I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Hello thank you for calling how may I help you?

Yes, I’d like to know if you have any reservations available for Sunday night?

Of course, for how many people?

Wait just a second while I count.

I waited 90 seconds and hung up.  

Fun fact:  When you call to make a reservation you need to know the following:

The date:

The times that work for you:

The number of people that will be joining you:

These are absolutes.  

The more you know.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It’s a full moon.

And oh boy was it in effect tonight.  

It should have been the easiest of easy nights.

We were quiet. 

The staff was in a great mood.

Chef was in a great mood.  

I was in a fucking great mood.

But alas. 

The night started with a 5:30 reservation for 6 arriving at 5:05.  

They walked in and immediately told me where they were sitting, who was waiting on them, and essentially how the night was going to go.

They insisted that I seat the 6 of them at table #24 which is a five top. 

I explain that this can’t happen, because table #24 is a five top.  

They tell me that they WON’T sit in table #14.

I explain that that’s a good thing because they aren’t supposed to sit there.

They then demand that no matter where they sit, they get Jen or Lorrie as their server.

I explain that that can’t happen because Lorrie and Jen aren’t waiting on the table where they ARE sitting.  

They finally agree to go look at the table.

This is my favorite.  I’m 102 and never, ever, ever have I told a host that I wanted to walk through the restaurant, to take a look at a table, to decide if I want to sit there.  

But off they go.

The 16 year-old who has led them to the table is back in 14 seconds to let me know they aren’t pleased.  Aren’t pleased at all.  

(She tells me later, that she tried to say something to the woman who made the reservation and was told to shut up she wasn’t being addressed).

I tell the 16 year-old to bring them back to the lobby.  I will seat them at the table they insisted they didn’t want. But I’ve just sat that server two tables so they’ll need to wait.

They get to the lobby, full of huffing and puffing.    

The lady in charge says, I’ve never seen a restaurant so inflexible.  

Her friend says, loud enough for everyone to hear, I told you we should have cancelled our reservation and gone someplace else.

I interrupt and say, I’ll gladly cancel your reservation without penalty if you’d LIKE to go someplace else.  

By this time the lobby is filled with three or four more tables.  All people I know, all people who are glad to see me.  I’m getting handshakes, I’m getting hugs.  

One group of four has witnessed the whole exchange, and are intrigued by the behavior. 

The ladies get settled on the couch waiting.  Everyone else gets seated.

By the time 5:30 rolls around and it’s time for the them to finally get moved to their table, at least three or so more tables have walked in, with big hellos for me.  

It’s now 5:35. Everyone is seated.  

And now comes all the people I’ve seated, wanting to know exactly what the fuck that was. 

It’s food.  It’s a great restaurant.  How are you so miserable if it’s Christmas and you are here.  Isn’t she a business owner in town, she should know better.  Do you get treated like that often?

The four top that witnessed the whole exchange, actually commented on how polite I was, while saying that if they wanted to go somewhere else, it would be okay.  

The rest of the night was full of compliments.  

Two tables I don’t remember seeing before told me one of the reasons they come back is for my smile at the door.  

And then 8:00 rolls around.

I finally go pee, after waiting 2 hours.  

When I get back there are 3 people without a reservation, waiting to be seated.

The man’s face changes when he sees me.

According to the server who was watching the door, he was perfectly pleasant.  Then I arrived and he got aggressive.  He wanted to sit where he wanted to sit and let know that in no uncertain terms.  

Turns out, he was still pissed from showing up without a reservation three weeks ago, and having to sit at the end of the bar, instead of in the middle where he wanted. 

They are seated.  

The night ends.

At 10:15, because the 8:00’s always arrive late, and sit forever.

Oh.

And I almost forgot.

I’m standing at the host stand.  The phone rings, I answer, see a server out of the corner of my eye, and he says to me, a woman in the dining room is choking.

I won the 100 meter dash tonight.  I was in the dining room in about 3.4 seconds, yelling what table.

By the time I got there, a nurse had given the woman the Heimlich.  And she was okay.  

I checked on everyone.  All was well.  She was just embarrassed.  

And this in my very long post, is a reminder that if you are choking, fuck being embarrassed. 

It’s better to be embarrassed than dead.

PS. It was a piece of broccoli.