I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

The owner of my restaurant is also the chef. 

Not in name only.

He cooks.  Every night.  Front and center. 

And when I say front and center, I mean it.

We have an open kitchen and he stands in the center of it, grilling meat and exposing, which is to say, controlling the flow. 

He is on display from the time we open until about 30+ minutes after the last reservation.  (Notice how I didn’t say close?).

Here is the thing, A LOT of people don’t understand that he is not just standing there being pretty.  He’s actually working. 

They walk up and want to shake his hand.  He just pulled 10 steaks out to put on the grill.  His hand is not clean, nor does he want to shake hands with you while he cooks. 

He is in the process of cooking for hundreds of people and needs to stay focused. 

So many people don’t understand that if you are going to say hi, say hi and move on. 

So many times in the last year, I’ve had to go to the window, pretend I need to ask him a question and then intervene and steer the people away. 

Especially women.  Our chef is attractive.  He’s also very charming.   And he always is nice to whomever comes to the window no matter how busy he his, but it can be a pain if he starts to get lost when he turns back to the grill.

Tonight a woman asked if he was here.  I pointed him out in the kitchen and without thought; she marched toward the kitchen to give her compliments to the chef.

Luckily she just said hello and left. 

But I’m standing at the host stand just in case I have to swoop in and escort her away. 

PS.  It’s really gotten bad since he published his cookbook.  People go the window insisting her write them a personalized message in the book.  Meanwhile the window is full of food and he’s trying to focus and doing his best to say no, without being rude.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This is one of my favorite things that happens at my restaurant.

We take reservations for our bar.

For good or bad, we do it. 

People hate when they find out, until they try and it and realize that if you plan a head most times you get right in for your reservation.

The thing I love is that someone makes a reservation at the bar for 8:00. 

Then they show up at 7:30 and tell us they came early to get a drink at the bar before they are seated. 

But there reservation is at the bar.  How do they think they’ll get a drink if their seats aren’t going to be ready for 30 minutes. 

This happened twice tonight.  And the first time we sent them to the patio.  The second time we were able to get them seated early.

When this doesn’t happen though, they get annoyed like we did something wrong. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight a couple walks in for a reservation. 

Their reservation is for the bar. 

Only I don’t have bar seats.  And it looks like it’s going to be a while before I do. 

I say to them, It’s going to be a minute for bar seats but I can get you seated a table now if you want. 

Here’s the thing, most people.  MOST.   When they reserve at the bar are bar people and they will not sit anywhere else. I assume this whenever, I say to someone it’s going to be a minute.

However, the man says, a table would be great.  We’d actually prefer a table. 

And I say, AWESOME.  That’s actually better for us all around, because we have several more people coming in for bar stools and things aren’t moving. 

He says, something else, and I respond we are glad you are open to this.  And thank you for not yelling at me because the bar stools aren’t ready. 

He laughs and says he doesn’t behave that way, even though he might look like it.

He’s a bit of a bear, with a big beard and a little heavy.  He looks like he might have ridden to the restaurant on his motorcycle. 

I laugh and say that I didn’t think that, but I’m glad to know he’s not that person.    I say, many people I’ve dealt with this summer were less patient and most of them did NOT look like you.

His wife says, OH. YOU MEAN THE PINK AND GREEN PEOPLE,,,

I took this in and laughed and asked her if I could share this observation. 

And she said yes.

So from now one, bitchy people in the summer are going to be called the Pine and Green people. 

That’s is all. 

PS.  I learned to never judge a book by its cover.  Especially in our little community. 

The people in jeans and a t-shirt arrived in a Bentley. 

The people in a suit and tie arrived in a Ford Focus.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight a couple walks in around 8:00 looking for a seat at the bar.

Before I can even respond the woman says, we are locals.

And here’s the thing. I don’t know what that means. And I don’t know how you want me to respond.

Locals.

Let’s talk about locals.

I use to have this conversation when I worked at a different restaurant that suggested we give locals a discount card.

What is a local?

Is it someone who lives in the tiny little community where our restaurant is located? About 150 people?

It is someone who lives in the little town where our restaurant is located? About 3,600 people.

Is it someone who lives adjacent to the little town where our restaurant is located? About 3,300 people.

Is it someone who lives in the two towns that share a similar name? 11,00 people.

Is it someone who lives five miles up the road in a town that does not share a similar name? 21,000 people.

That’s geography.

Let’s talk season?

Is it someone who lives here year round?

Is it someone who lives here only in the summer?

Is it someone who lives here only in the winter (I just learned that’s a thing)?

Is it someone who owns a home here but only uses it 5 times a year? 3 times a year? 1 time a year.?

Is it someone who works in our little town?

Is it someone who was born here, moved away and now comes to stay at the family home?

Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?

That’s the problem, is there is no clear answer.

So my thought and response is who gives a fuck?

I’m not going to magically pull a barstool out of my ass just because you live in the area.

Besides.

If you were a local, then you should be a regular, and I’ve never seen you before, and so you aren’t a regular and so if you want special treatment, come here more than once a year.

Now, on to, I’m a regular.

I get this a lot as well.

Are you now?

How many times does a person have to frequent a business to be called a regular? If you’ve read this far, I’d love to know you answer. ‘

Is it once a week? Is it once a month? Is it twice a season? Is it once a year?

We have summer regulars and we have winter regulars. We also have very wonderful year round regulars who come once or twice a week all year long.

And you wouldn’t need to tell me you are a regular if you were a regular because as I’ve said before you’d know my name is Jeff. You’d know my partner’s name is Adam. You’d know where I live. You’d know where he works. You’d know what my alcohol of choice is. You’d know, whether I’ma cat or a dog person.

I’m a talker. I love to talk to our guests. I could chat about the restaurant, the chef, the staff, the ambiance, the patio, the community, the restaurants etc all day. ALL DAY. It’s my favorite part of the job.

So.

If you are a regular as you say, what exactly is my name?

And no, we didn’t serve you garlic butter on your steak the last time you came to eat. I promise we did not. I’ve worked here for over a year and we’ve never served garlic butter. Truffle butter yes. Garlic butter no. And if you were the regular you say you are, you’d know this.

PS. We didn’t carve your steak in the kitchen last time you ate with us.

PS. We didn’t allow you to bring your dog last summer.

PS. We didn’t let you order take out over the phone last week.

PS. We didn’t let you substitute corn as a side two weeks ago when you were here.

PS. What’s my name?

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I wanted to respond to the people who said, we should say our last seating is at 8:30 instead of we close at 8:30. 

We do not list our closing time.  People call and say what time do you close and we all respond we take our last reservation at 8:30.

And they still ask the question of will we have to eat in five minutes. 

I’ve never told anyone what time we close.  It’s always opened ended.  We take our last reservation at 8:00 tonight.  At 8:30 tonight.  At 8:45 tonight.

The closing part is inferred and you can ask any of my staff, I always say to their dismay, that you may take as long as you like to eat and enjoy your meal, you have be out by 1:00 a.m.

So we are already doing what you suggested.