I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Oh, oh, so much to write about tonight.

I got home with my list in my pocket tonight.  

There are 13 things, that are on that list I could share with you.  

Plus 2 things that I didn’t write down that could make the list.

I sat down to study the list and decide and I discover a note that I don’t remember writing, but surely it had to be me. Who in the world could have written something on my list other than me?

The note said Jeff “hearts” Jennifer.

I must have blacked out for a moment because for the life of me I don’t remember writing said note.  

It’s true of course.  

I just don’t remember writing it.  

I’ll save this note along with the one that says, “Brooke is the best.”  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was going to leave it at one post tonight, but I checked our survey report just before I started writing.  

One person tonight gave us a 70%.

His comment:

The drinks were heavy on the pour.  Not always a bad thing but more booze doesn’t always mean it’s better. 

Hmmm.

So, I log into our POS, and look up his check.  

Was his rum and coke too rummy?

I find the server, find the check.

Table 23.  

4-top.

6:45.  Seated 15 minutes early. 

Their order?  

A drink called “The Way Life Should Be.”

Ahhh.  

It’s a drink, that a million other restaurants in the area serve a version of.  

And what is this drink?

A blueberry.

Fucking.

Martini.

A fucking martini was too boozy.  

Seriously.

It’s 90% vodka.

VODKA.

Of course, it’s heavy on the liquor.  

It’s a fucking martini. 

Fun fact:  At least 10 times in my life while serving I had someone ask if they could get a virgin martini.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I left my list of tonight’s occurrences on my desk at work tonight.  

On my drive home, I tried to remember the best of them.  

Unfortunately, only one of them was anywhere near my memory.

I had fun at work tonight. It was a bit stressful as NO ONE wanted to sit in their pre-determined seat when they arrived in the first 20 minutes of the evening.  

Table 12 moved three times before they landed back at table 12.  

Table 31 wanted to move one table because it was by the door and therefore it was “cold.”  

Fun fact that door is never opened, and no air comes through it.  

It was cold because it was 76 in the dining room tonight and we turned on the air conditioning as service was starting.  

A server was helping me host tonight, and he watched me seamlessly move parties from table to table.  

To move Table 31, took 6 moves.  

Why you ask?

Because you can’t move just the reservation, I’m referring to, but every other reservation on the table as the next party time is based on a guess as to how long a table will be there.

So, all of table 31’s reservation had to be moved to table 32, and table 32’s reservations had to be moved to table 31

And you have to do it immediately, because I learned the hard way that a move two minutes late, can open up a reservation online, and the next thing you know you have a reservation with nowhere to put it.  

Once we got into the evening, things calmed down. 

But.  

Tables weren’t turning for the 7:00 push.

At 7:00, we had 15/20 people in the lobby.

I was joking and having fun.

A woman walks in and says they are here for their 7:30 reservation. It’s 6:55.  

I mark them as arrived, and let them know that it will be most likely be closer to the 7:30 before I can get them seated.

Her husband asked if it being his birthday would help any.

I jokingly, said unfortunately not tonight.

He laughed.

I laughed.

His wife looked at me and said, you have a very nice smile.

I smiled bigger and thanked her and said I try.

At which point the husband said, I think it’s just okay.  

I reply that with that response, I’d be happy to upgrade his table to a candle lit 2-top by the dumpster.  

The wife thought it was very funny, and told him if he kept it up he’d be out there by himself.  

It was a very sweet, very nice conversation.

At this point I have 7 tables that have arrived and are waiting.

By 7:05, everyone is seated, except for the 7:30 party at the bar.  

I realize I have a spot for them and 30 seconds later they are being led to their love table by the dumpster.  

They were equally sweet on their way out and I wished him happy birthday.  

Almost everyone was this nice tonight. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I sat down to eat dinner at midnight and put the TV on The Hallmark channel to watch The Golden Girls. But alas it’s Christmas movies all the time. I was going to eat. Move to my computer. Write a post. Go to bed.

It’s 1:48.

I can’t get off the couch until Candace Cameron Bure dumps the rich boyfriend and kisses the regular guy.

PS. I’ve seen this movie more times than I’ve seen The Wizard of Oz. But I have to watch just to make sure everyone lives happily ever after.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I’m on VERY friendly terms with a lot of our regulars.  

I share stories about Adam.  About where we live.  Our travels.  Our cats.  

I even share stories of growing up in Kentucky as a gay kid.

Tonight, two such people were in.  We bonded last summer when she’d call to make a reservation and the name that would pop up was her first name, but her ex-husbands last name.   They had not been married for a while.

She and her boyfriend come in often.  And every time it was the wrong last name.

Eventually we were friendly and I would tease her about it.  She’d tease me back.

Finally, I clicked on something one day, and it actually let me change her last name to the right name.

We were instantly best friends.  

She and her boyfriend, come in during the winter about once a week, most often on Thursday’s.  

I shared the story about Kevin from last night and on their way out came to find me to call me Kevin.  We laughed and I told that the staff wanted me to get a stage name.

They were tossing out ideas, and her boyfriend says, well it needs to be something strong that lets people know you are going to take any shit.

I thought for a second and said, How about DEXTER?  

It took a tenth of a second to get the reference but they thought it was perfect. 

Hmmm

Dexter.  

Or Hannibal.  

Or Jeffrey.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

A story I am not proud of.  

Tonight, we opened the doors at 4:58. A few minutes later than we like to, but we only had 1 two-top reservation at 5:00.  

30 seconds later a couple walk in that is NOT the 5:00 reservation. They look 17, at most. The boy is in stylish ripped jeans, a black t-shirt. The girl is dressed equally casual. Once again they look 17 at most and like typical teenagers.  

I really think nothing of it, as we often get teenagers on dates at our restaurant. I can’t imagine having had the where with all to take a date to a nice steakhouse at 17.  

Fast forward 12 minutes, and I walk by and the server is opening a bottle at the table.  

Hmm?

Once again, I think nothing other than to make a mental note to ask if he carded them as IT IS his second day.  

When he is finished, he lets me know that they have indeed been carded. I did not ask how old they really were.  

Once more I think nothing of it, they order, apps, entrees.  

About an hour later I realize that their entrees have not been touched at all and they are eating about one bite every 12 minutes.  

I ask the server if the table will turn by 6:30. He assures me it will NOT.  

I then ask if he’s checked on them and he says, yes. That they are just taking their time. I have also realized that the bottle on the table is bubbles. NOT wine.  

I ask what they ordered and he says:

Dom Perignon!

Seriously!  

DAMN!!!

WOW.  

But I am aware that they truly aren’t eating. They are chatting, looking at their phones, and taking a bite about every 10 minutes.

I once again check in with the server.  

And here is the point of the story.

I tell him to make sure he keeps an eye on them as nothing about their meal is normal. The champagne. The pace at which they are eating. The sitting there.  

I have to admit I’m worried they’ll dine and dash.  

With no basis for this other than their age and what they ordered.  

This is really too many years of living in NYC. Where it happened a lot.  

They continue to sit there and around 6:45 the server takes their entrees away.  

They order dessert and he brings it to them. They eat about five bites. And ask for the check.

I am not watching the table. I’m not standing next to them. I’m not doing anything inappropriate. But they do have a rather large check and look 17.  

The server comes to let me know they have cashed out and the table with will be ready in about 10 minutes. Just in time for the next reservations.  

They leave.

I feel bad for thinking the worst.  

REALLY BAD!!!

Then the server comes and shows me the check. 

They have tipped 50% of the check.  

Now I feel really, really bad and remind myself that I ALWAYS tell my staff not to judge anyone who sits down because you don’t know who they are.  

As I said, I am not proud of this story. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I got to work today, and as always, I checked the voicemails.  

Line one had 8 messages. All parties were interested in reservations for the weekend.

Line two was a little more interesting.

One message:

A woman said, Hi my name is Susan and I’m calling to place a carry out order that I’d like to pick up tomorrow at 4:30.  

She goes on, my son is getting married at the resort across town next summer and they love your restaurant. So I need to get the following items.  

3 Carpaccios
3 dozen assorted empanadas
12 orders of meatballs
And a full tres leches cake

I am confused as to why someone getting married next summer needs to go food tomorrow.  

She then lets me know that she’ll be needing this order, as they are having a wine tasting for the wedding and she wants to serve apps with the wine.  

AHHHH.  

She lets me know that she’ll be by to pick up the items around 4:30.  

Gives me her number and hangs up.  

The machine tells me that the voicemail was left on Wednesday night around 9:45.  

So she needs the food today. Not tomorrow.  

So.

She called after hours.

She orders take out from a restaurant that doesn’t do take out.

For an order she needs less than 24 hours later.  

And she lets me know that she’ll be by 30 minutes before we open to pick it up.  

I called her around 2:00 today. She did not answer.  

She did not arrive at 4:30.  

I’m hoping that she found someone to cater the event. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Remember two weeks ago when someone yelled at me over and over and over on their way out of the restaurant that I sucked.

They called to get a reservation for tomorrow night.  

They were very pleasant.  You’d never know anything transpired last time they were in.

The conversation ended with the question:  Are you going to turn up the lights so I can see my menu this time?

I started to say:  I’ll turn up the lights if you don’t tell me I suck.

Instead, I said I’ll try. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

A woman called tonight to let me know she would be late for her reservation.  

When I answered she asked if I was Kevin.

I confirmed that yes I was Kevin. 

She’s been coming in the whole time I’ve worked there.  I’ve corrected her a couple of times, but at this point I think it’s too late to worry about.  

She greeted me as Kevin when she came in.  I told her happy anniversary.  We had our pleasantries.  She was seated.   

This led me to sharing with my staff, the story I shared with you last week, about saying my name was Jason, when I didn’t want to speak with someone calling for me on a Saturday night.  

The conversation was funny and one of my servers said I needed to come up with a stage name.  

This led to a conversation for an hour or so of people coming up with their preferred stage names. 

I shared nicknames from my past.  Fight.  Jeff Ann.  Maddog.  

But I couldn’t come up with a suitable stage name.  

So, friends, lend me your ideas.  What should be my stage name at work.  The name I use when I don’t want people to know they are speaking to Jeff the GM.   A name that will always be there so that I don’t stumble when asked.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Wonder of wonders, Miracle of miracles.  

I got to work today. 

And for the first time maybe ever, there were no voice mails.  

Zilch.  

ZERO.

Nada.  

And it was glorious.  

That is all.