I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

January 29, 2023.  

A thought from today.

Dear friends.

Dear employees.

Dear friends of friends.  

Dear people who come to my restaurant.

IT.  

IS.

NEVER.

OKAY.

TO.

TELL.

SOMEONE.

THEY.

NEED.

TO.

LOSE.

WEIGHT.  

I know you mean it with kindness. I know you think you are doing me a favor.  

But.  

It’s not like I don’t to look in the mirror when I brush my teeth and comb my hair in the morning.

It’s not like I didn’t buy pants at the big and tall store before I left for Argentina.

It’s not like I don’t step on the scale occasionally.

It’s not like I haven’t battled my weight since puberty.

It’s not like any of this is a fucking surprise. 

If you want to be nice, just say it’s great to see you. You look nice in your new pants. I like that shirt. Did you get a haircut.

Anything about my weight is off limits.

AND.

It is NEVER.

NEVER.

NEVER.  

NEVER.

Okay to ask a person if they have ALWAYS been fat.  

This hasn’t happened in a while, but it still amazes me how often it happens.

Those exact words.  

Have you always been fat or did you grow up thinner.

I don’t know dude. Have you always been rude or did you learn that skill as an adult.

Seriously, so many times.

One time by a guest who was staying in my apartment in NYC. Sitting on my sofa. While I tried, valiantly to focus on drafting a light plot.  

One time by a female friend of friends, who was chunky herself.  

Fun fact.

I have not always been fat.  

In fact, there was a time in my life that I was known as Hot Jeff.

No lie.  

But you want me to tell you a little secret.  

I’m so much happier where I am today than I was during that period.

In fact, my boyfriend at the time dumped me because I’d gained 25 pounds my first quarter of grad school.

No lie.  

Now I eat the food.

I eat the short ribs. And the mashed potatoes. And the homemade yeast rolls.  

And I don’t stress over it.

And sometimes I eat the salad. And the steamed vegetables. And the fresh fish.

Adam makes all of these things for me.

He makes them with love and if you’ve ever had the pleasure of eating his food, then you know he is a fucking awesome cook.  

But I don’t worry about it.  

I own it. I’m a middle aged, (approaching senior citizen) overweight gay man with a belly and grey hair.  

And I’m happy.

I no longer get up at 5:00 a.m. to go the gym.  

I no longer say no to dessert.

I no longer say no to the bourbon. Or the beer. Or the wine.

I bought a swim suit for Buenos Aires because for years I wouldn’t swim because I was fat.  

Fuck that. I swam almost every day.  

I also post photos of myself on line. For years I thought if I didn’t post the photo then I really wasn’t fat.

I deprived myself for long.

So.

No. I wasn’t always fat.  

Yes, I could probably afford to lose 100 pounds.  

Yes, I wish I could wear a size 32 pants again.

Yes, I wish I could wear a medium shirt again.  

But I would never want to go back to being that person.

I’m authentic now. So much more so than I ever was 25 years ago. 

What you see is really, really what you get. I don’t put on airs much any more.  

I’m sincere.

And honest.

I live my life proudly.

I did’t realize I was miserable, until I discovered real happiness.

So.

Thank you for your concern.

But I’m good.  

Trust me on this. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight around 5:30 a server comes up to let me know that table 33 is upset that we don’t list our non-alcoholic drinks on the menu.  

She explained that we have Coke products, coffee,  make an array of mocktails, and we have 1 non-alcoholic beer.  

This does not make them happy.  

They launch in to a speech about how it’s unfair that we don’t offer non-alcoholic wine.  

So many other restaurants in town offer it and we should as well.

OH.  NO.

This couple has been in three times before.  And every time they are there, they aggressively tell me how unfair it is that we don’t offer non-alcoholic wine.  

I suppose it would be nice if we did.  

Like it would be nice if we served gluten-free bread.   And impossible burgers.  And chicken parm.  And frozen strawberry daiquiris.  And American coffee.  And bearnaise sauce.  And baked potatoes.  And blackened salmon.  And deluxe cheeseburgers.  And chicken fingers.  And pasta with butter.  And our flourless chocolate cake warmed.  And ½ glasses of wine.  And Mich Ultra.  And clam chowder.  And a salad entrée.  And protein on a house salad.  And a grilled cheese.  And pulled pork.  And a Argentine dip.  And rotisserie chicken.  And only charged 29.99 for a ribeye.  And buttered filet.  And had A-1 on our tables.  And had a create your own salad, based on an ingredients list. 

I could type for the next 24 hours about the items people think should be on our menu.  

I just did a quick look and there are currently around 35 commercial real estate sites available that were formerly restaurants of some sort just in Portland.  

Do you know what that means? 

You could open up a restaurant that serves non-alcoholic wine.  And gluten free bread.  And impossible burgers.  And frozen strawberry daiquiris.  And American coffee.  And bearnaise sauce.  And baked potatoes.  And blackened salmon.  And deluxe cheeseburgers.  And chicken fingers.  And pasta with butter.  And warm flourless chocolate cake.    And ½ glasses of wine.  And Mich Ultra.  And clam chowder.  And a salad entrée.  And protein on a house salad.  And a grilled cheese.  And pulled pork.  And a beef dip sandwich.  And a rotisserie chicken.  And you can set the prices to be whatever you want them to be.  And have buttered filet.  And an assortment of condiments.  And a salad bar.  And even fucking Sunday brunch. 

You seriously could do whatever the fuck you wanted.  

But don’t go to a place of business and tell them what they should and shouldn’t have.  Even if you think you are being helpful.  

I get that you don’t drink.

But I’ve been in the restaurant business in Maine for 10 years and in that time only 2 people have asked for non-alcoholic wine.  The two of you.

And.

We don’t need a wider selection of non-alcoholic beer either.  

Why you ask?

Because we actually only serve the beer to appease like 20 people.

In the summer when we serve close to 400 people, we’ll often do about 300 dollars in beer sales.  Wine and cocktails knock it out of the water. 

We are not a beer restaurant.  We sell almost as much soda and coffee as we do beer.

So please don’t trap me at the host stand and spend 30 minutes forcing your opinion on me.  And it really was 30 minutes.  I was supposed to me in my car at 6:30 to join Adam at his work holiday party.  I got in my car at 6:55.  

Because.  

You were unrelenting. 

PS.  You could bring your own.  We offer a corkage fee.  We’ll be happing to open the bottle and pour it for you.  Especially if it’s non-alcoholic.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I have been on the floor as a manager for the past 3 weeks.  It’s been great.  I’ve actually been able to see what happens in the restaurant as opposed to being stuck at the front door hosting.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’d love to just be a host.  It’s my favorite part of my job.  But alas there is so much more to what I do.   

On Saturday night I made my way to the door around 9:00.  All our reservations were in.  We’d seated our last guests at 8:30. I was checking in with my new manager, since I’d sent the host home.  Its winter, gotta save money.  

I get to the host stand just as a foursome starts out of the dining.  

As they enter, one of the men says, I have the worst swamp ass ever.  

His female friend replies, that she didn’t need to hear that.

I say, well I guess I walked up at just the right time.

All four of them laughed.

I then said, I have Gold Bond powder in the office if you’d like some.

The man with the swamp ass almost fell on the floor laughing.  His friends laughed as well.

He finally said, he thought he could wait till he got home.

We are a full-service restaurant.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Hello, thanks for calling the restaurant, how may I help you?

Hi.  Is this Jeff?

Yes it is?  How may I help you.

Yes, I’m calling to introduce myself.  My name is Jason Smith and I know that you are friends with Adam who manages at a different restaurant and you used to work for David.  I’ve know David for years.  I’m calling because I’m going to be making a reservation in the coming weeks and I felt it was important for you to know who I am.  I live up north and I have an office in Portland, and I come down all the time and eat in Portland at all the restaurants.  I have an office in NYC and I used to go down to the city all the time, but I’m retired now, but I still have my office in NYC and Portland, because sometimes you just need to get to civilization.  My friend has been to your restaurant and has absolutely raved about it.  And he keeps telling me I need to make the trip, but because I live up north, I never get down that far, but I want to put a dinner at your restaurant on the calendar.  It’s a little far for me and my wife, but my friend has told me over and over and over and over that I definitely need to make the trip.  So I think we will make a reservation in the coming months.  Where do you suggest we sit?  I hear that you have an amazing bar.  But my friend says that the dining room is also nice.  We might come in the summer, do you have a patio?  Is is nice?  Is it hot?  Do you have mosquitos?  And what should we order?  I can’t find a menu on line but, my friend says you do steak very well?  Do you have steak?  What kind?  Do you have seafood?  My wife is more a seafood person.  I like steak if it’s good steak.  Yes, I know who you are.  Your reputation speaks for itself.  Anyone who is a friend of Adam’s has to be a good guy.  When I googled you, I saw a photo of you and Adam and a very lovely woman.  Who was that?  You were all dressed up in the society page.  You were wearing a bowtie.  How excellent.  So should I call you directly when I’m ready to make my reservation.  My name is Jason and I like to get to know people before I come to visit them.  I make these calls even when I’m dining in NYC.  I’ve been going to Portland for years and everyone knows who I am.  I couldn’t find a menu online.  Do you have a menu online?  How can I see a menu.  Did I mention that I’m retired but I still go to Portland to visit my office.  It used to be across the street and I see everyone.  Now it’s less busy downtown and I don’t see as many people.  How long did you work for David?  He’s a great guy.  Known him for years.  How long have you been at your current job?  Do you like it?  Do you know the Smiths?  I hear they come to eat there often.  Well, I need to get going.  I’m going to make a reservation next month, so now you’ll know who I am.

Thanks for chatting.

Whew.  

I am exhausted.

The actual words are different, but the gist of the conversation is absolute true.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Server edition!!!

M*RIC*N. (Spanish word for derogatory gay insult).

I’d put the little accent mark over the “o” but I don’t know how.

It translates into “FA**OT”

Which translates into me hating the word.

With a passion.

I’ve always hated the word f*g. I don’t know why.

I don’t toss it around with my friends.

“Hey f*gg*t what are you up to?”

I don’t like when they toss it around with me.

I don’t like it used at all.

Even with gay men often it is a derogatory word.

“He’s such a f*g.”

I especially don’t like it when someone who is not gay uses it.

Even joking.

I also don’t like the word M*RIC*N.

It’s derogatory.

Imagine my surprise when I’m standing in the kitchen ringing up an order on Monday night and I hear a manager say “blah, blah, blah, M*RIC*N. He was calling one of the kitchen guys a f*g.

This is not the first time I’ve heard the word in the kitchen. It is in fact not the second.

What was surprising was that it was a manager.

It pissed me off.

I went to my manager on duty and told him that if I heard the word again out of the kitchen I was going to make one hell of a stink about it. He wanted to know who said it and when I told him it was a manager he said he’d talk to him.

I said great and went back to waiting tables.

About 15 minutes later my manager comes up to me and says, “The manager says that’s not what he said. He says that it’s a miscommunication and my not knowing Spanish didn’t allow for the correct understanding of the word.”

I asked my manager if the manager would be saying the same thing if I went into the kitchen and miscommunicated the n word.

My manager said that I had a point and that the manager would be coming out to speak to me.

At this point I’m really pissed off.

I didn’t misunderstand anything. I’ve heard the word m*ric*n before. And I was not the only one there. I turned when I heard it and our lead host was in the kitchen getting something to drink.

She happens to speak Spanish. I asked her if I’d heard what I thought I’d heard. She assured me that I’d heard correctly.

After my manager told me what the manager said I went back to the wait station and started asking my Spanish speaking co-workers what the meaning of m*ric*n is. None of them knew of a different meaning. I asked them all.

Now I’m really pissed.

I’m in the wait station and the manager comes up to me and asks me if he can talk to me.

We step into the back hallway.

He says:

I don’t know what you thought you heard. But I didn’t say m*ric*n as in f*gg*t. I said m*ric*n as in “m*therf*cker”. They sound the same but if you speak Spanish then you could tell the difference.

I AM FUCKING FURIOUS NOW!!!

I told him to drop the act. I wasn’t stupid. I know what he said, and I know what it meant. I also told him, not so calmly that I’d asked every single Spanish person working if I could have misconstrued the meaning of the word and I was assured that there was no other word that sounded similar and it didn’t have another meaning.

He protested again, getting heated.

By this time we are just short of yelling at each other.

I finally say, “FINE. WE’LL HAVE A LITTLE MEETING WITH our new gay general manager AND PERHAPS YOU CAN TEACH HIM THE NUANCES OF SAYING M*THERF*CKER AND F*GG*T.

And I walked away.

I probably shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it. But it rubbed me the wrong way. And I think it’s inappropriate. Period. And as a gay man I shouldn’t have to deal with people throwing the word around as some sort of insult, especially at work.

I didn’t talk to the GM. I went to work and acted as nothing had happened. The manager was there and I worked with him. He didn’t mention it either.

I realized tonight what pissed me off most about the manager’s response.

He thought I wasn’t smart enough to know that he was lying. I may be a “m*ric*n” but I’m not stupid.

And

It’s never alright to call someone a f*gg*t or m*ric*n.

Gay or straight.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

A woman called at 3:00 asking about the bar. She was told that reservations aren’t required but are highly recommended as we can’t guarantee availability as we do take reservations at the bar.  

She makes the reservation, without being able to tell us if she’ll be 1 or 2 people.  

We make the reservation for 2.  

2 guests at the bar at 6:00.  

At 5:45 the phone rings and it’s her saying that she wants to push the reservation to 6:30. I make the change.  

She arrives at 6:45.

She walks in and takes one look at the bar and says, well I guess it’s a good thing you made me make a reservation. The bar is empty.

I assure her that this time of the year there is no rhyme or reason. If she’d come last night it would have been full.

She tells us that she’ll only be 1 and gets seated at seat 10.  

She was cranky, but not terribly so and I don’t think more about it.  

Fast forward to 8:00.  

I’ve had dinner with Chef at the chef’s table and I get up to go to the restroom and get my computer to do some work.

I return and the woman from the bar is seated at the chef’s table.  

I drop off my computer and go to the wait station. I’m not going to interrupt whatever is going on.  

I watch the conversation from 30 feet away or so. She is animated. I can’t tell if she is mad or flirting. Both things happen with Chef often.  

After about 15 minutes, I text him to see if he needs help or rescuing.  

I see him check his watch, chuckle, but doesn’t indicate he needs saving.  

Finally she leaves.  

I take my seat and he fills me in on what happened.  

She was upset that we don’t allow walk ins at the bar. She lives up the street and thinks it’s silly that she and her friends can’t just stop by for a cocktail. She doesn’t understand why we take reservations at the bar.  

He explains. We’ve learned that if we take reservations, most people at the bar dine with us. So instead of having 2 $14 dollar cocktails, they order 2 cowboy cut ribeyes and their check is $200. He continues, that with people spending that kind of money they don’t want people reaching over them to get a cocktail. And if we allow them to stand along the rail, the staff can’t get through, which isn’t good either.

She’s having none of this.  

I get it.  

I get yelled at 1,000 times during the summer, because I tell people they can’t get a cocktail while they wait. No. You can’t get one and stand over there. You can’t get one and stand over here. You are going to be seated in 5 minutes and you’ll be fine.

He graciously changes the subject and explains the pub at our new restaurant will be walk in only.  

This changes her tune.

And she quickly changes her tactics.  

I won’t go into all the details of what was said next, but she left after giving Chef her number, her address and telling him that her husband works out of town if he ever wants to stop by for a drink.

Go Chef.

However, he’s not new to this and it’s a small town and he knows better than to mix business with pleasure.  

I can assure you he no longer has the piece of paper she wrote on.  

However, he was flattered. She was attractive. With a rock the size of Texas on her hand.  

This business is never boring. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I got a very interesting email tonight at work.

I’ll get to that in a moment. 

Adam and I dine out a fair amount in town.  I wouldn’t say a lot because we most often save dining out for when we are out of town.  And.  Our schedules don’t give us a lot of time together and we like to enjoy the home we are paying for, so we usually stay home and Adam cooks.  

That being said, we do eat out occasionally.  

When we do eat out, we go about reservations the normal route and book them online.  

Occasionally, we will reach out to the manager, if it’s truly someone we actually know and have a relationship with.  This rarely happens.  In fact, we both go out of our way to NOT do that.    

The point I’m making is NEITHER of us would ever dream of calling up a local restaurant and saying Hi, I’m Jeff, I’m the manager of Applebee’s and I’d like a reservation on Saturday night.  

We would never, ever, ever, ever do this.  

EVER.

Now back to the email.

Someone emailed me tonight for a reservation on Saturday for a party of 12.  At 7:00.  Then dropped the detail, that they are a manager for a local restaurant, making it seem that somehow this would be some magical reason to make this work.

If you email me, you get the same response as everyone.  EVEN Chef’s friends follow my guidelines for a party over 8.  I set the price.  I set the time.  They adhere to the rules.  In fact this past Friday night, we hosted a party of 26 for friend of Chef’s and I set the price and I set the time.    

I’d be happy to help you.  NOT because you are in the business, but because I want to help everyone.  

I’m amazed at how many people think I just say no to say no.  

But what about this table?  Or that table?  Or this area?  Or that area?

My whole job is based around making decisions that increase the revenue of the business.  I’m never going to say no to someone when saying yes brings us increased business.

So tomorrow, I’ll cut and paste the same email I send to everyone, offering times that work for us.  And a pre-fixe menu that we require of everyone.  

And I truly hope they book.  I really do.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

By a show of hands, how many of you picked Saturday, January 21, 2023 as the day I’d get yelled at for the first time this year.

Congrats.  You are all winners, baby!!!

End of the first turn. 

A server comes to me and lets me know that table 13 doesn’t have their gift card with them and isn’t taking a no on not being able use it anyway.

I go to the table and before I even say hello, the lady in the middle is at an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10.  She’s having no part of anything I say. 

This is ridiculous.  This is unacceptable.  This is outrageous.  This is ______________.  

I apologize, but let her know that if she emails me a receipt I can look it up for her later tonight or tomorrow.  

This sets her off, and she’s off to the races again.  

I’ve told Adam a couple of times now, that I need a full-time person just to research and find missing gift cards.  No lie, it’s three or four a day.  

We threw it away with the Xmas wrapping paper.  

I entered the phone number wrong.

My phone died and I can no longer access it.

I used an old email address. 

It’s on my kitchen table, can you just look it up for me.  

This is at 7:00 tonight.  There is a line of people in the lobby waiting to be seated. 

I apologize and say to her that I’m sorry that I can’t help tonight.

She finally dismisses me. 

The man sitting to her left, is loudly apologizing for her and has begun to find the whole experience funny.  

He hands me a credit card and says it’s not that big of a deal, all the while SHE keeps yelling at me.

The server processes the credit card and I go the to the lobby.

I always wait in the lobby, so it’s me who gets yelled at and not the host.

She’s of course fired up when she leaves and says, I hope that when you find the gift card tomorrow you are going to refund my money.

I explain that unfortunately that’s not an option.  Once the check is closed, and it has to be closed today, there is no way to change the payment.

She loses it again and storms out.

Meanwhile, her companion lags behind, apologizes again, and wants to know how to get the number and that they’ll just use it next time

I explain the process, say thank you for his being so nice and he shakes my hand and leave.  

Yes.  Saturday, January 21, 2023

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Hi, how are you tonight?  May I get you something to drink to start?

For me.  Wanna beer.  

Translated, this meant, I’ll take one beer.  

I had a version of this conversation 40 or 50 times a night when I was working in NYC.  

I’m not exaggerating. 

There were days at a time when I didn’t speak to a single guest who spoke English as first language.

I learned early on, that if I didn’t just give the guest a Budweiser, I was much more likely to get a tip.  Maybe not a 20% tip, but any tip is better than no tip.  

So, I began offering our entire beer list to any guest who wanted a beer.

Bud, Bud Light, Stella, Heineken, Guinness, Sam Adams, Shocktop, New Castle…

Most of the time the guest ordered Budweiser.  But not always.  

I also learned that 98% of the rest of the world speaks a little English.  Enough to order a cheeseburger and nachos.  If you speak slowly to them and take your time, they could order the food they wanted and not feel taken advantage of.  (Remind me to tell you about this restaurant’s policies in the 1990’s).  

Most of my old co-workers probably don’t know this, but I gave several 45-minute coaching sessions to new employees on how to make money from every guest, not just the ones from Nebraska.  I put together handouts and everything.  This was in late April, early May and I left a few weeks later, so I don’t know if they worked.  

This was brought to memory when the week before Xmas I heard someone say, for me wanna beer, at my restaurant.  I was immediately transported to Times Square, waiting tables.  

The whole reason for the post is that at one restaurant in Buenos Aires I said, For me.  Wanna beer.  

I have no idea why.  I was embarrassed as soon as it came out of my mouth.  But out it came.  

I ended up with a Giant Stella on my table.  Served with nuts, because apparently, in Argentina beer is always served with nuts. 

Adam laughed at me and asked why I said it like that.  I couldn’t answer.  It didn’t happen again.

As I said, I was embarrassed.  

But as I said, over and over again in Buenos Aires as I did or said something stupid.  I’ll never see these folks again, so don’t worry about it.  

Meanwhile, if you still work at my restaurant in NYC, don’t just give them a Budweiser.  Offer them the list.  You’ll make more money.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I’ve been exhausted the last few nights when I got home.  

Actually, it was all day as well.

I woke up tired and came home tired. To the point that I was starting to wonder if I had mono or some other thing going on.  

Last night I slept like crap, but woke up feeling great.  

And I felt normal when I got home from work.  

This is why I haven’t posted in a few days.  

I have phone calls out to four different doctors to see who can get me in first about my knee.

I’ll keep you posted.

Yesterday, my new AGM started. He came back to 
day. Keep your fingers crossed that it sticks.  

I haven’t been yelled at in 7 days. Keep your fingers crossed that that sticks.  

As for tonight.  

We got this survey result tonight.  

“Should not have to make a res for bar. 1st come, 1st serve. Burger was very good and drinks were excellent. Dinner prices for steak too high for Maine, maybe ok for Boston or Miami or NY, but actually paid less in Miami and Boston, and I’m talking Morton’s and Ruth’s Chris. Same for app prices and you need soup and protein choice on salad.”

I’m going to assume that this dude is a restauranteur, or perhaps a chef, or perhaps a busboy, since he knows so much about the restaurant business.  

Oh, wait. He’s none of these things. I know because our reservation system has a Google guest feature and he is not in our business.  

He reminds me of a restaurant owner I once worked for who said he knew how to run a restaurant because he ate in restaurants a couple of times a week.  

I always wanted to reply, I get my teeth cleaned but I don’t know shit about dentistry.  

Meanwhile, this guy is from our area but he doesn’t work in the business. He does work in an industry that can support our prices though.  

As for taking reservations at the bar. I don’t come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth to quote Kathie Griffin.  

You do your job, we’ll do ours. Our entire approach to business is to make your experience as great as possible. It is better because we take reservations at the bar.

Fun fact: Restaurant prices aren’t determined by the area of the country you live in.  

It is possible that the area of the country will dictate if the concept will work, but that’s not how prices are determined.  

You must evaluate whether your concept can be supported by where you live. Chances are, if there aren’t a lot of upper middle to middle class people living in your area, then a steak house would be a bad idea. But that’s no different than trying to open a restaurant that only serves pork and shellfish in a Jewish neighborhood. The concept just won’t work.

However, once you determine that the area can support your concept, ie a steakhouse, the prices are determined by cost associated with doing business. The cost of your product, mortgage, labor and utilities.  

Maine, especially southern Maine, can support our concept.  

And in case you haven’t noticed, the groceries are just too damn high. 

We are paying more for steak, thus you are paying more for steak.  

As for our prices compared to Morton’s or Ruth Chris’…

These are not great steak houses. They are steakhouses, but that’s about as close to being comparable to us as it gets.  

Adam and I ate at Ruth Chris’ in NYC last October.  

I’d never eaten there.  

Our consensus, after eating there was that it was the Red Lobster of steakhouses. It was fine for what it was.  

They are as corporate as corporate gets.  

They spent more time telling us about how hot the skillet would be that the steak would be served on, than about the actual product on the skillet.  

Also, I’d be curious to know how you compared our prices to their prices, when you ordered a burger tonight and they don’t have a burger on their regular menu.  

As for their steaks, they all cost more than ours and the sides are extra. Ours all come with a side and trust me when I say, it will be the best steak you’ve ever eaten and I stand by that 100%.  

You will also find that our servers aren’t reciting dialogue from the training manual.

Hi, welcome to Ruth Chris. My name is Jeff and I’ll be serving you today. Have you dined with us before. Great let me tell you about our menu. Our steaks are grilled in an oven that is 9 million degrees and then served on a skillet that is brought to your table at 15 million degrees. The steaks are served ala carte and we suggest you order 1 to 2 side items to share. May I start you off with a cold beverage from the bar perhaps a Palm Beacher or a glass of our featured wine of the week, Berringer White Zinfandel? And would you like to put in an appetizer while you are waiting? Perhaps the stuffed mushroom or the barbecue shrimp.  

Seriously, this was our greeting at Ruth Chris.  

And I’d like to point out that if your Manhattan is 7.50 you are using Barton plastic bottles of bourbon in your well, especially if you are in Boston.  

App prices are similar but I assure you no restaurant in Maine is serving you barbecue shrimp.  

And if you want to write a menu with soup and salad with proteins on it, there are about 16 restaurants for sale on a single block in Portland. With a good business plan and your salary from your white collar job you are sure to get a loan.  

This drives me fucking crazy.

Almost as much as the people on Next Door who bash restaurants that are expensive.  

Not everyone’s budget is the same. Not everyone enjoys spending money on food.  

Not everyone enjoyed spending money the same period.  

Just because you don’t have the money to eat out at expensive restaurants or choose not to, doesn’t mean other shouldn’t.  

I drive a 14-year old car with manual locks and windows. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think you should be able to drive a new Corvette that cost a more than some peoples home. They looked hot on TV this week. And they are hybrid gas and electric and also the fastest Corvette ever built. I liked the bright blue one on NBC news tonight, if anyone wants to buy me a new car next year.  

I feel the same about clothes. I’ve never really been about designer clothes or accessories. However, I have many friends with multiple Coach bags, or designer shoes, or a name brand wallets.  

But don’t begrudge me, because I will spend more on dining out this month than you spend on your $104,000 car payment.  

Our priorities are different.  

I like good food and drink. I like the experience. I like the social aspect of it. And it’s important to me.  

Our restaurant is not for everyone. That’s okay. We know that. We speak to that. We don’t need to be.  

We are a niche market, and the people who love us LOVE us.  

So, if you need a steak covered in butter and sizzling on a platter with a supply of bearnaise sauce, then Ruth Chris is for you.

If you want a steak cooked on an open fire, with no accoutrement needed, that tastes better than any steak you’ve ever had, then we are the restaurant for you.  

And don’t be surprised if the service in our little Maine town, is FAR better than the service at your big city Red Lobster corporate steakhouse.  

And our staff won’t be wearing name tags but trust me, you’ll remember every single one of their names, because they are the best of the best.