I’d like to speak to the mangaer!!!

Things that happened tonight:

A man sent back his old fashioned, saying it was just too strong for him.  

A woman sent back her blueberry martini because it was just too strong for her.  

A woman didn’t send it back, but only ate one small bite of her skirt steak, telling the server at the end of the meal it was chewy.  99.999% of the steak was still on the plate.  I showed chef and he said and I quote, “it’s a skirt steak.  It’s supposed to be chewy.”  We comped it but I didn’t want to.  

A woman shows up at 7:00 insisting that she has a reservation.  I was called to the door.  She is insisting that not only does she have a reservation but she and her family eat at the restaurant often.  I must do something.  Unbeknownst to me, until later, I find out she was mean to the host.  I find her a place to sit, but explain they only have 90 minutes to eat, as we have a table coming in at 8:30 that will need to be seated. 

Here’s the thing, someday I’m going to ask someone who insists that they are regulars whom I’ve never seen before what my name is.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.  What’s my name? If you’ve been here more than twice you know who I am. 

A woman shows up with 2 reservations tonight.  Never have I ever, made two reservations at one restaurant on the same night, 15 minutes apart from each other.  I never accidently entered my credit card twice, clicked through the 12 confirmation phrases.  It’s just never happened.  

A woman called tonight.  I answered the phone.  She was trying to find out when her reservation is.  This is not uncommon.  However.  She doesn’t know the date.  The time.  The name.  Or the phone number on the reservation.  It’s Friday night.  I don’t have time for this.  

I’m going to share a secret with you.  If someone calls and I don’t have time to deal with the call and it’s for a date two weeks from now, I say, I’m going to put you on a brief hold and I put the cordless on the receiver when I didn’t know until I had done it a dozen time that it ends the call. 

At that point they call back, leave a message and I call them back the next day.  

Before you protest.  I don’t have time to explain why I can’t finish the call.  I will lose the paper if I record a message.  Call me back, leave a voicemail.  

At 4:30 a woman was banging on the front door.  I go to the door. We are in pre-show mode.  The restaurant is buzzing with activity as we get ready for service.  I go to the door and she says that she’s there to buy a gift card.  I explain that she’ll have to wait until 5:00.  She gets huffy.  I say, you can always buy one online.  She wants the physical card.  I say, she’ll have to wait until 5:00 and she huffs away.  

I had a lady last night who became huffy when I asked if she had reservations.  She said no, of course not, you don’t take reservations.  I assured her that we do.  She insisted that on our website, it said that we do not take reservations.  I spin the I-pad around to her, open our website, and point to the reservation button.  She huffs and I get her seated.  

We had a table in from NYC last night.  New Yorkers always work the fact that they are from NYC into the conversation.  I always work into the conversation that I lived there for 15 years.  Said table announces they are from NYC and then get seated.  2 hours later on their way out they say and I quote, we had heard you were a good restaurant, but we are from New York, we had no idea a restaurant this good could exist outside of New York, let alone Maine.  The food was excellent.  The service impeccable.  The ambiance stunning.  We just had no idea it would be this nice.  She was probably surprised we had running water and were wearing shoes.  

Yesterday I was giving a tour for a group that is exploring doing a buyout for a business dinner.  I’m in the middle of the tour when a group of 5 people walked around the corner.  (Fun fact if I leave the front door unlocked for 10 seconds someone walks in).  I ask if I can help them and they say they are here for a tour.  They want to host a rehearsal dinner at the restaurant.  I ask them if they have an appointment, thinking did I forget something.  One of them says, oh, no.  We just stopped by.  Can we get a tour???  Uh.  No.  First, you aren’t going to book when I tell you the price.  Second, you need an appointment.  Third, even if we were an event space you don’t just show up.  Fourth, I am in the middle of a different tour.  So no.  I think they were upset, but I did explain that if they emailed me I would give them details and pricing.  They emailed today, I sent them pricing.  They did not email back.  A rehearsal dinner at my restaurant is going to cost more than their wedding venue.  

Tonight a host comes up to me and said a man named Mike called.  I asked if I could take a message, he said, you called him early today and he was returning the call.  I’d know what it’s about.  I had 37 messages I returned today.  I have no idea who Mike is. 

Last but not least, last night I was on the door.  A woman calls and leaves a message.  I can hear the message as it’s being left on the cordless phone.  I know they gist of the call.  It’s a long message. She calls back about 10 times throughout the night.  Today I check messages.  I get to hers.  I save it.  When I’m finished recording all them, I play hers starting the stop watch on my phone.  Her message is almost 3.5 minutes long.  That is a very, very long way to tell me she needs her reservation cancelled.   Thing is when I start returning calls I discover that her reservation has already been cancelled and she didn’t need to speak with me at all.

I’ll end by saying I could write a post like this every day.  I have about 6 more items just from tonight, that I could share with you.

Meanwhile.  It’s bed time.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At my last job, I discovered there was no place to get a soda for my drive home.  

Not Diet Coke.  Calm down.  

Club Soda.  Flavored fizzy water.  

Last spring, I got into the habit of taking a cup of soda water home from the restaurant each night. 

This continues at my current job. 

The difference is that my current cup is a red, Coca-Cola cup.  

There are only three of these cups in the restaurant.  The rest are clear plastic.  

I use my cup, every day.  All day.  

I take it into work with me from my car.  I use it throughout the shift.  I fill it up and take it with me when I leave.  

Everyone knows it’s my cup. 

Why?  

Because I ask them to fill up my cup when I’m running around, or at the door, or when I’m lazy and my feet hur.  

When I’m hosting, the glass is on the desk.

When I’m on the floor the cup is on the coffee shelf.  

Tonight, I was on the floor. 

Tonight, my cup was on the coffee shelf.

It was a crazy second turn, so it around 9:30 when I went to get my cup, fill it, and settle in for the end of the evening.  

But to my dismay, my cup was gone.

What the fucking fuck?

It was not where I left it. 

There is a thief in our midst.  

I am going to have to do a bag search as people leave to figure out who the fuck took my cup.  

I looked everywhere.

In dish.  

At the bar.

In my office.

At the host stand.  

Finally, I was forced to get a clear plastic cup.  

The soda water tasted and felt completely different.  It was just not the same.

I sat sadly at the chef’s table.  Depressed that someone would take my cup.  

Finally, this horrible evening ended and I locked up and was ready to go home.  

And as I walked through the kitchen, what would you know.  

Miracle of miracles.  

There was my red cup, on the clean dish rack.

I was so overcome with happiness, I collapsed on the floor sobbing.  

I then poured the contents of my clear cup into my red cup.  

And drove joyously home for the evening.

Normalcy had been restored. 

Update: I watched the security cameras. It was Bob. Bob stole my cup. Damn him for being good at his job!!!

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

First I have a question…

Does anyone know the term for someone who yells in public not to make their point, but so that everyone in their general vicinity will know they are unhappy?

For example, let’s say the parking lot at a restaurant is full.  

A person, leaves the lot to go do something, and when they return there is no ready spot for them.  This person, decided to park in the no parking area, clearly labeled, which happens to be the access point for a neighbor who’s driveway is an extension of the parking lot.

When the person with the car, is asked to move, he begins to yell at the 22 year old hostess.  

But he does move his car. 

But when he returns to his seat, he complains loudly for everyone’s benefit.  

This continues, with his telling of his displeasure whenever he has the opportunity.

At one point his is yelling so loudly that the manager, hears and starts to pay attention.

Once again, his speaking is loud, not to prove his point, but just so everyone will know he is unhappy. 

He is insisting that a restaurant must have at least one parking spot for every table in the restaurant.  

He is insisting that when he returned there were empty tables, thus proving that the restaurant has more tables than parking spots.  

He is insisting that something be done immediately about this. 

There is no reasoning with the man, although the manager tried.  

It was very important for the man to make sure everyone knew that was annoyed.  Very loudly.  For everyone in ear shot.  

So.  

What is that called?