I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This is a public service announcement.

Unless you are at a salad restaurant in NYC.

Unless you are at chipotle.

Unless you are at Burger King.

The menu is not a list of ingredients for you to pick and choose from.

It’s happened a lot but tonight a table ordered a plate of thinly sliced tomatoes, with fresh herbs, an Italian vinaigrette, kosher salt, and avocado.

The server came to ask what they should say.

I said, ask them show you on the menu what item they were ordering.

They asked if I was serious.

I said no.

But do tell them we can’t accommodate the request.

Often, if they are ballsy enough to order Ike this they’ll ask why not, as you have all the ingredients.

Our restaurant services 160 seats.

If we say yes to you, then we have to say yes to the other 159 people.

If we said yes to 159 people you’d get your food in about 90 minutes. Because every ticket has things we don’t have readily available in a station ready to use.

The same is true at the bar.

Don’t order a drink with fresh cucumbers or jalapeño unless it’s on the menu. Someone has to go fetch the items, cut the items and make the drink.

Now 159 other people are waiting for their drinks they ordered 6 hours ago.

Order off the menu.

They way it comes.

And at most ask to leave out an item.

But don’t build your own menu unless the menu says build your own burger, salad, burrito.