I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It’s been more than 2 months since I switched from writing on my phone to a computer.  

First my laptop and now my very fast Mac.  

When I typed on my phone it was often in bed, on the couch, half asleep.  

It was impossible to edit, so I usually said fuck it and was embarrassed when I didn’t know the difference between there and their when I read the post over the next day.  

When I switched to the computer, first I was on the dining room table, but well over a month ago I switched to my office.  

And I realize something today.  

I was in the shower, this morning thinking that I wasn’t tired from not sleeping.  I was also not looking forward to sleeping for 12 hours tomorrow on my day off.  

And here’s what I’ve discovered.

For the first time, in decades I have a consistent schedule.

The alarm goes off at 11:30 a.m.  I snooze until 11:55.  

I get up shower, get dressed.

I’m in the car by 12:15.

I drive to work.

I spend from 1:03 to 4:00 doing admin work.

I spend from 4:00 to 4:50 setting up the restaurant, pre-shift, etc.

At 4:50 it’s showtime and I conduct service.  

Around 9:30 or so I sit at the chef’s table.  I sometimes, answer emails.  I sometimes just talk to chef.  I sometimes, text with my boyfriend.

Around 11:00 I count money, do the deposit, and wait for dish to finish up. 

I’m usually in my car around 11:45 headed home.

I get home at 12:30.

I treat the cats.  

Do my chores.  

Make dinner.  

I eat at my computer, while I read the news, etc.  

When I’m finished with dinner, I write, one, two, six posts.

I finish around 2:30.

I shower, go to bed.  

At this point, it’s the first time I actually look at social media all day.  From around 2:45 to 3:15 I look at Facebook.

And by 3:15, 3:30 the lights are off and I’m asleep.    

8 hours later the alarm goes off. 

Here’s the deal.  

It’s an actual 8 hours later that I wake up.  Every night the same.  It’s been almost 2 months since I didn’t get 8 hours in a night.  

I wake up, and I’m refreshed, not grumpy and ready for the day.  

Not tired.  

And I’ve stopped having anxiety about how much sleep I’m getting.  Anxiety about, when I’m going to have another 10 hours of sleep.  

I like this routine.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It was Monday.  

Mondays are the worst. 

I was hoping that the beginning of the end of our season would break the spell.  

It poured here today.  The patio was closed.  We could only be so busy with just the dining room open. 

We opened at 4:50 as always today.  

In walks the first couple.

I touch my I-pad and it won’t respond.  This isn’t surprising.  I have an entire post, in my head,  about how lame Resy is for the restaurant.  

I close the app and restart it.  

The screen is black.  

The couple standing in front of me is a 2-top.  They say that have a reservation, I seat them, making a note of their name so I can put them at the right table when the system comes back up.  

It’s only takes about 90 seconds for the system to start working again. 

However, 90 seconds is an eternity and I now have a line at the door. 

I get the next 2-top seated.

And then a group steps up to the host stand.

Hi, do you have reservation tonight?  

Yes, have a reservation for 6 at the bar.  

Insert screeching noise here.  

In the 14 months I’ve been manager, we’ve taken exactly two 6 top reservations at the bar. Both were in the last month.  Both were for regulars.  Both were in the 2^nd turn.  

I absolutely would not take 6 people at the bar in the first turn.  

I ask what the name on the reservation is and they tell me.  

Chef had actually pointed out that we had 2 reservations at the bar tonight, at the same time with the same last name.  One was a 2-top.  The other a 1-top.

This usually means they double booked or wanted a 3-top.  I moved them next to each other.

These are the people. 

I of course know the name and explain that the reservation was only for 3 people.

They all start talking and in all the chaos they explain that they made multiple reservations.  

I ask what the other names are and they tell me.

Only I can’t find it.

Another name.

Can’t find it.  

It’s approaching 5:00 and now I really do have a line at the door.  

Finally, they give me a name I find.  A 2-top at 5:15. At the bar.    

Another name.  I find it a 1-top at 5:00.  

Four reservations, for 6 people at the bar.  

So, I send someone in with the 1 top and the 2 top sitting together at the bar.  Seats 21, 22, 23.

I send someone else in with the 1-top.  Seat 1 at the bar.  

And I send someone else in with the final 2-top and they are going to 15 and 16.  

Chaos ensues because they are confused.  

One of them comes back to the host stand to explain that she doesn’t understand what is happening.

I explain that I have seated their reservations, and they have been shown to their seats.  She goes back in but the 6 of them are moving about, and no one is sitting down.  

I say excuse me to the line of folks at the door and go into the bar.  

I walk up to them and explain that three of them are sitting over there and 2 of them are here and one of them is over there.

They look at me like I’m stupid.  

Finally, a woman explains that they made the reservations thinking that if they just showed up at 5:00, we’d work it out.  

I explain that it’s not that simple.

She says but if we show up at 5:00, you should just be able to work it out.

She then says, that she tried to make a reservation for 6 but it wouldn’t let her.  

I explain that we don’t take reservations for 6 at the bar, and that if they’d put in 6 people as a request a pop up menu would have appeared saying that if you are 6 or more to call the restaurant and we would help you find a reservation.  

She keeps protesting and finally says, but we’ve been here several times this summer and it’s never been a problem.  

I ask her if she has come with 6 people, and she says no.

I also know that I’ve never seen any other them before.   The reservation history, says it’s all of their first times.  

I explain again that I can’t accommodate 6 people at the bar.  And that unfortunately I can’t seat them together.

She wants to know why.

This is where it gets tricky.

I’m not just being an asshole to be an asshole.

Here’s the thing about our bar.  

We reserve it.  Meaning all night people will be coming in with seats they are expecting to be able to sit in.  

If I seat 6:00 people at 5:00 they will not be up at 6:30, when the computer thought they would.  So I will NOT have a place for my five 6:30 reservations.  Six people at the bar will be there for 2+ hours and will probably not even be up for my 7:00 reservations.

AND.

The bar is the trickiest of the areas to plan out for the evening.

Why you ask?

Well, you don’t want to seat all the 5:00’s next to each other, because you end up with 6 people clumped together, and they don’t understand why they have to sit right next to each other.  

And.

We have regulars.  LOTS.  And lots of regulars.

They have specific seats.  Kristen is seats 9 and 10.  Martha is seats 11 and 12.  Jean is also seats 11 and 12 on a different day.  Brian is always, always, always seats 13 and 14.  Beth likes to be able to see the TV’s.  Marc and his husband like to see the kitchen.  PS.  Brian doesn’t like to be seated next to Martha when they are in at the same time.  11 and 12.  13 and 14.  So I am to move one of the couples.  

I also plan out the night so the end of night bar reservations are not seated next to each other.  They make friends and the next thing you know its 10:30 and all the 7:00’s are still here, having a great time, and I just want to go home.  

I explain an abbreviated version off all of this and she says, so I guess if you aren’t from here you are just screwed.  

I explain that all she had to do was call as Resy explained and that we’d have been happy to get them a table.  

At this point the man who is supposed to be sitting by himself starts to get loud.  The woman I’m talking to shuts him down and they all sit down.  

Unbeknownst to me, they are sharing appetizers 20 minutes later, with each other around the bar.  

They don’t say anything else to me, they haven’t left a bad review yet, and they all left separately and were gone by 6:30.

By the time this has been sorted out, it’s after 5:00, my line at the door has grown.  

Did I mention I’m the only host today.

I get all my 5:00’s and 5:15 set.  Take a few phone calls, just as the 5:30’s start to appear.

And suddenly a man appears at my right, saying hi, we are the 7-top that called and we are here for our reservation.

Hmm.  This is interesting as I didn’t take a call for a 7-top.  

He says yes, my wife called and left a message saying we were coming, we are a 7-top.  

I assure him that if he did not speak with someone that he does not in fact have a reservation.

He then explains that they do have a reservation.  For four people at 5:30. But they have arrived with seven.  He goes on to explain that his wife called and spoke with someone today about a 11 top and we had room, so logic has it that if we could’ve seated an 11 top, seven must be easy.  He says, so we are 7 for dinner.

I find the reservation for four.

Yes.  I remember this woman.  We had a very pleasant, very funny exchange on the phone.  

She called about an 11 top and I explained that we could accommodate the party, but we’d have to use our special pre-fixe menu.  To do this she’d need to email me, I would respond immediately and if they were good with everything, I could book the reservation.  

In the process of giving her my email address, she read it back to me, changing the name of the restaurant, to a very famous, truly impossible to get a reservation at restaurant with a similar name.

I laugh and explain that although very similar in name we are not an unfound kitchen.  

I then ask if she has ever been there.  She says no, but she’s tried for the past several years.  

I then say, that a friend won the lottery for reservations and invited us to join her and her wife and so we were lucky enough to go. 

I then say to her that I actually answered the phone several times when I first started using the other restaurant name instead of ours. 

We laugh and laugh, she hangs up.

She sends the email.  I send her the information back and I don’t hear from her again.

This is not surprising. 

The pre-fixe menu is wonderful.  And anyone who orders it will tell you it’s a site to behold.  But it’s not inexpensive.  

I’m sure if it were 50% less expensive everyone would do it.  

I go on about my day, until 5:30 when this woman’s husband is standing in front of me saying they booked a reservation.  

I explain that I spoke with his wife, I offered her a table for 11 and never heard back.

He says, yes, you could accommodate us.  We are 7 now, so it should be easy.  7 is less than 11.

I explain that the conversation was at 2:00.  It’s now 3.5 hours later.  We don’t hold tables just in case someone changes their mind.  That table was gone by 4:00.  

He then says, okay, how about you seat us in one of your private rooms.  

I try to explain, but he keeps interrupting say can you seat us in one of your private rooms.

I explain that those rooms are booked but he seems confused.  

He still doesn’t get it. 

He then says and I quote, “But we cancelled our reservation at the super fancy formal restaurant at an Inn across town, to come here.  What are we supposed to do now?  What am I supposed to tell the Smiths?”  

At this point his wife steps in, asks him to calm down and stands in front of me.  She is very kind, very pretty and I want to be her friend.  She calmly says, I understand what you are saying but is there anything you can do?

I explain that I can’t.  We are booked for anything over 4 tonight.  I booked the last large table around 5:00.  A walk in of people from the beach, who were going to their hotel to shower and would be back by 7:00.  

The husband interrupts and says why can’t you give us that table. 

And I have to explain that it’s now almost 5:45 and a 7-top cannot, sit, order, eat and drink and be out in an hour and 15 minutes.  It’s not possible.  

The wife continues to be kind and finally turns to the husband and says let’s go outside and figure something out.

They leave.  

Well sort of.

It’s pouring.  So, they stand with the front door open, where the breeze is negative 30 degrees tonight, and they discuss what they are going to tell the Smiths who cancelled their reservation to be here. 

They talk for at least 15 minutes.

Finally, the wife comes back to the desk.  Apologizes again.  Says that they are going to cancel their 4-top reservation.  And she’d appreciate if I didn’t charge them $25 per person, but would understand if I did.  

I tell her I won’t charge her and will take care of cancelling the reservation.  

She tells me she appreciates me, and leaves.  

It’s well past 5:45 when I realize John’s hasn’t come in for his 5:30 reservation.  He’s often a little late, but never this late.  I call and he answers and say that he forgot to cancel the reservation but he’s coming with his parents and grandparents. 

I say, huh?  

He said, yeah, you spoke with my mom today and made the reservation.

I said yes, for her and your grandparents.  She never mentioned you and your wife joining.

He says, we are here and we’ll figure something out.

They walk in about 5 minutes later and they are ALL apologetic about the confusion.

I too am apologetic, because they are the nicest people.

I explain that there is nothing I can do.  They discuss amongst themselves and decide that they’ll eat the way the reservations are.  Two at the bar.  Four at a table.  

I get them seated.

It’s 5:55.  

I turn around and 5 people are leaving.  

What the fuck?

It’s table 37.  

What the fuck.

Five tops don’t eat in 65 minutes.  

But they did.  And table 37 will hold 6 people.  And the reservation at 7:00 is for 4 people.  

I let them all know that if they can sit tight for about 6 minutes, I can get them seated together.

And by 6:05 they were seated and had a great time.

On their way out they couldn’t stop thanking me enough for working it out.  

I told the mom that I was just grateful she was nice.  

She put her hand on my arm and said I’m always nice.  And I bet that she actually is.  

Then she commented on how cold my arm was.  I put my hand on hers and she shrieked that they were COLD.  I said yes, I’ve been cold all night.  She replies, I would love to put them on my neck but I won’t. 

Trust me it was not creepy.  I’m sure it was only menopause.

It’s now 8:00.  

The rest of the night has gone better.

There was a message at 5:10 from the 7 top, saying they were on their way.  I probably won’t return the call on Wednesday.  

I’m officially glad I only have 4 more Mondays.  I don’t think I can take much more of this.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Today was the Sunday of Labor Day weekend.

Tomorrow is actually Labor Day.

It will be quiet night for us Monday.

As of right now, we have about half the covers scheduled for tomorrow that we did last Monday.

Still a respectful night, but much quieter than it’s been since mid-May.

It’s also going to rain all day tomorrow, and this will cause people who will only eat outside to stay away.

None of us are sad about this fact.

Tomorrow will be quiet.

We are looking forward to it.

As a thank you today, we fed the team tonight. We also let them drink.

Everyone was done and off the clock and Chef put out a spread of steak, salad, empanadas.

All delicious.

The team gathered around the bar and decompressed.

They might not even be aware of their expressions but as I looked around the room, I could see the sigh of relief from everyone that Labor Day was finally here.

We have the final 4 week count till October 10, when we start closing on Mondays again.

We made it. All in one piece. For the most part.

Mostly unscathed.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I’m at the host stand around 8:00.

A server appears and says, may I call? (I’ll write about this term sometime).

I say of course.

She says, do you have time for a little story.

I say yes, and she begins.

She says that table 13 has been great and they’ve had a good time tonight.

They have finished and she swings by to drop the check.

She’s back few minutes later and picks up the check presenter, which has cash in it.

She says that she’ll be right back with their change.

The man at seat #1 tells her to keep the change that she’s been great. She deserves the extra because she’s been so wonderful.

It’s more than $100 on a $250 dollar check.

She explains that she said she was very appreciative, that It’s always nice to have her service recognized (she’s very good), and that she can truly use it.

She leaves the table and goes about her business.

Except a few minutes later the man at seat #1 calls her over and asks where his change is.

She’s confused and says as much.

He responds, oh I was just joking about keeping the change. It was a joke. I had no intention of leaving that much.

She stammers and stutters and says okay and goes and gets him his change.

She says, can you believe that someone would do that?

I can’t imagine how she felt in the moment. Embarrassed, like she was asking for money. Angry that anyone would think this is funny.

The worst part, is that she knew his friends who were seated in seats #3 and #4. She used to work with their daughter.

The part she doesn’t know is that they sat for three hours and caused her to miss a turn on the table.

She finishes the story.

We go on…

…

…

…

About 9:15, I’m in the kitchen doing something, when someone comes to find me saying there is a woman at the host stand looking for me.

Uh. Oh. I’m about to get yelled at for the third time tonight.

I enter the lobby, introduce myself to the lady and she says,

Hi. I don’t know if she told you, but we were seated at table 13

I think, ah. Table 13.

She then proceeds to tell me that his friend played a very rude joke on the server.

I say yes, I heard.

She shows me that she has money in her hand and asks if it would be okay to see their server.

I find the server and say, table 13 is back and would like to see you.

The server says, no fucking way. I have nothing to say to them that won’t get me fired.

I assure her she needs to go to the lobby, and she does.

The server finds me later and says that the woman was apologetic. Mortified was the word she used.

The server asked if the man knew how embarrassing and awful that was, and the woman replied, he does now.

Seems they left the restaurant, drove to an ATM, took out the money that the server had returned to the man, and brought it back to her.

It was the mother of the person she had worked with.

She apologizes a million times, then leaves.

It’s was very kind of them to do the right thing, but seriously, who would think that’s funny????

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I got a call from a person I know from the restaurant yesterday. I knew it was her when I picked up the phone from caller ID. We exchanged greetings and she asked if I had a table available tonight for 8.

It just so happened that I did have a table. It was not outside, but yes, I could get them in.

She is so appreciative and then says, we have a surprise for you.

I ask what it is, and she says I’ll have to wait till they come in, but that it was her husband’s idea. He saw the gift and knew they had to get it for me, based solely on the last conversation we had.

I thank her, and tell her that she does not need to do that, but I do appreciate it.

We hang up and I truly have no idea what it could be.

Fast forward to 5:00. I’m on the door and they come in and we all hug.

She has a paper bag in her hand, and says we have a surprise for you.

She asks again is I have any idea what it is. I assure her that I do not.

She hands me the bag saying, we remember you mentioning the last time that you were in, that you and Adam go to Boston to see shows. The present was a silent auction for a fundraiser for our daughter’s school. My husband saw it and said we have to get this for Jeff and Adam.

I open the bag and it’s filled with stuff. A coffee cup, magnets, snacks and a voucher.

A voucher for 2 tickets to Kinky Boots and North Shore Music Theater.

And the best part was that they made sure the tickets were on a Tuesday before they bid because they know I’m only off on Tuesdays.

It was so kind of them.

I was almost moved to tears.

The backstory is their first time at the restaurant was about 3 minutes after I started. They called, I answered, I get them and their three girls in for dinner.

This happened a few more times over the summer and last fall and winner.

We have become friendly and about six weeks ago; they showed up without a reservation on their anniversary. I was able to get them a great table and I still had hosts at that time, so I was able to bring them over Prosecco and dessert after their meal. We got to visit a while and we shared stories about our lives.

I don’t remember talking of theater, but I must have. Because they are now standing in front of me with tickets to a show we have never seen at a theater we’ve never been two, two hours from our house.

Adam couldn’t believe it when I told him.

We both get the occasional gift at work, but this was better than even money, because someone took time and effort to think about something that we would both enjoy.

It was truly was special.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

When I started at my job, the front of house was the wild, wild, west.  

They had not had real structure in months.  

The person who’d been hired to be general manager, had quit unexpectedly.  This left Chef to do his job, my job, plus cook, and pay the bills, hire, and manager the whole team.  

I know how he is when he’s tired.  I can’t imagine what it was like before I started.  

My first day was on Wednesday, June 23.  

The first words out of his mouth to the staff was, “this is Jeff, go to him with your problems.”  

And it was true.  12 minutes into my first shift, I get called over to deal with a steak that had been sent back.  

Not his problem.  

Go ask Jeff was his mantra for the first several months.  

The staff now knows when to come to me.  

It wasn’t just the staff who’d needed structure.

The guests had had no structure either.  

In the first three days of being there, I pissed off everyone.  

I know you are a regular, I know that you know where your seats are at the bar, but I still need you to check in with me.  

I pissed off so many people. 

At the same time, though, I was creating stability.  I’m not sure the staff would have believed that then and I know the guests didn’t, but I was trying.  

Slowly things began to change.  The staff started to trust me.  All except a couple of people, who continued to push back and they ended up having a meeting with me in G-4.  That’s where I sit with people who are about to find out they are looking for new jobs. 

The guests were a little trickier.  I had only ever worked in one restaurant that took reservations and it was a very short stint.  I had a lot to learn.  A LOT to learn.  

It’s funny, about three minutes after I started on one of my first days a man walked in and started to head to the bar.  I stopped him and asked if he had a reservation.  He said no and started to walk on in.  I stopped him and explained that we had no room at the bar.

He looks at me and say, “you’re the guy that used to work at the restaurant across town.  I was going to spend a lot of money here but I guess I’m not now.”  He’s never been back.  

Piss people off I did, but we also came to an understanding.

And now going on 15 months later, for the most part our guests love me.  I know who the regulars are.  I know how to work magic and get people in.  

I know how to make people happy.  

We were busy tonight.  I stopped taking reservations at 3:00. 

We didn’t answer the phone tonight.  

And we managed to get in, every regular that showed up without a reservation tonight.  

All of them.  

And they were all so appreciative.  So grateful. 

I was on the patio tonight and a man comes up to me and says, “is this your restaurant?”  

I explain that I don’t own the restaurant but I am the general manager.

He says, “you should be very proud of what you’ve accomplished here.  I’ve worked in the business consulting on restaurants for years, opening too many to count and what you have here is magical.”  

I always say thank you.  But I also say, that it’s not really me.  It’s the chef and the team that do all the work.  I just make sure people show up to do the work and they do and they do it well and they make my job easy.”

He wouldn’t hear of it though.  He said, “you may say that, but I have seen good and I’ve seen great and this is great.  And a lot of that is on you.”  

We talked for about 6 or 7 minutes until someone came to say Chef needed me.  

Last night I was talking to 2 real regulars who stopped me to say hello.  One of them thanked me for getting them in and then told me they really appreciated the changes I had made.  They could see a difference in the reservations, in the ability to get in, the ability to get a phone call returned and a huge difference in the service.  As always, I explained that it had very little to do with me but I thanked them for the compliment.  

I am telling this story, because sometimes I forget and get beaten down by the day-to-day operations and forget that I’m pretty good at my job.  I always say that I’ll never be the best general manager, but I’m sure as fuck not the worst.  

I am very aware of my limitations.  I’m very aware of the things that I struggle with.  I’m very aware of the things that I wish I was better at.  

But I also know what I’m good at.  

I’ll finish by saying that this week we had a 9 top reservation.  It was a surprise 30^th birthday celebration.  I worked with the woman hosting the event over the course of the last month.  The event was for her son.  

When we reserve a table for more than 8 people, we use a special pre-fixe menu.  I have to send all the information, along with pricing, and availability.  There were a ton of emails back and forth as we planned the event.  Even day of, as a few of the people had tested positive for COVID and couldn’t come forcing their numbers to change.  

The day of the dinner, we get everyone seated a head of the guest of honor.  The son arrives thinking they have dinner reservations for 2.  

Here’s the catch.

I knew the birthday boy.  He worked for me in 2013 has a server.  He had just finished college and was embarking on his future.  He was not the best server, but what he lacked in skill he made up for in being a genuinely nice person.  He is still one of my favorite employees.  

When he arrived, he gave me a big hug.  I exclaimed that it was nice to see him, pretending that I had no idea he was coming in.  I picked up two menus and led them through the dining room.

The area where they were seated has a row of two tops against the wall, and 4 tables of 10 in private rooms.  I get them there and say you can take a pick of the two tops.  He starts to sit down and I say, I actually think you’d like this one better.  I lead him to  one of the large rooms and everyone yells surprise and he tears up and gets emotional. 

He joins his friends and eats dinner.  

At the end of the meal, I make point of saying goodbye.  He is about to leave and gives me a big hug and thanks me for everything.  His mom gives me a bigger hug and thanks me even more. 

We stand and chat for about 15 minutes.  

And at one point, we are chatting about his time as an employee and I say that I have changed a great deal in the 9 years since he worked for me, and that I’m a much better manager.  He looks at me and says, I thought you were a great manager then.  And I appreciate all that you taught me that summer.  

I hugged him again.  And he went on his way.  

A lot of people who will read this post worked for me moons ago.  

Back in 1902, I was faking it till I made it.  

I appreciate their patience.  I appreciate their kindness.  I appreciate what they taught me.  

I have changed.  Mostly for the better.  

But sometime I have to remind myself that even when I’m struggling, I’m pretty good at my job.

And I’ll never be the worst fucking manager!!!

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

The night was smooth.

Mostly.

Considering it was one of the top 10 busiest nights this season, I’ll take it.

We open the doors at 4:45 today.

A little earlier than usual, but people had been waiting since 4:30 to get in.

Also, we were seating a ridiculously large amount of people in the first 45 minutes. Maybe the most we’d seated at 5:00 all summer.

The earlier we start the smoother it goes.

By the time 5:00 rolled around we had already seated 3/4 of people. We slow down as we seat so that servers who have multiple 5:00 reservations, don’t get crushed.

This happened tonight. A server got a 4-top, and a 2-top and had another 2-top scheduled in her section. It’s 5:01. She needs to breath. She’s also in a section with booths and those seats are highly coveted.

Each booth seats 4 people and we often don’t seat couples there because we need the tables of 4. However, tonight there are deuces abounding. So there is one last 2-top to seat in the 5:00 seating at a booth.

It’s now 5:02. The man, who is supposed to go to the booth is getting antsy. Grumbling. Loud enough for us to hear, but not loud enough for me to say anything.

It’s now 5:06. And a 10 top walks in. They are taken straight in.

It’s their server’s first table and he has an 8-top not long behind them.

As soon as the 10-top goes in the man waiting marches up to the desk demanding to know why we sat them first. He says he doesn’t understand why he came early if he has to wait. It’s 5:07 at this point.

I am at the host stand and I say, because they are a 10 top and you are a 2-top and they are in a different section.

He grumbles about making sure he never comes back with just he and his wife. He’ll bring 8 friends next time.

There are currently about 8 or so people waiting to be seated in the lobby.

He continues to grumble.

Fun fact.

I don’t reward bad behavior.

This man was slated to go to a booth. Instead, I gave him a 2-top in a long row of 2-tops.

I sat the couple that was supposed to go the 2-top first in the booth and then sat him last at the 2-top.

He was seated at 5:10. Barely 10 minutes late.

The hosts said he was quite lovely when he left, suggesting that he was just hangry.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Server edition!!!

Have I mentioned lately that I love my job.  I actually enjoy going to work and making money.  I enjoy the energy of the place.  The pace, the excitement, the fun of waiting tables.  It’s sometimes unfortunate that I like my job so much because it’s not forcing me to find more theatre work, but that’s not even the issue right now.

On that note, I had a very interesting night.  For two reasons.  One is kind of interesting in a good light, the other is kind of interesting and appalling in another light.

I’ll tell the good story first.  I’ll also let you know that both the couples I’m about to discuss were sitting next to each other at my counter at exactly the same time.  It really demonstrates a lot about the people I deal with.

Couple number one was a young attractive couple.  American.  Very nice, nothing that would have made me even take notice of them except for the couple they were sitting next to.  When the evil couple I will talk about later left, my nice young couple wanted the whole story about what was going on, since they only started paying attention when the evil couple began screaming at the manager.  And I told them the story.  And they too were appalled.  And we laughed over it.  And somehow in the course of the conversation I discovered that they were locals.  And the first question I ask any locals is why the fuck are you eating here.  And they replied that they wanted nachos and they thought they could get them here.  And what do you know.  We had nachos.

And the conversation continued.  My question was followed by their question of why the fuck do you work at this restaurant.  And I gave my stock answer.  It’s busy.  It’s busy.  It’s busy.  And I’ll never run into any of my friends here, and no one minds if I take off to go do other work.  And I told them that I was a lighting designer for theatre and opera.  I told them that I designed around the country and had just returned from doing three shows in Oklahoma.    I then told them that I had just gotten an email asking about doing two operas in the midwest next spring.  And they asked me if I’d ever heard of the Des Moines Opera Company.  And I told them that I had.  And I asked them if they were from Iowa.  And they said that they were.

And here’s the fun part.  I asked them if they were familiar with the little school that I taught at in Spring 07.  Not only had they heard of it, the girl had gone there.  And then we started playing the do you know game.  And she was amazed that I knew all of these people she knew.  And then by chance she asked if I knew this guy named Mike who had just done an internship in the theatre department.  And then she was completely shocked to find out that not only did I know him, but that I had been his boss this summer while he worked for me in Oklahoma.  Turns out that they are best friends and that he’d told her all about me, the summer and the drama of the whole thing.

So here was this random meeting of two people who happen to be good friends of a friend of mine from Iowa.  And this just proves that the world is too small.

At this point you should get a beer or a shot of tequila because you’ll never believe the crap that I’m about to tell you.

Just before I sat the above couple in my section I sat a foreign couple.  I did my thing, dropped them off at their seats and then went on to check on everyone else.  And then I came back to the table, said hello, and asked them if they’d like something to drink.

I know I’ve said this before, but our drink menu does not have prices listed on it.  And as I’ve said before I’ve never gone in a restaurant that has prices listed on their drink menus.  I’m not sure why this, but it seems to be the rule not the exception.  And it’s impossible to know all the prices.  We have close to fifty drinks on our drink menu and I’m barely able to remember what’s in them, let alone how much they cost.  And I always explain this to people by explaining that I just push a button and the computer does the rest.  And that if they’d like to understand better what I’m talking about, they should let me have their cell phone and I’ll pull up some random persons name and see if they know the phone number.  And every single time the understand what I’m talking about.  If they speak English that is.

So I say hello and ask what I can get the couple to drink.  Their first comment is that there are no prices in the drink menu.  They seem to speak English fine although it’s clear that they are foreign.  I tell them about the prices, the range that they run from.  And then they ask how much a bottle of wine is.  I have worked at this restaurant for a year and in that time I’ve sold three bottle of wine.  We don’t sell many bottles of wine  and so there was no way in hell I was going to know the price.  So I explain that they start around 35.00 and go up to about 50.00.  And then they ask how much the glasses are.  I explain that they start around 8.50 and go up to about 12.00.  And then they ask which one is the cheapest.  You should never say this to your waiter.  It raises all kinds of red flags about who they are dealing with and what the rest of the meal is going to be like.

So I’ve told the couple all about the wines that I can and tell them that if they let me know specifically what wine they are talking about I can tell them the price.  And I go away.  And I do my thing and eventually make my way back to the couple to see if they are ready to order.  And they are.  They order two orders of grilled salmon.  I ask if they’d like wine and they say no, they’ll just get water.  And I go away put the order into the computer and go do my thing.  And I go and seat another table, check on yet another table, run some drinks to someone else and as I’m passing by the counter the man is turning around from the bar with two glasses of wine.

And this pisses me off.  And I tell him as much.  I explain that I’m their waiter and that if they need something, no matter what it is, they are to get it from me, not the bar.  I’m stern about this.  And the man begins to shout at me.  He’s screaming that I didn’t come back to answer his questions about the wine and that I wasn’t helpful because I didn’t know the prices and that it was his right to go to the bar to get his drinks.  And I respond by saying that’s fine, I’ll go get the manager.

And so I explain to the manager about what’s happened and then I explain that I WILL NOT BE YELLED AT, BY ANYONE.  And that the couple needs to be moved to another table.  So the manager goes to visit the couple and stops me a few minutes later to tell me that it was a misunderstanding and that it wouldn’t happen again.  By now I’m pissed, I know that I’m not going to get a tip from them, so I’ve decided they’ll get my most crappy service, which is still miles above what some of my co-workers give.

And so I’m running around waiting on my tables doing my thing, and then I’m called over by the evil couple and the man proceeds to say the following to me.

“I’m about to go get two more glasses of wine at the bar, do you need me to call your mommy?”

OH, NO HE DIDN’T!

I don’t even give him the pleasure of a response.  I leave the bar, go the office and tell the manager (a different one this time) that I’m done with them and that I’ll not wait on them any longer.  They are welcome to sit there but I will not offer them any service.  I’m told that if they say anything else disparaging to me, they’ll be asked to leave.  And so I for the most part ignore them.  And then when there was no way I could ignore them any more the asshole calls me over to tell me that he’d like a to go box for his meal.  And then points to the miniscule speck of salmon left on his plate and then begins to laugh.  Once again I walk away without any remarks, I go to the office and tell the manager that table 65 needs their check and that under no circumstances am I delivering it to them, or having any other interactions with them.  So I’m standing at the other end of the counter when Matt drops the check off.  And I see the couple waving their arms and shouting at him.  And he takes the money from them and walks away.  When he brings me the money he tells me that they were pissed off that I hadn’t brought the check to them.  I guess they wanted to see if they could annoy me any more than they had.

And all of this is witnessed by the fun couple sitting next to the evil couple.  And as soon as the spawns of satan left, they asked to see Matt so they could give their side of the story.

I’m still pissed as I type this.  I know I responded to the assholes just as I should have.  I didn’t provoke them.  I didn’t engage them.  I didn’t give them the pleasure of a response.  And I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that the managers didn’t do more to stop the situation.  In their defense though, each time I brought the situation to their attention it was a different manager.  So none of them were completely aware of what had happened before.

I argued with these people in my head all the way home.  Saying all the things that I wish I’d said in the moment.  And yet I said none of them.  And if I had to do over again, I would still say none of them.  I like my job and I won’t risk being fired by arguing with a customer and engaging in some sort of debate.  But there is a limit to what I’m willing to tolerate and this was too much.  These people were rude and out of line.  And they should have been asked to leave the restaurant.  And if such a thing were to happen again, I would be more diligent about getting the managers to at least move the assholes to a new table.

On his way out tonight one of the managers complimented me on my cool head.  He said if it were him, he would have punched the guy and then come to get the manager.  I told him the same thing I told the nice couple.  I don’t allow my mother to yell or raise her voice with me.  I’m sure as hell not going to allow if from some asshole stranger.  I don’t care how important they are, or how much money they have, or if it costs me my job.  I have limits and these people crossed them tonight.

I’d like to speak to the mangaer!!!

Things that happened tonight:

A man sent back his old fashioned, saying it was just too strong for him.  

A woman sent back her blueberry martini because it was just too strong for her.  

A woman didn’t send it back, but only ate one small bite of her skirt steak, telling the server at the end of the meal it was chewy.  99.999% of the steak was still on the plate.  I showed chef and he said and I quote, “it’s a skirt steak.  It’s supposed to be chewy.”  We comped it but I didn’t want to.  

A woman shows up at 7:00 insisting that she has a reservation.  I was called to the door.  She is insisting that not only does she have a reservation but she and her family eat at the restaurant often.  I must do something.  Unbeknownst to me, until later, I find out she was mean to the host.  I find her a place to sit, but explain they only have 90 minutes to eat, as we have a table coming in at 8:30 that will need to be seated. 

Here’s the thing, someday I’m going to ask someone who insists that they are regulars whom I’ve never seen before what my name is.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.  What’s my name? If you’ve been here more than twice you know who I am. 

A woman shows up with 2 reservations tonight.  Never have I ever, made two reservations at one restaurant on the same night, 15 minutes apart from each other.  I never accidently entered my credit card twice, clicked through the 12 confirmation phrases.  It’s just never happened.  

A woman called tonight.  I answered the phone.  She was trying to find out when her reservation is.  This is not uncommon.  However.  She doesn’t know the date.  The time.  The name.  Or the phone number on the reservation.  It’s Friday night.  I don’t have time for this.  

I’m going to share a secret with you.  If someone calls and I don’t have time to deal with the call and it’s for a date two weeks from now, I say, I’m going to put you on a brief hold and I put the cordless on the receiver when I didn’t know until I had done it a dozen time that it ends the call. 

At that point they call back, leave a message and I call them back the next day.  

Before you protest.  I don’t have time to explain why I can’t finish the call.  I will lose the paper if I record a message.  Call me back, leave a voicemail.  

At 4:30 a woman was banging on the front door.  I go to the door. We are in pre-show mode.  The restaurant is buzzing with activity as we get ready for service.  I go to the door and she says that she’s there to buy a gift card.  I explain that she’ll have to wait until 5:00.  She gets huffy.  I say, you can always buy one online.  She wants the physical card.  I say, she’ll have to wait until 5:00 and she huffs away.  

I had a lady last night who became huffy when I asked if she had reservations.  She said no, of course not, you don’t take reservations.  I assured her that we do.  She insisted that on our website, it said that we do not take reservations.  I spin the I-pad around to her, open our website, and point to the reservation button.  She huffs and I get her seated.  

We had a table in from NYC last night.  New Yorkers always work the fact that they are from NYC into the conversation.  I always work into the conversation that I lived there for 15 years.  Said table announces they are from NYC and then get seated.  2 hours later on their way out they say and I quote, we had heard you were a good restaurant, but we are from New York, we had no idea a restaurant this good could exist outside of New York, let alone Maine.  The food was excellent.  The service impeccable.  The ambiance stunning.  We just had no idea it would be this nice.  She was probably surprised we had running water and were wearing shoes.  

Yesterday I was giving a tour for a group that is exploring doing a buyout for a business dinner.  I’m in the middle of the tour when a group of 5 people walked around the corner.  (Fun fact if I leave the front door unlocked for 10 seconds someone walks in).  I ask if I can help them and they say they are here for a tour.  They want to host a rehearsal dinner at the restaurant.  I ask them if they have an appointment, thinking did I forget something.  One of them says, oh, no.  We just stopped by.  Can we get a tour???  Uh.  No.  First, you aren’t going to book when I tell you the price.  Second, you need an appointment.  Third, even if we were an event space you don’t just show up.  Fourth, I am in the middle of a different tour.  So no.  I think they were upset, but I did explain that if they emailed me I would give them details and pricing.  They emailed today, I sent them pricing.  They did not email back.  A rehearsal dinner at my restaurant is going to cost more than their wedding venue.  

Tonight a host comes up to me and said a man named Mike called.  I asked if I could take a message, he said, you called him early today and he was returning the call.  I’d know what it’s about.  I had 37 messages I returned today.  I have no idea who Mike is. 

Last but not least, last night I was on the door.  A woman calls and leaves a message.  I can hear the message as it’s being left on the cordless phone.  I know they gist of the call.  It’s a long message. She calls back about 10 times throughout the night.  Today I check messages.  I get to hers.  I save it.  When I’m finished recording all them, I play hers starting the stop watch on my phone.  Her message is almost 3.5 minutes long.  That is a very, very long way to tell me she needs her reservation cancelled.   Thing is when I start returning calls I discover that her reservation has already been cancelled and she didn’t need to speak with me at all.

I’ll end by saying I could write a post like this every day.  I have about 6 more items just from tonight, that I could share with you.

Meanwhile.  It’s bed time.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At my last job, I discovered there was no place to get a soda for my drive home.  

Not Diet Coke.  Calm down.  

Club Soda.  Flavored fizzy water.  

Last spring, I got into the habit of taking a cup of soda water home from the restaurant each night. 

This continues at my current job. 

The difference is that my current cup is a red, Coca-Cola cup.  

There are only three of these cups in the restaurant.  The rest are clear plastic.  

I use my cup, every day.  All day.  

I take it into work with me from my car.  I use it throughout the shift.  I fill it up and take it with me when I leave.  

Everyone knows it’s my cup. 

Why?  

Because I ask them to fill up my cup when I’m running around, or at the door, or when I’m lazy and my feet hur.  

When I’m hosting, the glass is on the desk.

When I’m on the floor the cup is on the coffee shelf.  

Tonight, I was on the floor. 

Tonight, my cup was on the coffee shelf.

It was a crazy second turn, so it around 9:30 when I went to get my cup, fill it, and settle in for the end of the evening.  

But to my dismay, my cup was gone.

What the fucking fuck?

It was not where I left it. 

There is a thief in our midst.  

I am going to have to do a bag search as people leave to figure out who the fuck took my cup.  

I looked everywhere.

In dish.  

At the bar.

In my office.

At the host stand.  

Finally, I was forced to get a clear plastic cup.  

The soda water tasted and felt completely different.  It was just not the same.

I sat sadly at the chef’s table.  Depressed that someone would take my cup.  

Finally, this horrible evening ended and I locked up and was ready to go home.  

And as I walked through the kitchen, what would you know.  

Miracle of miracles.  

There was my red cup, on the clean dish rack.

I was so overcome with happiness, I collapsed on the floor sobbing.  

I then poured the contents of my clear cup into my red cup.  

And drove joyously home for the evening.

Normalcy had been restored. 

Update: I watched the security cameras. It was Bob. Bob stole my cup. Damn him for being good at his job!!!