I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I mentioned that I hired 2.5 hosts.  

One of them was training tonight. I was letting her drive the bus, while I stood there and tried to not tell her how to do everything.  

The 2nd half of the night was quiet so we were engaged in getting to know each other.  

At one point she asked me what my favorite food was.  

I thought for a second and then said, while I like ice cream a lot, I don’t know that I have an absolute favorite food.

I went on to say that I like too many foods to choose just one.  

The tuna crudo at Adam’s restaurant is amazing.  

The steak tartar is amazing.  

The carpaccio at my restaurant is amazing.  

She then told me she could tell I was high maintenance.  

I protested, but she insisted.  

Then she changed high maintenance to elegant.  

I assured her that I was also pretty basic.

Because a Whopper with Cheese, and extra mayo is also amazing.  

Avocado egg rolls at The Cheesecake Factory are pretty fucking amazing.  

And a Sonic corn dog is also amazing. 

She continued to tease me.

I then told her that before I met Adam the most adventurous thing I’d ever eaten in the history of eating was escargot. I barely ate any seafood. Oysters I thought were gross. I refused to eat sushi because it was raw fish. Chicken liver mousse was beyond anything I’d ever put in my mouth.  

Today, bleu cheese and olives are really the only foods I don’t really like. And I’ll eat both of those things when it’s in a dish I order.  

Meanwhile, I’m going to see if we have any ice cream in the freezer. If not there a good chance we have some chicken liver mousse in there instead. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was at the host stand tonight when a bartender came to let me know that he’d had a recook. A filet that the guest said was “too” medium.  

I’m not sure what that means, but okay. He lets me know that the chef is making her a new filet. 

The new filet lands at the bar.  

I’m actually, still at the host stand, looking into the bar area, when I see the bartender get called over. He speaks with the guest, and picks up the new filet.  

I meet him at the kitchen window.  

He lets me know that the new filet is closer to rare than medium.  

Chef lets him know that it will be out in just a couple of minutes and puts it back on the grill.

I stand at the window waiting. It should be no more than 4 minutes to get it up to the temperature that she wants, which I have been assured is medium rare NOT medium.  

I’m standing there when the bartender taps me on the shoulder and tells me to cancel the filet. The guest no longer wants it.  

I hate this game.  

We’ve waited too so we don’t want it any more. They do this if they wait for a table, if the kitchen is being slow, or the meal needs to be remade.  

We are NOT going to eat to prove a point.  

Sometimes, I can turn the scenario around by explaining that at this point, we are going to buy you the filet so if you don’t eat it, we are just going to throw it away.  

But so many times the guests still leave in anger. 

And here is the deal.

If you have waited too long to be seated, it’s usually a busy night. By the time you drive to a new restaurant, wait for a table in their busy restaurant, you might as well wait and let us make it up to you.

Same is true if your food takes an hour to get to you.

But alas, tonight there was no turning it around.

She lets me know that it’s her anniversary, and that the entire experience has been disappointing, from the cocktails, to the service, to the food. She absolutely has not intention of eating the steak.

I say to her, if you don’t eat it, at this point I’m just going to throw it away so please enjoy the filet.  

She says absolutely not, then launches into the fact that our bartender makes horrible drinks and then was rude to her when she pointed this out.  

I apologize for this.  

She lets me know that she is a regular, and that the service and experience that she has gotten is inexcusable.  

I apologize again, as I stand there holding her filet.  

She says to me, I’m not going to eat the steak, if you want to wrap it up for me that’s your business.  

Seriously.

17 seconds later, I dumped into the garbage.  

And went about my business.

For someone whose experience was so terrible, she and her husband stayed another 30 minutes.  

Of course, I’m at the door when they leave. I made a point of being there, because I didn’t want the host to bear the brunt of her anger.  

I’m greeting guests, when the guest comes into the lobby.

She looks at me with a death glare and I brace myself for the assault.

She asks if I’m the manager.

I assure her that I am.

She then says that she wants to discuss her experience with me.

I say okay.

She says, now?

I assure her that now is fine.  

There are two guests in the lobby. The chef’s son and his mom. They sit down on the couch and get settled like they have just decided to watch a movie in Imax.  

I have known this was coming for 30 minutes. I’m prepared for it. I remain calm. And actually gage my words much more than usual, so as to not appear rude, aggressive, or condescending.  

She starts.  

The entire experience was horrible.

She was given a drink that had no flavor and was flat.  

She told the bartender the drink tasted like it had no flavor and was flat and he said to her, maybe it’s because your taste buds are still getting over the meal you had last night.  

I say that I’m so sorry that that occurred, I will surely speak with him at the end of the night about how he spoke with her.  

She continues with the steak not being cooked correctly.

I apologize again, and let her know that I am sorry it wasn’t cooked correctly for her either time.

She then says, and then you comped the steak I didn’t eat, and the drink I didn’t like and that was all. I am never coming back. If you wanted us to return, you’d have comped the whole meal.  

I’m standing there, just staring at this point.  

I say, that of course I want them to return, but I’m not sure it warranted comping the entire check.

Fun fact: If they use the word comp, it’s not the first time this game has played out.

She says, but the bartender was rude to us.

I apologize again, and say that I will speak with him.

She repeats that that’s not enough.

I say, are you asking me to fire him? I can’t fire him in the middle of the shift if that’s what you’re proposing. We still have three hours of business to get through. I’m not sure what you are expecting me to do for you.

She then says again that I should have comped the meal.

I explain, that I can’t do that, and she lets me know she is never coming back and that I don’t seem to care.

The husband looks beaten. He tries to protest, but he is not a fighter. He just keeps saying that the bartender said something rude.

They finally leave.  

As promised, I checked in with the bartender at the end of the night.

He says, that it was two, NOT one drink that she sent back. And after the second drink was returned, he made a joke about her palette. This does not surprise me, as he has a dry sense of humor. Clearly the joke did not land. 

I’m still not sure what she wanted me to do.  

I was not going to comp the apps, the cocktails, and the wine that they had.  

I am not going to fire a bartender, who has worked with us for almost three years and is an exemplary employee over a bad joke. 

I bought her steak and drinks that she did not like.  

I know that we are in a service industry. But if the salesperson at Macy’s was rude to you, would you demand to get your shoes for free?  

McDonald’s employees in NYC are famous for being surly, but I’ve never gotten a free Big Mac.  

I also know that in my entire life, I’ve returned one drink. It was disgusting. And I was presented with the bill, with the drink still on the check. And I didn’t lose my mind. I paid the check. Knew it was a mistake. And have been back to that restaurant several times.  

Life is a series of experiences, some of them mistakes.  

How you choose to deal with them speaks volumes about who you are.

I remember a birthday dinner about 20 years ago, that I felt had a service issue, and I made a big deal out of it. I embarrassed myself and my friends.  

It’s one of those moments that still embarrasses me.  

And how do I atone for that behavior? By NEVER doing it again.  

When given a choice, take the high road. Every time.  

Choose to be accepting. It will change your life.  

It certainly has changed mine.