I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Last night around 9:30 a server we’ll call Jen, because that’s her name, comes to me and says, the Smith’s would like to come in tomorrow night, but only if they can have me.

She reminds me of who they are.

Ahhh.

I remember them well.

Back in the spring, a table arrives for their 6:00 reservation. They are led to their table and seated.

The server approaches the table and the father at the table loses his ever loving fucking mind.

He insists that they be waited on by Jennifer.

The server comes to me to find out what should be done.

I explain, that unfortunately, Jennifer does not have an open table and they can either wait until she does, which will be about 90 minutes or they can be seated where they are.

30 seconds later the father appears at the host stand and loses his mind again.

He is shouting at me, that the guest is always right, they should be able to have whomever they want wait on them etc. etc. etc.

I try to explain that Jennifer has her own section, and at no time would I allow her to wait on a table in someone else’s section.

He continues, to lose his mind through the entire meal and tell me on his way out that he’ll never return.

Two things of note.

They always return.

Always.

This will be their second time in after that incident.

And.

The man is in the business. He’s a restaurant consultant. He should be embarrassed at how he is behaving.

They have texted Jennifer and asked if they can have a reservation for tonight, but they will only come if she waits on them.

They are behaving like small children.

Call the restaurant like everyone else.

And stop being a baby.

I make the reservation and they arrive at 6:00 tonight.

They walk in and I say hello do you have a reservation?

The mom glares at me, and finally the son says, yes it’s under Smith.

Of course it is.

Here’s the thing, except for the son saying their name, not one of them spoke to me while they were in the building.

They didn’t acknowledge me on their way in, and they flat out ignored me on their way out.

And I can’t help thinking what privileged lives they must lead to think this behavior is acceptable.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I didn’t take one blog note during service tonight.  

I’ll pull one from my list from yesterday. Which was actually from my list on Thursday that I didn’t bring home.

Around 6:45 on Thursday, a server comes to the host stand to check in, and says, “you seem off tonight.”  

I looked at her and didn’t say anything.

She asks if I’m having a bad night, and if everything is okay.

In truth, it was a bad night. For reasons, I won’t go into. I was on the struggle bus.

Most nights, and I do mean most nights, my staff has no idea that I’m struggling.  

For example, when I started my job at the Irish pub, I’d returned home from my mom’s funeral four days prior to my first shift. I’d go in every day, with a smile on my face, and I don’t think anyone knew that I wasn’t feeling it.

Sometimes, however, even I can’t hide it.

Thursday was one of those days.  

On those days, I scheme my exit strategy.  

From the job, from life, from the world.  

I don’t mean suicidal.  

I just mean sometimes when I’m truly struggling, I dream about getting in my car and just driving away. Drive to Seattle, or to Madison, or to Providence, or to Sacramento.  

Go someplace new, and just start over.  

I’d never do it.  

I love my life. I love Adam. I love my job.  

But sometimes, just to be someone new, in a different city, state, country feels like it might be the answer.  

A couple of times in my life I have done so. Put my shit in a truck and just driven away. To NYC. To Atlanta. To San Diego.

But I didn’t have this life back then, and perhaps if I’d stayed put, I’d have found this life sooner.  

Not to get off subject, but I met Adam in 2001, selling merchandise at a musical in NYC. I can still remember him as he sold me the CD of the cast recording. So maybe if I’d stayed, I really would have had this life sooner.  

That being said, long before I met Adam, I had a therapist, who for all of his faults, helped me to learn that the struggle will lift. The depression will lift. The despair will lift.  

I just have to be patient.  

I knew this after my mom’s funeral.  

I knew this when I tried to stop taking my meds and crashed and burned.

I knew this when I lost my job in 2017.

I knew this when depression set in during the pandemic.  

I just have to hold my breath and wait.  

It will lift.  

It always has and always will. I just have to wait for it, which sometimes feels like a lie, but it’s always lifted.  

Even when I was at my most depressed back in 1995, it eventually lifted and I was the better for it.

I was on the struggle bus on Thursday. And some of my staff could see tell. Sometimes, I feel like I’m letting them down, when I’m not able to put on a happy face.  

However, when they ask, I own it. Yes. I’m struggling today. I’m not feeling it. I am tired. And anxious. I need to focus on getting through the night. I get quiet. I tend to stick to myself. I don’t joke. I usually plant myself in a corner somewhere and wait.  

I also tell myself, that 99.999% of the time, it’s absolutely nothing, that a good night’s sleep won’t cure.  

That was the case when I woke up on Friday, went to work, had a great shift, and couldn’t remember what the problem was on Thursday.  

Take my word, it does get better.  

It always gets better.  

Even when it doesn’t seem like it will  

Just keep on, keeping on, and you’ll come out the other side.

I promise.  

It’s been over 40 years, and I haven’t been wrong yet. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I picked up the phone on Thursday around 3:45, and woman asked if there was someone she could speak to about a charge on her credit card.

I said, I can help you with that, what is the problem?

She begins to explain:

Seems that in August she made a reservation for 5 people that was cancelled less than 24 hours before the reservation and they were charged $25 per person.  

I ask for the date of the reservation.

I find the reservation. And every single moment of the reservation, is preserved in history. When it was made, every table it was assigned to and when it was cancelled and when they were charged.

The reservation for 5 was made on August 16 at 4:07 for August 17 at 5:00.  

They made the reservation on line and had to click through the prompt that said that if they cancelled within 24 hours of the reservation that they could be charged $25 per person. 

To explain, if you make a reservation on line, the site says you may be charged $25 per person, then it asks for your credit card, then you have to confirm that you understand all of this.  

It’s not like they made the reservation over the phone and no one explained the process.

She tells me that they called on Tuesday and but we were closed.  She says that she left a message and no one called her back.  I also know that not once this summer did I NOT call everyone on my list back.  Sometimes, if the reservation was for 3 weeks from now it was not the next day, but I always called back.   

However, for the sake of argument, let’s say that I did not call back.  

You could have left three more messages the next day, which was the day of the reservation.  

Alas, you did not, because I can also assure you that before we charge people, we check to make sure that you didn’t call saying you were in a car accident, had COVID or that your grandmother died.  All things that happened this summer.  

What actually happened was this:

You made a reservation at 11:41 for 5 people. You cancelled that reservation at 11:42.

You made another reservation for 5 people at 4:07. (I can’t know this for sure, but I’d bet my next paycheck that you knew that you were going to be 6 and instead of calling as Rest says to do, you made the reservation for 5 as a placeholder and 99 million other people have done.

But that’s okay, except that if you called you didn’t leave a message as you say you did or I’d have called you.

Also, technology is a wonderful thing, you were texted at 12:01 the day of your reservation and told to confirm or cancel by texting us back. You did not do that.

You were texted again at 4:30 reminding you that you were supposed to be at the restaurant at 5:00. You could have texted us at that point.

You were texted by my host at 5:14 asking if you were coming for your reservation.

You responded at 5:19 saying you cancelled on the phone, and I can assure you that you’d have never been charged if you’d let us know.

She argued all of this.  I explained that when she made the reservation she only had 53 minutes to cancel.  I also explained that she cancelled 20 minutes after her reservation, leaving us no way to fill the seats.  

She continued to argue and finally demanded I not charge her and I said, unfortunately there was nothing I could do.

She said, you are going to lose the business of a local over this, and hung up.

And wouldn’t you know, the reservation she cancelled is the only reservation she has ever made at our restaurant.  

However, she did leave a message on our Facebook page today:

Hello. My kids surprised me by coming to Maine this august. It was my daughter’s birthday so we made a reservation for 5 on 8/17 as we have enjoyed many dinners there. My son also surprised me on 8/16. We left a message that day asking to enlarge the reservation to 6. You were closed that day so I thought that you would call us on 8/17 to confirm. We called twice that day only to get an answering machine . In a panic during the busy days of August we made a back-up reservation at another restaurant. We made one last call to you during open hours only yet to get the answering machine. I was not going to bring the 6 of us with confirmation so we had to go to the other restaurant. You charged my cc $125. I get your policy and totally agree with that. I called yesterday and explained my situation but there was absolutely no flexibility. I asked if we could get $125 credit at your restaurant but no. We are members of the R**er Club, Web**nnet, Edgcomb, Cape Ar**del, just to name a few and extremely local You have already lost 4 of my neigbors. Stop Manhattanizing my town and bring back Cape Porpoise. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Oh, kids…

Based on the number of times you say you called, you could have said you were cancelling 3 separate times, but alas you did not. 

When you made the back up reservation, at another restaurant, you could have cancelled, by phone or by app, by text, since at this point you were going to screw one of the two restaurants you had made a reservation at.  

You call yesterday and tell me that you agree with the policy.  What part do you agree with?  The part where we take a credit card.  The part where we expect you to cancel prior to the exact time of your reservation?  The part where you are charged $25 per person.  I’m not sure how you can “get” our policy, then call and be angry with me. 

As for the credit at the restaurant, uh, no. 

My favorite part:

How do you tell me you are rich without telling me you are rich?

 By listing the country clubs that you belong to in town. Are you somehow not required to follow the rules because you belong to a country club?

Seriously, telling me you are rich only lets me know that you can afford to pay the $125 without much crisis.  It actually hurt the restaurant more than you. It hurt my server more than you. It hurt my food runners, bartenders and hosts more than you. If you can afford to belong to 4 country clubs, you can afford $125. The tip my server lost on your 5 top would have been that much. And the server mades $6.38 an hour. Who do you think can afford it more????

I’m extremely confused as to what extremely local means. 

I’d think extremely local means that you live across the street.  

By Maine standards to be extremely local your great, great, great, great grandparents needed to be born in our little town which I know to not be true.  They have had to be born in Maine which I also know not to be true. In fact you weren’t even born here.

As for your 4 neighbors, I have no doubt that I must have told them no as well, and now I’m on their list.  

And what does Manhattanizing mean?  

I’m assuming it’s a variation of the word manhattanization.  Google defines is as:  : congestion of an urban area by tall buildings. There is no urban area in our town. There are no tall buildings within 10 miles of us, unless you count the church steeple.

We are a 2-story building that’s at least a football field away from our nearest neighbor so yes, definitely manhattanized.    

I’m truly sorry, that you were asked to follow the rules. I’m truly sorry that I got a parking ticket today. I’m truly sorry that life is hard for some people. I’m pretty sure you are not some people.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Server edition!!!

It’s cold out there.  And I mean cold.  Painfully cold.  The kind of cold that makes every part of your body shiver.  Of course it’s mostly the wind.  Here in the city, it’s blowing about 20 miles per hour and with the temperature around 20 that makes for COLD.

Work was  a dud tonight.  We were off our wait by 8:30 and by 9:15 the place was a ghost town.  I actually ended up leaving early.  I was bored and the money had been crap all night so I said what the fuck and called it a night.

Lovely things I heard tonight at work:

“I’d like to order the nachos and the fried cheese.”  (This is only interesting because we don’t sell fried cheese).

Do you sell turkey burgers?  (No)  Well why not?  (Well you see, I only wait tables part time.  The rest of the time I’m at our corporate offices doing menu development.  And after massive test marketing we’ve discovered that there is not a huge demand for turkey burgers, chicken burgers, pork burgers, buffalo burgers, or rabbit burgers.  What we have discovered is that there is a HUGE demand for beef burgers).

I don’t see soup on the menu.  (That’s because we don’t serve soup).  Well what kind of soup do you have?  (What kind would you like?  Since we don’t sell any soup, might as well pick something exotic and hard to make).

“Do you have Coke Zero?  (No).  What do you have then?  (Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Mt. Dew, Dr. Pepper, Sierra Mist and rootbeer and lemonade).  Good then, I’ll have the diet 7-up.

I’d like the veggie burger.  And I think it will taste better on whole wheat toast.  (Cause we have a whole selection of bread in the back just waiting for someone to order the veggie burger on whole wheat bread).

Are the ribs pork or beef?  (Pork).  I’ll have the beef ribs.  (Yes, we just happened to get an order of beef ribs in today and we were saving them just for you).

The conversation with the man above continues:

Okay then.  I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger but hold the bacon and the cheese!  (I wasn’t mean enough to actually charge him for the bacon cheeseburger.  I was nice and only charged him for the hamburger).

And after he wanted the cheese and bacon held he said,

I’d also like a fried egg on my burger.  (Really?  Really?  When was the last time you were in a chain restaurant that wasn’t Denny’s that actually had whole eggs lying around so that they could put them on burgers.  Really.  I think you’d be much happier (he was with the whole wheat toast woman) heading on over to the Cosmos Diner on 9th Avenue where you can get everything you wish for including the fried cheese, the turkey burgers, the soup, and maybe even the Coke Zero).

And I’ll end with this little ditty.

This one didn’t happen to me but it’s my favorite restaurant story lately.  On a Saturday lunch a couple of weeks ago, my friend David was waiting on a table of six women from the south.  They mostly ordered water, but one of them got a glass of wine and one of them ordered a margarita.  David dropped the drinks off and told them he’d be back in a couple of minutes to get their order.  When he returned the woman with the margarita said, “I think the bartender made this wrong.  There’s tequila in this drink.

And I heard all of this in one shift.  On a slow night.  Just imagine what a busy night is like for me. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At 5:30 tonight, two women walk in and I ask if they have a reservation.

They say yes, and I ask for their name.

I can’t find it.

They say, we left a message.

I ask if they actually spoke with anyone.

They say no.

I think of course not.

I find them a table and get them seated.

At the end of the night, I check messages.

The two women called at 4:59 for a reservation, left a message and were surprised when they walked in at 5:25 and they didn’t have a reservation.    

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Believe it or not I came home with ZERO notes tonight of things that happened.  

It might be a first.

At least that was the case until I read an online review on Trip Advisor.

The review is from the guy who left a bad survey after being forced to eat outside, after he made a reservation to eat outside and it was cold.  

He fancies himself a clever writer.

He starts:

All the hype is there: the concept, the location, chef, menu -and service team … BUT, it all went rapidly downhill from there. 
Management doesn’t appear to be interested in or responsible for the back 50′ area beyond – which after dark in September, is cold enough to freeze ice cubes.   

I am truly sorry that you made a reservation that we honored.  Truly sorry.  Had we not had the patio open that night, you’d have been just as angry about the cancellation of your reservation.  You had every opportunity to call and change it.  You had every opportunity, to be responsible for your own well-being.  

As for the back 50’, we are very interested in it.  We make a lot of people happy back there from May to October.  Chef has spent a lot of time and energy making it beautiful.  And special.  And fun.  It has doubled the size of our restaurant.  

As for ice cubes, 55 degrees is not cold enough to freeze ice cubes.  BUT.  As you noted, it is September in Maine.  And the weather turns chilly and there’s nothing to do about that.  

He continues:

No mitigation with offering blankets or throws – let alone heat lamps to make the dinner experience acceptable. There seemed to be little interest that my guests and I felt freezing, unhappy and parked in the boonies for an expensive dinner.

No.  We do not offer blankets.  I personally find them gross.  People eat dinner with them.  Get food on them.  Wipe their hands with them.  And then a few minutes later they are given to another guest.  As for heat lamps, our patio is fucking huge.  We are not five tables, on a concrete slab as many people expect when they arrive.  There are almost 20 tables out there.  All spaced, judiciously away from each other.  Chef got a quote to get heaters and run propane and we’d have to generate about 30 times more revenue than we do to pay for it.  

Also, you are in Maine.  In the fall.  Wear a jacket.  

This is my favorite part:

 “Howard, the Manager” never appeared to see what he might do to put things right. 

You are absolutely right.  I never appeared.  That’s because I was on the door, getting people seated.  You also, never asked to see a manager.  There was no reason for me to come see you as you chose to eat outside, you were seated outside, there were no problems with your food and service.  I don’t generally appear at tables, where we have delivered on our promise.  

And:

There are some misrepresentations on the wine list Studio by Mival Rose is 
misrepresented as Mirval. 

It is misrepresented by actually stating that it is Studio.  There is a couple of dollars difference in the price of the wine you are suggesting we are trying to pass off as Studio and Studio.  I doubt the degree of quality is that different.  

And still more:

Our server was marvellous: charming, knowledgable and appologetic that were were about to ‘freeze our goolies off’… 

I’m sure your server was apologetic.  He’d be bad at his job if he wasn’t.  I would love to point out that it was 55* that night.  In the whole, big, wide world, you are acting like a spoiled 6 year old.  Pull it together, your life is not that hard, if you can afford to travel across the country, stay in a resort town and eat in an expensive restaurant.  Seriously.  First world problems.  

And finally:

.. no blankets, and definitely no table cloths to throw over our freezing bodies. “Too bad, so sad”… 
Could have been great -but a bit of smoke and mirrors a the end of the summer season. I came, I tried, I cried and will not be returning.

I think we are with that.    

But let’s be honest.  You won’t NOT be returning because of your experience.  You won’t be returning because you live on the west coast of Canada and it’s not like you were going to pop in a week from now.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was on the door tonight.

As is going to be the case for the next 9 months.

The phone rings, I answer and say thank you for calling how may I help you.

There is static on the line so I tell the person that I can’t hear them and hang up.

The phone rings again, I know from caller ID it’s the same person.

She is clear as a bell now.

She says, hi this is Mary, I need to cancel my reservation for Sunday night.

I say great, cancel the reservation, thank her for letting us know and hang up

12 seconds later the phone rings again.

I say, thank you for calling how may I help you.

The woman says, hi this is Mary, I need to cancel my reservation for Sunday night.

I wait.

She repeats herself.

I say, didn’t I just speak with you.

She replies, yes. But I wanted to make sure you cancelled the reservation.

I thanked her again for letting me know and hung up.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I’m really bad at names.  Like really bad.

I’m not much better with faces.

I’ll know I know you, however I won’t remember how I know you.

I don’t take offense when people don’t remember my name.  

What’s funny, is that more times than I can count I’ve been called Kevin.

Hello, is this Kevin?

Hi, Kevin, how was your weekend?

So many times.

I hardly ever correct them and I don’t want to embarrass them.

And I’ve been called worse.  

I know some very excellent Kevins.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Hello, thank you for calling how may I help you?

I was calling to see if you were open.

Yes, we are.

Will you be open till you standard closing time of 8:30.

Tonight, our last reservation is at 8:00.  

You don’t have any openings?

What do you mean?

You don’t have any open reservations for tonight?

Yes, we have open reservations.  (I have no idea what is going on).  Do you need a reservation for tonight?  

Yes, do you have room for 2?

What time would you like to come in?  

Do you have 6:30?

Yes, I can take 2 people at 6:30.  

How about 7:00?

Yes, I can take 2 people at 7:00.  

Can you take 2 people between 6:30 and 7:00?

Do you mean 6:45?

No, between 6:30 and 7:00?

Uh.  No.  I can only take 2 people at 6:30.  (I’m so lost).

Great, we’ll take it. 

Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?

Yes, it’s 555.555.5555

Is this John Smith?

Yes it is.

Great. You are all set.  2 people at 6:30. 

Thank you….Can I ask a question?

Can you take 3 people at 6:30?

What?

Can you take 3 people at 6:30?

What?

Can you take 3 people at 6:30.  

Uh.  No.  I can’t take 3 people at 6:30.  I can take 3 people at 7:00.

But you can’t take us at 6:30.

I’m sorry, no.  I can’t seat 3 people at 6:30 but I can seat you at 7:00.

Great.  We’ll take it.

All right you are all set.

Can I ask another question?

Yes, is it okay if we come at 7:00 but the third comes late.  Will you seat us or will you make us wait?

What?

Yes, our third is coming from class and won’t get out till around 7:20.  He can’t meet us until 7:30.  

Yes, we can accommodate you and we’ll seat you when you get here.

Great.  Thank you.

___________________________

___________________________

Hello, thank you for calling how may I help you?

Hi, this is John Smith.  I need to change our reservation to 2.  Our third person won’t be able to a make it.

Great, you are all set.

Can we still get the 6:30.

I’m sorry, no, I only have 7:00 for 2 people now.

Are you sure?

Yes, I’m sure.

Thank you.

Thank you!

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight, we had guests arrive at 5:00.  

They are seated at table #21.  

The person who sat them comes back and asks if they can move to another table.  

I say yes, they can move to table #31.  

The person returns 90 seconds later to say that they want table #12.

Here’s the thing, table #12 is reserved for Chef’s best friend who is visiting from out of town.   I’m in the middle of telling the person this when the woman who is being seated appears in the lobby.

She proceeds to tell me she comes all the time and they don’t understand why they can’t have the table just as much as anyone else.  

I say, you can sit there but I need the table back by 6:00.  

She says of course.  

They eat and leave by 6:00.

I look at their reservation history.  They’ve eaten at our restaurant 4 times in the last two years.  The last time was in May.  I’d hardly call that all the time.

And, I’m serious, it’s only a matter of time till I look at someone and say, if you eat here all the time what is my name?