely aware that this whole series of exchanges are being witnessed by other tables. I finally say to him. Sir. You may think what you want. By I suggest you subscribe to the New York Times. Because three weeks ago they ran a story about why people like you are making it so difficult for people in the restaurant business. He told me again how he saved my ass. Called me an asshole. And I walked away.

I go back to the bar. I must admit. I’m NOT shaken. These types of encounters just piss me off. When I get back, the women at the bar have a lot to say about the man. I promptly thank them for coming to my defense and buy the drinks they are consuming. Two seconds later a woman comes out of the bathroom and proceeds to tell me she kept her husband from chewing them a new ass and how great it was that I didn’t bow down to them. I bought her drinks too.

The whole exchange was surreal. They felt that I should buy their whole check because they did the right thing. The one man said over and over he was saving our asses. I might point out we are a steak house. There were no steaks on their check. They’d ordered the cheapest entrees. Not that I care. It’s just if they hadn’t paid it would have been about $125 dollars. Not exactly the end of the road for us.

After this exchange I hid from everyone for about an hour. I needed quiet. I stood at the host stand saying goodbye to people instead of my usual routine.

Did I really owe him more than the $33 dollar entree I comped.

PS. They did tip 18% on their check so they weren’t all bad.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight at 5:00 we had at least four tables walk in with small kids.  Like really small kids. 

Each of one of them asked for a high chair. 

Only the first one got one.  We have two. One for inside.  One for outside. 

It actually says on Resy that we have NO high chairs and NO kids menu. 

The second table through the door tonight with a small kid, became outraged at this.  He told the person who sat him how displeased he was.  He told me.  He told the host at least 4,694 times.  At one point he yelled at his server, you need more high chairs in this restaurant. 

Here’s the thing.  We post that we don’t have them. 

We don’t say no to having kids in the restaurant, but the chef, who writes the checks each day to keep the doors open has made a call on how he wants to run the restaurant.  And I support his call.

People are spending lots and lots and lots of money at our restaurant for a nice experience.  And while he doesn’t say no to kids, he does nothing to promote bringing them in.

And here’s the thing.  Every kid is different.  Every family is different.  We had a family of four in the other day and the parents ordered both of their children filets, medium rare, with sides and they behaved and all was good in the world. 

Meanwhile, a family of 12 comes in on Thursday night, four adults and 96 children and they order three entrees and one coke.  They stayed for 2 hours and their kids were horrible.  Running and screaming.  I was terrified that they were going to be hit by a car after they ate, because the parents sent their children to play in the parking lot, while they talked at the table.  Our parking lot is lit, but not for children to play at night. 

Anyway, I get why we don’t have high chairs.

And PS, as I told a guy the other day, I’m sorry that your son is a picky eater, but you cannot bring McDonald’s chicken nuggets for him to have while you eat dinner.  Perhaps we should charge a $68 plating charge for kids meals, sort of like a plating charge for cake. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Today I noticed 2 five top reservations with the same last name. 

I knew what they were up to but I also knew that there was a message on our reservation system letting people know the result of trying this.

And what would you know I was right.

The first table arrives, checks in and lets us know they’ll be six.  They also ask to sit together and I let them know that this can’t be facilitated.  They sit without incident.

The second table arrives, checks in and lets us know that they’ll be six also.  The woman explains that our reservation system would only allow for 5.  I say yes, but you’ve arrived for 6.  She says, yes, because it wouldn’t let us make a reservation for 6. 

I then explain that they aren’t really five or six but 12 instead, and she very excitedly says yes.

Ugh.

However, they sat down.  They ate dinner.   They didn’t put the 6 year olds at one table and the adults at another table  (By the way, I will no longer allow this.  Our restaurant policy is that underage minors must be accompanied by one adult to dine at a table).  This keeps a server who draws the short straw from having four cokes and four cheeseburgers, while mommy and daddy share a bottle of wine and a Wagyu steak. 

However, the point of all of this, is I actually made sure I was at the door when they arrived just in case drama ensued.  But they were all so nice.  They ate dinner at their appropriate tables and all was good.