I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight at work something happened that has caused me much anxiety.

I’m still not sure I’m over it.

But here goes.

At 7:15 a four top comes in.

We’ve just sat all of our 7:00’s.

And we only have three servers instead of the four we need.

I say to the foursome that it will be closer to 7:30 before we can get them seated.

Anyone want to guess what happened next.

You are right.

They asked to sit at the bar.

I explain we take reservations at the bar.

They ask to sit in the oyster bar.

I say we have no one to service the tables.

I let them know they can go downstairs.

But they keep on.

Why can’t we sit here.

Why can’t we sit there.

And.

It’s the fourth time this has played out tonight.

I’m sure they can hear my frustration because the man says I’m not trying to be difficult.

And I said, without thinking, but you are.

He was taken aback.

And they went downstairs.

And.

I felt like I should know who they were.

But for the life of me I couldn’t place them.

They return.

Get seated for dinner.

Eat.

And on their way out I ask them how dinner was.

And the man rubbed his temple giving me the finger.

I go out and ask how dinner was again.

They are all looking at me.

When they walk away they all say good night Jeff.

I’m convinced I’m supposed to know who they were.

But I don’t know them.

And don’t recognize the name.

It bothered me all night.

I even told Adam when I got home I felt like I was losing my mind.

I even suggested it was early onset Alzheimer’s.

He laughed at me and assured me I was fine.

However, he was getting into the shower and I went down a rabbit hole.

And I finally googled bad with faces.

And turns out there is a thing called:

Prosopagnosia.

Face blindness.

Adam assured me I didn’t have this.

Alzheimer’s he was right about.

This not so much.

I’ve always been bad with faces.

And I’ve always said it was when they are out of context.

I’ve had trouble all summer knowing who people were.

And I explain it to people by saying they are out of context.

When I lived in NYC I never knew where I knew someone from?

Was it someone from work?

Someone I waited on?

Someone I slept with.

No idea.

You could pull 20 random people out of my Facebook friends and chances are I’d know 25% of them. But some I’d have no idea.

I interviewed a woman this summer who I hired and trained last year.

Hired her.

Had no idea she worked last year.

I had the hardest time watching game of thrones because everyone looked alike.

It takes meeting Adam’s employees dozens of times before I can remember them.

At work I do okay because I have names in front of me. But I have to meet them many many times before I remember them. Plus I put notes in their reservation to remind me who they are.

Then take them out of context and it’s all bets off.

I’ve gone out with the same guy twice not remembering we’d already had a date.

Until I remember he’s a dude.

Fun fact I didn’t share with Adam tonight.

When I got to the restaurant for our first date I couldn’t remember what he looked like.

I just knew he had a mohawk.

He was cute and handsome as I remembered but I’d never have picked him out of a lineup.

I truly believe I face blindness.

And always have.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At the new restaurant we offer valet parking.

Well.

To park in our lot you have to valet.

The reason is simple.

To have enough parking for all of our guests we have to control the lot.

We also have to double stack cars.

So we require you to valet to park there.

However.

We don’t require you to valet to dine with us.

There are other areas to park.

The street.

The parking on the pier.

You’d think based on response that we were charging you a million dollars to park there.

Last week we had a woman lose her mind and refuse to give the valet her keys.

He and I both are pretty sure it was because of the color of his skin.

It was a late model Subaru.

On Saturday a family comes in outraged that they have to valet. They’ve been coming for years and never had to valet before.

And the valet is rude because he wouldn’t just let them park their own car.

Tonight a woman comes in furious that she had to valet.

She says we are trying to make the restaurant fancy.

She is the angriest of all.

She’s been coming to this restaurant for years.

She says it 12 times.

I finally say we e only been open 7 weeks so that can’t be true.

She then proceeds to tell me in the past you just checked in with the kid in the booth.

I explain we are managing the kit to keep people from parking there who aren’t dining with us and to maximize parking.

She’s having none of it.

When she’s was sharing her outrage with the baker her responded the only constant is change and that was the rudest thing ever.

She won’t stop.

Finally she’s led to her table.

3 minutes later she is back.

She and her family announce they don’t like the vibe of the restaurant.

I ask her to explain.

She says the valet.

Then they were taken to table and asked to move and was told no. Even though the restaurant is empty.

(She wasn’t told no. She was told the server had to check with the host).

She goes on and on.

She says over and over the old restaurant was better. The it was not like this before.

Finally she says that they had a better attitude.

I respond they also had rats.

She looks at me and says did you really just say that.

I reply.

I’m serious. The walls were full of them.

We discovered this during the renovation.

She huffed out.

I still don’t know why someone who drives a Subaru won’t valet.

Meanwhile he parks Maseratis, Porsches, even a Lamborghini.

But not a Subaru.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

So I’m at the door tonight at 6:30 when a woman approaches the host stand.

I say hello and she asks if we have any tables available for tonight.

I say yes, for how many?

She says 8.

I explain that I won’t have a table for 8.

She asks about tomorrow night or Wednesday night.

I say I know we don’t as I went through this last night with someone on the phone.

As soon as I say this I realize the woman from last night is standing in front of me.

She is worse in person.

Can we make two reservations.

No.

Can we pull tables together.

No.

She moved around the corner looks at the dining room and says but there are so many open tables.

Yes we have reservations.

But I don’t understand why you can’t accommodate us.

I’m getting pissy by this time.

She is getting rude.

She tells me that it seems to her that we don’t want her business. She goes on to say that this is bad business.

I try to explain how this works. I’m becoming less patient.

She is becoming ruder.

She will not take no for an answer.

She raises her voice. Telling me that I’m being rude and I accommodating and this is no way to treat a local.

During the exchange that’s been going on for 6 or 7 minutes I noticed a woman and her son standing a few feet away.

I thought they were her.

I keep looking at them as they look at her.

Except as the woman raises her voice the other woman says:

Stop being rude. I’ve known Jeff for years. He’s never been anything less tha ln kind, and caring and amazing. Stop it.

She tells her that she’s not being rude.

She pushes back and says yes you are.

This goes on and on.

At one point angry lady addresses the other woman’s son and says I’m sorry you are having to see this.

The complainer turns back to me and says I worked I. Hospitality for years. Restaurants and hotels.

I interrupt and say if you’d ever worked in hospitality you’d never treat me like this.

She continues to be aggressive. Abusive.

Meanwhile another woman has walked in.

Finally angry woman leaves.

The woman who walked in says hi I take it you don’t have an available table.

I say for you I have a table.

They end up sitting at the bar and are apologetic for the other woman, give me a tip and make reservations for tomorrow night at our other restaurant.

After they are seated I talk to my defender.

I realized I do know her. She is lovely.

We talk. She says she doesn’t know how we do it. She tells me she almost lost her temper when she addressed her son.

We catch up.

Finally we hug and say goodbye.

I tell her before she leaves that I’m grateful that she was there and Keegan’s she’d like a job defending me on weekends.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

The host tells me tonight there is a woman looking for an 8 top reservation for tomorrow night and isn’t taking no for an answer and she wants to speak to the manager.

I take the phone.

Hi it’s Jeff how can I help you.

She explains that she is a local. Her family is in from out of town she needs a reservation for 8 people.

For tomorrow.

I look. We have nothing.

She’s not having it. Can you pull two tables together?

I’m sorry we don’t do that.

Why not.

Can we get two four top reservations?

No you can’t.

Why not.

This goes on.

She asks for Monday.

Same answer.

I explain we only have one table for a party of 8.

She asks for Wednesday.

I explain we already have a 4:30 and a 8:00.

She gets mad. I thought you said you only have one table for 8.

Yes that’s true.

But you just said you have two reservations.

Yes. At 4:30 and 8:00.

So you do have two tables.

No. Two reservations. One table.

This makes her angrier.

She asks why we don’t have tables.

I explain that it’s august in a tourist town.

She explodes and says I’ve lived here for 50 years and I think then you should know better.

She tries a few more tricks then hangs up angry.

Ugh.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Wow.

I never knew being out of wine was such a disaster.

Tonight a man lost his mind because we were out of Cabernet.

Insisted we open a bottle pour to give him a glass.

The server said no.

He said it was inexcusable.

He was an ass when he left.

His girlfriend was sweetly apologetic for his behavior.

I’ll never understand this type of discordant relationship.

Discordant attractiveness I get.

Discordant financially I get.

Discordant educationally I get.

But if Adam was a dick to a server there would have never been a second date.

There is just no excuse.

No.

Excuse.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight was near perfect.

Staff was on point.

Guests were all happy.

Except one I won’t waste my time with.

Everyday should be like this.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was asked by a man tonight if I was the General Manager.

I said yes.

He says I’d like to speak to you at my table.

I approach the 4-top introduce myself and ask how I can help.

I’m immediately told they are locals. They live down the street.

I’ve never seen them before.

The man who approached me proceeds yo say that they are not impressed with their meals.

Another person says that we should be concerned that their locals because their food is inedible.

I ask exactly what the problem is.

I’m told the paella is burnt they had to scrape the rice off the bottom of the pan.

I try and explain this is how it is supposed to be served.

One of them throws their arms in the air and says we’ve eaten paella before. We know how it’s supposed to be cooked. Clearly you have no interest in what we have to say.

I sure them I am interested but I don’t understand how food we serve all night using the same method turns out four plates of inedible food.

Someone says don’t want anything for free. But as locals we think you should know.

I thank them for letting me know. That I’ll discuss it with the chef at the end of the night.

They don’t want me to do anything for them but as locals I should know how disappointed they are with the experience.

I apologize again that they are unhappy.

I’m told a few more times how unhappy they are as locals.

I excuse myself from the table.

30 or so minutes later they leave.

They all exit with out speaking to me.

A minute later a woman appears and says.

We live here. We are locals. And I just have tell you how disappointed we are with our experience tonight.

I say I’m sorry.

She continues.

As year round locals we e read the reviews. Your score on trip advisor is 3.6. That’s not good. And clearly they are right. The food is not good. And you should be ashamed serving it to year round locals. That live down the street.

I say to her again that I’m sorry. That we are new. I’ll take her comments to the chef after the shift.

She tells me she is local again.

I’m getting frustrated and finally say exactly what does where you live have to do with anything. We treat all our guests the same. Whether you live next door or in Alaska.

Well it will matter in the winter. And you’ll be missing the locals when they only eat here once. Like us. I assure you they won’t come back.

Ma’m I assure you the dining room is filled with people I know right now. And many of them have eaten here multiple times. And they have never complained. Also I’d understand if one persons meal was un satisfactory but for all of your meals to bed I don’t know to speak to that. We serve 100’s of halibuts. 100’s of scallops. We’ve never had complaints so I don’t know how we managed to prepare all of your meals poorly.

I want you to know that o know the owner and I will speak to him personally. We are locals and you care whether we come back. Especially if we live down the street.

A man and his wife have been in the lobby taking turns in the restroom. They exit. Then he pops his head back in and says just for the record our meals were great.

She reminds me again that the locals won’t dine here twice. Just as a woman opens the door and walks in. I recognize her from Sunday. I say hi Laura it’s so nice to see you again. I hope you’ve enjoyed your week so far.

She replies, Sunday night was so special I had to come back.

The local leaves.

And I get Laura, one person, seated at the best table in the restaurant.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I learned something this week.

Something I never knew before.

Seems that running out of Chardonnay by the glass is an affront to god.

Not quite as bad as being a serial killer but much worse than stealing from orphans.

Our wine order this week was a disaster.

Not anyone’s fault.

Just growing pains as we figure out systems.

We were out of Chardonnay by end of night Friday.

Liquor we can get everyday but Sunday. And if I’m desperate I can get it on Sunday.

Wine is a little trickier.

Needless to say we were out of Chardonnay, Pinot noir, and Beaujolais.

Most people were understanding.

Except for a guy who left a review on Sunday angry that we were out of Chardonnay on Sunday at 5:00 and they were early.

Then.

Tonight.

I’m at the door when a couple from the bar leaves.

I thank them for coming in and ask how their experience was.

My mistake.

I’m told that that are being forced to leave because we don’t have Chardonnay. His wife only drinks Chardonnay and they can’t stay.

I ask for clarification and he says it’s inexcusable that we don’t have Chardonnay by the glass.

I tell him we do but we are out of it.

He says then you don’t have it.

Inexcusable.

I say we normally have it.

But you don’t tonight. Inexcusable.

I try to explain we are new…

He interrupts to say it’s a failure in our part. And that I should be making it up to them. I’m not handling it very well. And good luck with this restaurant you are going to need it.

I’m done.

I say I’m not handling it well because you aren’t being nice about it. It just a glass of wine.

And we won’t be back.

I’m sure we’ll be just fine with out you.

He continues complaining while waiting for his car.

And so yes.

An affront to god.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Fun fact.

We are a restaurant with a view.

This translates to:

unless you are the king of England.

A friend of Chef’s.

A friend on mine!

Or.

Done with us weekly I can not and will not hold a window seat for you.

This weeks reviews yell at me about their lack of window seats.

They brought friends from Chicago.

Oh the horror.

Have they never seen water.

A boat.

A sunset.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Today started as every day starts.

I snoozed my alarm one too many time.

Got to work at 12:30.

But I was in a great mood.

It’s my Friday after all.

Afternoon is uneventful.

Then a server calls out.

It’s not COVID but she feels like shit.

I text to see if anyone can work.

Then chef calls and says there was a problem last night.

I have to make a tough decision.

It’s now 4:00.

We have two bartenders for the first time in weeks.

And.

Two servers.

First turn is east.

Second turn will be busy but not crazy.

I got TLF and execute my decision.

I go back to UM and the shift starts.

All is well until 7:15.

A food runner alerts me that something is up with a server.

I ask him if he’s okay.

He tells me he doesn’t know.

We start seating the 7:30.

This will be the busiest part of the night.

We get a couple of tables sat.

We double seat said server.

He is struggling.

We seat a 4 top at table 32.

They want to move to a table facing the water in the same servers section.

I have the host tell them we can move them but they’ll have to wait about ten minutes.

This makes them cranky.

30 seconds later they have sat themselves at the bar.

It’s a 16 seat bar.

14 seats are open.

They are sitting at the only seats that are dirty.

I approach and explain they can’t sit there.

No you can’t get a drink while you wait.

They are really grumpy now. It’s 7:40. They are seated.

The serving is losing it.

I tell him to get his orders in.

He’s struggling even to do that.

He is ill.

I transfer all his checks to the bar.

Have him do his cash out.

He leaves.

I have 1 server left.

A bartender who is training behind the bar.

Another bartender who is waiting tables.

I’ve sat 7 tables. For two people.

And the server had 4 active tables when he left.

I do what I do.

I went in to boss mode.

I started directing traffic.

Except.

The two people I had on the floor were stressing now.

Fun fact.

Don’t stress it makes it worse.

Fun fact: There is a differing train of thought on managers helping.

I’ve worked with managers who are hands on. Bussing tables. Running drinks. Opening wine.

I come from the school of thought that says if you are doing those things you aren’t staffed appropriately and you can’t see the big picture because YOU are focusing on the little stuff.

Why am I bussing a table when a food runner can do it.

Why am I opening wine if a server is standing in the wait station twiddling their thumbs.

So I tend to be an air traffic controller.

I see what needs to happen and direct someone to it.

But.

I have no one tonight.

So I reached way back to basics and waited tables.

I greet table 33.

Complimentary sparkling or flat water?

I’m back in 60 seconds.

I hear manager Jeff saying special while you water.

Tonight’s fish is. Oyster selection room is. We have a shrimp cocktail appetizer for 24 dollars. And for dessert we have a chocolate soufflé tgat takes a few minutes so if you want it let me know early.

What can I get you to drink.

They order. Fuck. A bottle of wine.

I stop at table 32.

Repeat the spiel.

Then I make my rounds.

Check in table 25.

They need drinks. And a cream spinach.

Check on 55.

They are friends celebrating their 58 wedding anniversary.

They are perfect.

Check on table 54.

Their appetizers arrive while I chatting with them.

Check on 42.

They are also good.

At every table I explain the problem.

Server left sick.

I’ll be taking over.

I get to the bar and pick up drinks.

Back in the day my drinks always got made first because I tipped the most.

Turns out when you are the manager the same happens.

I get the wine to table 33.

Thankful it’s a twist off.

But they got proper service.

I tell them I’m waiting tables for for the first time in 15 years.

I say the same about the wine.

They ask what my role is.

I say I was the GM but now I’m a server and that I’m got a pay raise about 30 minutes ago.

I go over the menu.

Finally orders are in.

I realize tables are finishing apps.

I go to the kitchen I direct food runners to clear apps. Wipe tables. Re silver the guests.

About this time the host lets me know that table 43 left.

They were the angry table that were angry and moved to the servers section.

They’d been waited on. But drinks were taking a moment.

Finally.

Orders are in.

Entrees are fired.

I touch every table in the restaurant wanting to make sure tonight was not ordinary.

I get to table 23. Ready to deliver my spiel.

They are having none of it.

They explain that service does not match the price point.

I say your right.

A server called out. Sick. We didn’t want her working I’ll. Another server has left sick.

We are doing the best we can.

They continue.

We were in downstairs last week and it was so much better.

I respond, if you’d come here last week it would have been better.

I don’t apologize.

But I try to explain.

They are interested.

I find out later they were kissed because we don’t do bread service.

Tables are getting entrees.

I’m checking in.

I need ice for a table.

Lemon for another.

A man doesn’t like his paella.

I comp a soufflés for a table that waited a bit for drinks.

I check in with most everyone again.

Most tables are teasing me.

I’m asked if they have to tip since I’m on salary.

I joke and say only if the service is bad.

All but table 23 and 43 leave happy.

It’s 9:00.

I sit down.

The one thing I didn’t mention was my knee.

It was hurting.

But the adrenaline pushed me through it.

In the 90 minutes since the server left. I’ve been moving.

In and out of the kitchen directing food runners. To the bar. The the tables.

I was moving way faster than my team in the floor who are years younger.

I maintained my tables better.

I maintained their tables better.

Don’t tell Jeff the manager I didn’t use a tray all night.

Finally I sit.

My knee is throbbing.

People begin to leave.

Everyone is so nice.

So complimentary.

I thank them all for their patience.

By 9:30.

Everyone is gone.

We all breathe.

I had so much more fun than the rest of my staff.

They are going to pool tips tonight since everyone was helping.

I made at least 20% on all of my tables.

But I can’t keep tips.

I texted chef and told him about the night.

The chef at the new restaurant was there talking to him and had told him I still had the moves.

Truth be told.

I wasn’t panicked.

I was calm.

It was about 40% as busy when I used to wait tables.

And I had fun.

Does anyone want to hear about the who fish?

It’s Branzino. Head off. Boneless. Butterflied.

When I was asked how much I said, $4752. I’m working for tips tonight. Got to make the money.

But for you.

47 dollars.

They laughed.

They’ll be hack.

PS. Not proofing this.