I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I hired 2.5 hosts in the past week.

Two of them are only hosts.  One of them is a server who is going to help cover the door to help us out. 

I had one of the hosts and the server in yesterday to start training.

We get to the phone part of the job, how to answer etc. 

Then the way to return calls.  

For example, you keep the messages you leave as brief as possible with no information.

My message is:

Hi this is Jeff returning your call from the restaurant.  You can reach us back at 555.555.5555.  

That’s it.  

I used to try to respond to them on voicemail, but WAY too many took the messages as a confirmation that I’d made them a reservation.  You don’t have a reservation until you speak with me.  Therefore I  keep it vague.

I’m explaining this to my new team, and suggest that they help return some voicemails while I’m sitting there.

I hand the phone to the first one.  She dials.  The call won’t go through.  

It takes a bit, but we determine that she didn’t dial the area code.

She tries again.

Still won’t go through.    

She forgot the “1”.

She finally completes the call.

Next host up.  

He dials.  

His call won’t go through.

Turns out he IS dialing the area code.  

I then give a whole lesson on how landlines work.  

He makes his call.

This goes on for about 2.56 hours, with me mostly teaching them how to use the dial feature of the phone.  

Turns out they are both YOUNG.  I’m not sure either of them have ever had a landline.  

Luckily, they had a great sense of humor about it.  

What should I teach them next?  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Another bad review:

Read the other reviews. Saying this place will rush you out the door is an understatement.

When you’re charging $150 for a steak, you should at least give the customer time to finish it — and also finish cooking it before you bring it out.

Hands down the worst culinary experience of my life. This is obviously a common occurrence for this place, we are not the only ones.

I wrote about this guy.

His wife’s filet came out underdone.  He then said he wouldn’t pay for it.  I said of course you’ll pay for it, or I’ll call  the police.  So, he paid for it and tipped the server $0. I took money out of my pocket and tipped her.  It was the only night she has cried at work.  

If you are going to post under your name, you have to understand that I can look up at your reservation.

You did order an expensive steak.  But you were never rushed.  You actually, stood up and yelled at me, and then stayed and finished your steak, got the rest to go.  

Do better next time.  

Asshole.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Do you ever want to climb into bed and just say fuck it?

Or even better, tell everyone to fuck off AND THEN climb in to bed and say fuck it.

I’ve been a GM four months shy of 10 years.

10 fucking years. Seriously. Some of my people from day one are friends here. You were there.

And being complained about on line, never stops bothering me.

The first review to ever mention me was about two weeks after we opened my first restaurant.

It was a four top that hated everything.

They hater their table. The fact that we didn’t have steak knives. The insisted that they hadn’t ordered the second round of drinks that they’d consumed. They said the check was wrong. They went on and on. And in their review, they said I was incompetent and was hiding in the office.

They failed to mention how they’d made a scene at the restaurant witnessed by the entire restaurant. Or the fact that they’d been caught making fun of the weight of their server.

Two of what would become regulars wrote responses to the review telling the real side of the story. I’m still friends with both parties.

Fun fact: I WAS hiding in the office. I’d never been personally attacked like that before. I don’t hide in the office anymore.

Before you start, yes, I know you should just let these reviews roll off my shoulders.

But sometimes they make it personal.

Like today.

Here’s today’s review.

Do not make reservations at this restaurant. If you must go, go as a walk-in and sit at the bar. The restaurant uses the Resy app and charges $25 PER PERSON for CANCELLED reservations. I accidentally made a reservation one day for 5 people and later cancelled it. (I was trying to make a reservation for 6 people two weeks later, but got interrupted and stuffed my phone back in my purse.) I repeat – I cancelled it later that day, but received a $125 charge in the evening. I even drove over to the restaurant, as I am a local and frequent customer. The front-of-house manager just smirked and refused to listen to my explanation. He said I took a table away from other patrons, but the restaurant was half empty. So, cancellations are only allowed 24 hours in advance – which is impossible to do if you’ve made a day-of reservation. Luckily for me, my bank covered it. Again, if you make a reservation for later that day, and cancel it, you will be charged $25 per person. I don’t even understand how this is legal.

As far as the food, it is expensive and usually good, but inconsistent. If you do get a piece of tough meat, you will be told it was done to the proper temperature, and there is nothing they can do about it. Service is pretty dreadful, but as you can see, the culture comes from the top. Why this maître d’ hasn’t been fired is beyond me, as every negative review mentions this smug and rude man. However, he’s been with the chef/owner for years, so the chef/owner must approve of his churlish manner. Our local restaurants are limited, but even so, I’ll never return to this unappreciative, presumptuous business.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Fuck me!!!

First this review is from August. I take up a lot of space in stranger’s minds and I don’t know how I feel about this.

Chef and I both agree that responding is never the right answer. No matter how you try, you can never come off gracious, even if you admit full fault, and who wants to do that.

So, we ignore them.

At least publicly.

So, let’s break this one down.

Yes. We take reservations. On Resy. But we do not charge @25 per person for cancelled reservations.

We do charge $25 per person for cancelled reservations if you cancel them after the time of your reservations. But I’ll come back to this.

As for walking in to the bar, if you dined with us more often, you’d know that on most days, you cannot walk into our bar and get a seat. You must make a reservation, where we will take your credit card and we will charge you if you cancel after the time of your reservation or in some cases just no show.

Who the fuck accidently makes a reservation? It defaults to 2 people, so even if you just sat on your phone, you didn’t accidently make the reservation fpr 5 people.

When you try to make a reservation you see this message:

Cancelling this reservation may trigger a fee of $25.00 per guest.

This message pops up again when you enter your credit card.

So, you see the message twice.

And did you accidentally enter your credit card twice?

AND.

When you tried to enter 6 people, Resy will tell you to contact the restaurant for parties 6 or more. So, you were trying to bypass that as well.

You weren’t trying to make a reservation for two weeks later it was for the next day. I know because technology doesn’t lie.

I’m sorry that you got interrupted, but you didn’t cancel. You didn’t cancel at all. You showed up with 6 people after making a reservation for 5 people for the next day.

And fun fact. You can cancel day of. Until 5:00. Most of the time even after that, if you let us know why and do it before the time of your reservation.

Fun fact: We are very, very, very forgiving with this policy. I charged maybe 15 reservations all summer. And even refunded a few people, to the point that Chef was angry that I was refunding people.

And this my friends is my favorite part of today’s post by me:

She wrote the following:

I even drove over to the restaurant, as I am a local and frequent customer.

She followed up by writing:

As far as the food, it is expensive and usually good, but inconsistent. If you do get a piece of tough meat, you will be told it was done to the proper temperature, and there is nothing they can do about it. Service is pretty dreadful, but as you can see, the culture comes from the top.

So, seriously lady: Why are you a frequent customer of a restaurant that is expensive, inconsistent, with dreadful service.

I’ll wait why you answer.

You can’t answer.

Truth is that’s not true. I just looked up your reservation. I remember you now. I remember speaking with you.

You have two reservations in your history. Both made for the same day. Accidently, I assume.

One of those reservations was cancelled about 2 hours after you made it. The other was cancelled 22 minutes after 5:00, by our host. Your reservation was made for 5:00.

Let me tell the good audience what really happened.

First, we were not empty that day. The patio was closed as it rained. It was the middle of August. We were packed. You didn’t call. You showed up at 5:22 and let us know you’d come with 6 people not 5. You told us that since you couldn’t make a reservation for 6 you’d made one for 5 and hoped for the best. You let us know you that you’d made a back up reservation, just in case we couldn’t accommodate you. Unfortunately, the restaurant was full and we couldn’t accommodate you. So, on your way out you let me know that since the other restaurant was more accommodating than us, you’d be sticking with that reservation.

So, you were going to piss someone off that night. You, just hoped it wasn’t us.

And if you hadn’t been so cavaliere about the second reservation I probably wouldn’t have charged you.

But here we are. 3 months to day of your reservation later, and you are telling me all the ways I’m bad at my job.

So, let’s address the rest of your post:

The culture comes from the top. Why this maître d’ hasn’t been fired is beyond me, as every negative review mentions this smug and rude man. However, he’s been with the chef/owner for years, so the chef/owner must approve of his churlish manner. Our local restaurants are limited, but even so, I’ll never return to this unappreciative, presumptuous business.

The culture does come from the top. Just ask my team. I don’t yell. I don’t chastise. I don’t berate them. But I do protect them, so when someone cancels on them 22 minutes after they are supposed to be at the restaurant I charge them $25 per person.

I’m not a fucking maître d. I’m the fucking GM. I own the front of house. And my nights are filled with people telling me at the door how fucking awesome we are.

FUCKING AWESOME.

My dreadful servers are the best of the best. My worst server, would be a rockstar at any other restaurant. Seriously. They fucking rock.

Yes, a lot of negative reviews mention the smug, rude man. They do. I own that.

And just like you, their stories are bent to meet their need to be seen as the good guys.

And it all comes down to the fact that I have yet to learn how to tell an entitled adult no without them acting like a toddler.

Anyone, want to help here. Adults don’t like to be told no. Angry adults like it less.

I have been with Chef for 18 months. Not very long at all.

But here’s a list of things I’ve done since then:

I’ve increased sales over 50% since I started streamlining our seating. I’ve improved moral, so the only people quitting these days are to start their cannabis business. Continued to hire quality people. And create a fun, loving, place to work.

The restaurants in our area aren’t limited at all. In a 30 mile radius, some of the finest food in America is served daily. But if you don’t want to go to the best of the best, I’d suggest the Olive Garden out by the mall, I’m sure you can get a reservation there.

I’ll finish by saying.

If we looked at all the 1* reviews we’ve had since we opened divided by the number of people we’ve served in the last three months our negative review rate is: .00052.

I think I can live with.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.  

We got two reviews today: 

The last one first:

Dinner  |  $100+

I sold our family home on up the street.  The new owners had reservations here….I called 1 hour prior to pay for there 1st dinner out in Maine…The man answering… could care less on my request.. said I should go on line to buy them a GIFT CARD..

Poor customer service
It’s a Sunday in November
Not July or August madness…

Hmmm.  

I’m going to translate this into reality:

I sold our family home up the street tonight. The new owners had reservations there.  I called 30 minutes prior to the reservation to buy them a round of drinks.  I asked the man who answered if he was busy.  He said yes, that he had people coming in for their 6:30 reservation but he’d try to help.  I was told that I couldn’t buy them a round of drinks directly but that an alternative would be to buy them an online gift card and it could either be emailed or texted to them immediately.  They’d be able to use it within seconds of the purchase.  I then tell him that I worked at an inn in town in the 80’s and it was so much easier back then.  People would call and you’d bend over backwards to make them happy.  I then tell the man on the phone that I am old fashioned but I understand things are different.    I thank him and then end the call.  

I then call back at 7:00 to demand that the couple who bought my home have their drinks paid for.  The man on the phone explains that unfortunately this can’t be done at this time, but the gift card is a suitable substitute.  I then start to lose my cool and explain that my family has owned a house in the area for years, that I have worked in the business, and that’s it’s November not July or August.  He tries to explain that he is alone on the door, and that contrary to popular opinion that he is indeed busy and then I interrupt and say, this is not going to go well for you.  I’m going to go out of my way to make this bad for you.  The man on the phone explains that he doesn’t understand what I am saying and I repeat myself.  He apologizes for not being able to help and I hang up.

I then go on line to tell the restaurant how much he sucks.

The review I found online at the start of my shift today:

Please provide feedback on your experience.

There was no aspect of our dining experience that was not executed to perfection. From the reservations to the final, “See you soon!” It was utter bliss. We ordered well, largely in part to expert guidance from our fearless and impassioned guide, Jennifer, who could do anything from circus ringmaster to hot rod sales to stand up comedy. Yet, I have a feeling there is no way to order anything that isn’t exceptional. The six of us gathered initially to hold up a friend who is going through a difficult time and instead the experience was a celebration of our lives, childhood memories were shared over the Christmas cookie ice cream, laughter was drawn out with every blissful bite of the dry aged Wagyu, the “cow” room was perfect for the occasion, and the manager was engaging, professional, and the kind of host that made us feel like we were in his home; disarming, welcoming, and warm. As a restaurant industry professional of over 25 years throughout the country, I am beyond impressed, nay, delighted to say this is my new favorite restaurant. We will be singing your praises to all our people and cannot wait to visit again in the near future. Thank you, Chef for the perfect example of the beauty that food and humans together can create.

Let me translate this review for you.

You.  The Staff.  The Chef.  The physical plant.  The food.  The music.  The plates.  The chairs.  The forks.  The knives.  The lamps.   The salt shaker.  The oil dispenser.  YOU ALL FUCKING ROCK!  YOU KILLED IT.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At 5:00 tonight, two older women walk into the restaurant and ask for seats at the bar.  

I ask if they have reservations, and they say they do not.  

As luck would have it, I have two seats available, the last two for the first turn.  

They assure me they won’t be long and I get them seated.  

Fast forward to 6:30. The two women are still seated and I think to myself, won’t be long my ass. I’m stressed because I have two couples coming in at 6:30 and I don’t have stools for them.  

I make a note on my paper, “won’t be long my ass.”

Two minutes later, I make the turn, past the curtains, to go into the dining room and guess who is coming toward me.  

The two older ladies.

I thank them for coming in and they reply, thank you for getting us in. We needed the counseling.  

I say of course, I’m glad it worked out.  

One of them says, they needed relationship counseling, and the other agrees.

This leads to some back and forth. I joke about how young they are. They laugh about the drinks they had and how much they needed them.  

I asked what they had to drink.

One of the women replies red wine tonight, but this one, pointing to the other lady, she has Kentucky blood and usually goes for something stronger.

I say, Kentucky? Really. What part.

No matter how many times I ask this, they always reply the same, because they assume I won’t have heard of it.  

She says, Central Kentucky.

I say what part.

She says, Lexington.

I say what part.

She says, we’ll really Frankfort but I lived in Lexington as an adult.  

At this point I share that I am from Kentucky as well. And grew up in Georgetown. 

They get very excited about this.  

The woman not from Kentucky asks if I root for the blue team. I assure her that I do.  

The KY woman, asks if I went to school there. I say, I went to Georgetown College for my undergraduate degree and UK for my Master’s.  

There is more back and forth and I say, I left Georgetown the year the Toyota plant opened.  

She says, The Toyota plant. That damn Mitch McConnell. You do lean blue don’t you

I reply I don’t know what you are talking about.

The other woman says, You are a Democrat. You look like a Democrat.

I say that I don’t know what you are talking about. When I’m standing at the door, I don’t get involved, but if you really want to know, I’m a middle aged gay man, so what do you think???

They both burst out laughing.  

The KY lady, continues that damn Mitch McConnell, I hate him. Thank god the election looks like it’s going to go our way this year. That damn Mitch McConnell, and then shares with her friend how Mitch let the cat out of the bag with the Toyota announcement to one up the Democratic Governor at the time.  

We continue to discuss the state. She says that she grew up in Frankfort and then lived her adult life in Lexington, and retired to Maine because her husband’s family had a house here.

We continue to chat. As we do, it seems like everyone I know is leaving the building. They walk into the lobby, join in the chat, we all laugh, say our goodbyes, and they leave as the two women and I continue to chat.  

We chat about them in Maine. They ask how I got to Maine from Kentucky. I share my theater background. I share that I moved here 10 years ago and how much we love it.  

We talk for what seemed like an hour.  

They start to leave and the Kentucky woman comes back to the host stand, and says, Do you know who Don Blevins is in Lexington?  

I say of course I do.  

She says, he’s my son. He just won re-election. Then she whoops.  

I say that’s awesome.

We chat for a few more minutes.  

She telIs me that she can tell I have a strong character because of all the limestone in Kentucky. I laugh and say I was just talking about that last night.  

I then tell her how wonderful it was to have this conversation and to have such a nice meeting. I tell her I can’t wait till she comes back in again.  

She leaves, and I’m left being grateful for the encounter. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Oh, oh, so much to write about tonight.

I got home with my list in my pocket tonight.  

There are 13 things, that are on that list I could share with you.  

Plus 2 things that I didn’t write down that could make the list.

I sat down to study the list and decide and I discover a note that I don’t remember writing, but surely it had to be me. Who in the world could have written something on my list other than me?

The note said Jeff “hearts” Jennifer.

I must have blacked out for a moment because for the life of me I don’t remember writing said note.  

It’s true of course.  

I just don’t remember writing it.  

I’ll save this note along with the one that says, “Brooke is the best.”  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was going to leave it at one post tonight, but I checked our survey report just before I started writing.  

One person tonight gave us a 70%.

His comment:

The drinks were heavy on the pour.  Not always a bad thing but more booze doesn’t always mean it’s better. 

Hmmm.

So, I log into our POS, and look up his check.  

Was his rum and coke too rummy?

I find the server, find the check.

Table 23.  

4-top.

6:45.  Seated 15 minutes early. 

Their order?  

A drink called “The Way Life Should Be.”

Ahhh.  

It’s a drink, that a million other restaurants in the area serve a version of.  

And what is this drink?

A blueberry.

Fucking.

Martini.

A fucking martini was too boozy.  

Seriously.

It’s 90% vodka.

VODKA.

Of course, it’s heavy on the liquor.  

It’s a fucking martini. 

Fun fact:  At least 10 times in my life while serving I had someone ask if they could get a virgin martini.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I left my list of tonight’s occurrences on my desk at work tonight.  

On my drive home, I tried to remember the best of them.  

Unfortunately, only one of them was anywhere near my memory.

I had fun at work tonight. It was a bit stressful as NO ONE wanted to sit in their pre-determined seat when they arrived in the first 20 minutes of the evening.  

Table 12 moved three times before they landed back at table 12.  

Table 31 wanted to move one table because it was by the door and therefore it was “cold.”  

Fun fact that door is never opened, and no air comes through it.  

It was cold because it was 76 in the dining room tonight and we turned on the air conditioning as service was starting.  

A server was helping me host tonight, and he watched me seamlessly move parties from table to table.  

To move Table 31, took 6 moves.  

Why you ask?

Because you can’t move just the reservation, I’m referring to, but every other reservation on the table as the next party time is based on a guess as to how long a table will be there.

So, all of table 31’s reservation had to be moved to table 32, and table 32’s reservations had to be moved to table 31

And you have to do it immediately, because I learned the hard way that a move two minutes late, can open up a reservation online, and the next thing you know you have a reservation with nowhere to put it.  

Once we got into the evening, things calmed down. 

But.  

Tables weren’t turning for the 7:00 push.

At 7:00, we had 15/20 people in the lobby.

I was joking and having fun.

A woman walks in and says they are here for their 7:30 reservation. It’s 6:55.  

I mark them as arrived, and let them know that it will be most likely be closer to the 7:30 before I can get them seated.

Her husband asked if it being his birthday would help any.

I jokingly, said unfortunately not tonight.

He laughed.

I laughed.

His wife looked at me and said, you have a very nice smile.

I smiled bigger and thanked her and said I try.

At which point the husband said, I think it’s just okay.  

I reply that with that response, I’d be happy to upgrade his table to a candle lit 2-top by the dumpster.  

The wife thought it was very funny, and told him if he kept it up he’d be out there by himself.  

It was a very sweet, very nice conversation.

At this point I have 7 tables that have arrived and are waiting.

By 7:05, everyone is seated, except for the 7:30 party at the bar.  

I realize I have a spot for them and 30 seconds later they are being led to their love table by the dumpster.  

They were equally sweet on their way out and I wished him happy birthday.  

Almost everyone was this nice tonight. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I sat down to eat dinner at midnight and put the TV on The Hallmark channel to watch The Golden Girls. But alas it’s Christmas movies all the time. I was going to eat. Move to my computer. Write a post. Go to bed.

It’s 1:48.

I can’t get off the couch until Candace Cameron Bure dumps the rich boyfriend and kisses the regular guy.

PS. I’ve seen this movie more times than I’ve seen The Wizard of Oz. But I have to watch just to make sure everyone lives happily ever after.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I’m on VERY friendly terms with a lot of our regulars.  

I share stories about Adam.  About where we live.  Our travels.  Our cats.  

I even share stories of growing up in Kentucky as a gay kid.

Tonight, two such people were in.  We bonded last summer when she’d call to make a reservation and the name that would pop up was her first name, but her ex-husbands last name.   They had not been married for a while.

She and her boyfriend come in often.  And every time it was the wrong last name.

Eventually we were friendly and I would tease her about it.  She’d tease me back.

Finally, I clicked on something one day, and it actually let me change her last name to the right name.

We were instantly best friends.  

She and her boyfriend, come in during the winter about once a week, most often on Thursday’s.  

I shared the story about Kevin from last night and on their way out came to find me to call me Kevin.  We laughed and I told that the staff wanted me to get a stage name.

They were tossing out ideas, and her boyfriend says, well it needs to be something strong that lets people know you are going to take any shit.

I thought for a second and said, How about DEXTER?  

It took a tenth of a second to get the reference but they thought it was perfect. 

Hmmm

Dexter.  

Or Hannibal.  

Or Jeffrey.