I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was trying to think tonight when and if I’ve ever told someone that they were bad at their job.  

Either someone I know or a complete stranger.  

I suppose in my misguided youth it might have happened, like 20 plus years ago.  

As a manager, I don’t even remember telling someone this. I’ve told people that I don’t think it’s a good fit. Or that they aren’t cut out for the volume. Or the stress. Or the hours.  

But to actually say the words, YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR JOB.  

I can’t recall ever saying that.  

Fun fact though.  

I remember the last time someone said it to me.

7:43 p.m. EDT.  

Why you ask?  

Because I wasn’t more compassionate when a 60-year old woman got angry that I forgot to tell a server that there was a birthday at her table.

At 7:00 tonight a woman walks up to the host stand, interrupts to say, I can’t get my waiter’s attention without everyone noticing. We have a birthday at our table and I want to make sure there is a candle in the dessert.  

I ask which table, say okay, I’ll take care of it, and go back to hosting.  

Fast forward to 7:30 and I’m at the host stand, with my nose in the I-pad, trying to fix a mistake that I made. Tables aren’t turning as quickly as I need them to, and people are arriving early for their reservations and I’m trying to find a spot for everyone.  

I’m in the middle of this when someone says, FIVE DESSERTS AND NOT ONE CANDLE.  

I look up confused. I’m trying to figure out what is happening, when she repeats herself.

FIVE DESSERTS AND NOT ONE CANDLE.  

As she finishes saying it the second time, I realize who she is.

I say, I’m so sorry. Let me check into that for you.

She goes on to say how disappointed she is in the entire experience.  

I apologize and she goes back to the table continuing to express her dismay.  

I get the people seated that need to be seated, and head into the dining room. I walk by the server who is being spoken to by the guest. I hear him say, here’s the manager if you want to speak with him.

I walk up and without a word she says, 5 desserts and not one candle. Some of these desserts need to be taken off the check.  

We all know how I feel about someone demanding I comp something.

I apologize again for the candles and say, did you get the desserts? Did you eat the desserts? Then I’m sorry I’m not taking them off the check.

She tells me that she can’t believe that she is being spoken to like this. She informs me that she comes here all the time. She tells me I should be ashamed of myself. And walks away.

She takes two steps, looks back at me and says don’t look at me like that.

I’m confused and say like what.

She says in that condescending way. She then shouts something I can’t hear so everyone will know she is upset.  

Everyone is looking at her.  

Ugh.  

I plant myself at the door, because I know what is coming.  

It’s around 7:45 when they leave.

Four of them march past me without even a glance.  

One of them lingers behind to say, You should really be ashamed of how you acted tonight. You were rude and condescending.

I’m truly confused as to how my forgetting a birthday candle has resulted in this.  

I apologize and ask him to explain how I was rude and condescending.  

He starts telling me how I was rude to the woman in the dining room, but I interrupt and say that he was nowhere in sight when I spoke to the woman so he’d have no idea what was said.  

I should have been more contrite. I know I should but once again, I’m wondering how a birthday candle has gotten us here.  

He continues saying, that you should be ashamed of how you behaved and you are a bad manager.

He continues.

He says, she asked you for a candle and you didn’t tell the waiter and then you said it wasn’t your fault.  

I actually never said it was not my fault. I said I’d check into it. Truth is I could have told someone else to let the server know. It could have been a 1000 different things.  

He tells me I’m a bad manager 3 or 4 times. Reminds me that they come here all the time. And storms out.  

Once again. I should have been more contrite.  

But here’s the thing. These are 60-year old’s losing their mind over a candle.  

I have to wonder how they react when something really bad happens like getting foam on their latte or Diet Coke instead of regular.  

Yes, I dropped the ball. But I was pulled into 12 different directions tonight. And things happen. It was a candle.  

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. If you take me to dinner on my birthday, you do not have to secretly tell the server to make sure I get a candle. It’s not a secret. It’s my birthday. I know it’s my birthday. You don’t even need the candle.  

Tell your person whose birthday you are celebrating that you love them and you are glad they are born.  

That it all. 

Instead. Tonight.  

You ruined their birthday, by making it about you.  

They’d have never known anything about it.  

But alas.

Now they do.  

And do you know how they are going to remember their birthday.  

Not the delicious meal they had.

Not the great service.

Not the great company.

Not the great experience.

Thanks to you the memory of this birthday will be forever burned into their memory as the night the manager forgot the birthday candle.

They told the server they were sorry I was his manager.  

No matter how many times this happens it never feels good. I feel like I’ve been hit with a truck. It’s emotionally exhausting.  

The saving grace, was the woman who witnessed the exchange with the man at the host stand, told my host that he was a bad, bad, human. That we are an excellent restaurant and knock it out of the park every single time.  

My head hurts now. Just reliving this.  

PS. If you come here all the time. You’d have said, Jeff, can you tell Andy to put a candle in one of the desserts we ordered. But alas you do not come here all the time. This is also proven by the fact that the history on the reservation shows that this was your first visit.  

Not that it matters.  

It does not.

I truly am sorry that I forgot the candle.  

But to quote Jen, “there are fucking people literally dying in the world right now”.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We cook with wood fire at our restaurant.

So the dominant, more noticeable smell is the smoky smell of meat cooking. It’s especially noticeable at 5:00 when the grills are still getting up to temperature and the first orders are being prepared.

However, every night at 5:00, I get asked what the wonderful smell in the lobby is.

I used to reply that it was the smell of the wood smoke.

But I was always told no, this has vanilla in it.

It took me about 9 months to discover that it’s the automatic air freshener in the lady’s restroom, which is off the lobby.  

It happened again tonight.  

It is a nice smell.

However, tonight reminded me of a story from back in the summer.

A 5-top was seated at table 37. A family. Three kids. The father is from South America.

He asks his server about half way through the evening what the scent is we use in the men’s room. It reminds him of his home in South America.  

The server comes to me to ask me about it.  

I am surprised.  

The men’s room always smells of piss. (I think of Sweeney Todd as I write this). Our urinal is poorly designed, or the men have bad aim, and by 6:00 there is always the lingering smell of piss. It’s so bad that the owner has spoken with his plumber several times about getting a new urinal.  

When the server asks me, I am at a loss as to what to say.  

It’s truly the smell of pee and the same vanilla scented air freshener from the women’s room.  

I tell her to let him know its just the air freshener we use.

She comes back later and says the guest thought maybe our chef ordered a scent from his home town in South America to give the restaurant a more authentic smell.  

I chuckle as I am taken back to the state candles that were for sale on line a few years ago. The smell of tobacco, bourbon and regret, I think was the Kentucky smell. Maine was pine, lobster and sweaty tourists. California was red wine, salt air and car exhaust.  

Perhaps we should bottle our men’s room scent and start an Etsy page with it. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It is warm in Maine right now.  

Unseasonably warm.  

It will be in the 70’s this weekend, with the potential to break records.  

Anyone want to guess how many phone calls I fielded today about the patio?  

I get it.  

Everyone in Maine wants to be outside, because winter is coming. 

But keeping a patio open, or reopening a patio is not an easy task.

First, we closed out patio early this year not because of discomfort of the guest, but because we got a number of complaints about cold food. When it’s 54* outside, and you drop mashed potatoes at the table, they are cold in about 60 seconds. The same is true of the steak you ordered. When people began to complain, in order to maintain quality, we closed the patio.  

Closing out patio, isn’t just about the act of not seating it. It has to be weatherized. The plumbing has to be drained. The bar has to be emptied. The furniture stored.  

We couldn’t open our patio even if we wanted to.

And then there is staffing.  

We have a 100-seat patio, do I just schedule 3 people daily, just in case the weather is nice? What do I do with them when it’s 45* outside? It also requires an extra host and extra food runners.  

So I understand your wanting to be outside…

But from a business standpoint, it’s does not make good business sense, to be on call for weather that may not happen.  

I’ll be jealous of all of you eating outside on Saturday and Sunday, but I’ll be happy to not have the stress of figuring out how to cover the staffing needs to have out patio open. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This is a public service announcement.

One I think I’ve done before, but after 550+ posts, it’s hard to remember.

When you pay your check with a gift card that covers a portion of the check.  

YOU MUST TIP ON THE WHOLE CHECK, NOT THE REMNANTS OF THE CHECK AFTER THE GIFT CARD!!!

So, if you are paying attention.

The check is $248.  You have a $100 gift card.  That leaves a balance of $148.  The correct gratuity is:  ________________???

You are right.  

$50.  

It is NOT.  

$30.  

This practice can also be followed when paying part of a check with cash.

And fun fact:

The fact that you had a martini, half a bottle of wine and a Scotch neat does not excuse your math abilities.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I scheduled 9 interviews yesterday.

5 people showed up. Which is really not so bad a statistic.

My 3:00 is waiting on the sofa when I finish up my 2:30.

I say goodbye to him and introduce myself to her.

I take her into the dining room.

We get settled and I ask her to tell me about herself.

I always start my interviews this way.

What happens next is very telling.

It goes one of two ways.

Either they launch into their work history.

Or.

They begin telling me about themselves the person.

I like the latter. Your work history is on the resume I’m holding.

I am hiring a person. Not just the resume.

I’ve passed on many people who have the experience but not the personality.

I’ve hired personality without experience because most times that can be taught.

So I say, tell me about yourself.

She says that she is 15, in high school, and looking for a part time job. She continues, that she likes hanging out with her friends, going to concerts and playing tennis.

I ask her what kind of music she likes.

Without a beat, she says that she is really into Harry Styles these days. She really likes his music and that he is great in concert.

Of course, she is. She’s 15. I wonder if I ever told anyone I was into Madonna?

I tell her that I’m quite fond of his new song, Songs for a Sushi Restaurant.

She agrees that it’s a good song.

She is very sweet. And perfect for the job.

But I can’t hire her until she is 16. In Maine, 15-year-olds have to be off the clock by 9:00 p.m. And when you are only open for dinner, it sucks when your staff clocks out 45 minutes before the last meal is served.

I tell her this. But I follow it up with the fact that I think she’d be a great addition to our team. I give her my card and tell her to reach out after the new year, when she is 16 and I’d be happy to chat again, if she is still looking.

She is super understanding.

She takes my card and tells me I’ll hear from her soon.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

At 5:35, two women walk into the lobby. I greet them and ask if they have a reservation.

They do not.  

They are there to buy a gift card. And have a drink.

I explain that I can get them a gift card, but the only two seats I have at the bar are for 2 people who will be in at 5:45.

I send a food runner in to process the gift card purchase.  

I wait at the door.

They keep asking if they can get a drink. To be honest they are being annoying.

Can we please.? 

We’ll be fast.

On. And On. And On.

Annoying.

Finally, one of them says, what if it’s because I have a broken heart?  

I tell her I’ve heard that before.  

It’s 5:40 and they are still begging.

At one point the one with a broken heart says it again.

I say, seriously….do you have a broken heart?

She says, not me, my boyfriend. He’s having open heart surgery on Monday and I need a drink.

I am moved. I take them in. Seat them at the two empty seats. Tell the bartender they are going to have a quick drink because they have a broken heart.  

Of course, the guests that reserved those seats come in 45 seconds later.  

I tell them I can get them seated in just a few minutes.

They get comfortable in the lobby.  

I ask if they are local or from away. A question I ask a million times a night. 

They are from Mass, but have a house here.  

We chat, they ask if I’m from here.  

I tell them the 30 second version of my story.  

I grew up in Kentucky. Graduated from college and spend the next 30 years moving ever couple of years. Kansas City, Atlanta, Kentucky, Cincinnati, Alabama, Cincinnati again, Iowa, California, New York City twice, Oklahoma.

Now Maine.  

They ask what my favorite place I’ve lived is…

I tell them hands down Maine. I follow up by saying, I love living here, I love our house, but I told my partner last week we need to move the furniture because I’m getting bored.  

We continue chatting.  

Soon it is 6:00. I go in and let the girls know the guests are here.  

They come out 45 seconds later.  

I tell the girls that I appreciate their coming out and that I appreciated their being nice.  

They look at the couple on the couch and thank them profusely for their patience.  

I tell them goodbye and then take the waiting couple in.

I say, the girls had a broken heart and needed a little comfort.

And once again, everyone lived happily ever after. 

That happened to me a couple of nights ago.  

3:00 a.m. No idea what I’d forgotten but couldn’t get the nagging feeling out of my mind.

I finally figured it out today.

I had not closed the books on the three weeks we’ll be closed over Christmas.  

Got to work and discovered we already had reservations that week. One for Christmas Eve.

Whoops.  

I got to call and disappoint people.  

Luckily everyone was understanding.

Two of the tables rebooked.  

One table for the Sunday before Xmas.

The other table for tomorrow. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It’s often pointed out that I make fun of people or are hard on our guests.  I don’t mean to be and I don’t mean to make fun of them.  A lot of it is just the frustration of working too many hours, in a small town, with people who can expect a lot of us.  

However.

That’s not the story I’m telling tonight.

Tonight, is a good story.

At 8:00 a woman walks in.  I greet her and ask if she has a reservation.  She says yes, but that she is waiting for a friend.  She says she would like to wait on him before she is sat.  

Her reservation is for the bar.  

About 10 minutes later she is still waiting.

Meanwhile, a lone diner comes in looking for a seat at the bar.  I explain that we take reservations at the bar and that I won’t have any seats available for the rest of the evening as I still have other reservations to coming in.    

I offer him a table but he wants to sit at the bar.

Then the woman, who is waiting speaks up and says, He can have our bar seats.  We don’t mind a table.

I ask her if she was sure, and she said yes, they wouldn’t mind a table at all.

So, I seat the gentleman.

Her friend arrives about 5 minutes later.

They are seated.

And everyone lived happily ever after tonight.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

For those of you paying attention, I have not posted in over a week.  

I went on vacation last week.  

I went out of town, anyway.

I went home to Kentucky, for the first time since my mom passed in September 2018.

The trip started great.  Smooth travel to Boston, to the airport.  Smooth flight to Cincinnati.  Smooth drive to home from the CVG airport.  

The trip kind of veered from that point.  

Adam and I ate at some of the best restaurants in Lexington.  We learned that we are spoiled by the level of service we get here in the northeast.  In about 8 meals out, we got great service only twice.  But we’ll get back to that.  

It was great to visit with family.  

It was great to go to Keeneland.  Adam and I picked the winners of 6 out of the first 7 races. Of course, we bet conservatively, so we didn’t win big.  We ended up 30 bucks up so we considered that a success.

The most insane thing that happened on the trip was that my aunt, whom I took out to lunch on Wednesday, to one of her favorite restaurants, passed away in her sleep very early Saturday morning.  Needless to say, it changed the tenor of the trip.  I had gone there to say hi to everyone and give them big hugs, and instead I said goodbye to one of them for the last time.  

I’m glad that I got to see her, tell her I love her, and share a day with her one more time.  But it sucked having to say goodbye so soon after seeing her.  

It also put a serious damper on the mood of everyone.  

And why is this my post for tonight?

Well, I just wrote an email to the editor of the local newspaper in Kentucky.

Why you ask?

Well about 6 years ago, I gave my aunt a subscription to the local paper.  She would read it cover to cover twice a week.  And today I called to cancel the subscription, which will renew this weekend.  

But.

First, I was told that I’d have to continue to pay till the end of the year, even though the subscription has been month to month since I signed up for it. 

Then. 

I was asked why I was cancelling someone else’s subscription.  I tried to explain to know avail.  

So tonight, I logged in to my account and the subscription cancel option was to let your credit card expire, or to call the newspaper, which had already proved futile.  

So, I addressed an email to the editor of the paper.  I explained the situation and I hope that it is taken care of before the subscription is renewed again.  

I was nice.

I’ll keep you posted.   

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Actually, me the writer would like to speak to someone, anyone who can stop the insanity.

The best part of the story I’m about about to share, is that a server had graciously agreed to help host tonight as I was on the door by myself and she was witness to the insanity.   I’m pretty sure it cleared up any belief that the stories I’ve been sharing all summer aren’t 100% factual, and just as outrageous as I say they are.

Here we go.

The night began like any other Saturday night.

We sat a million people at as we always do at 5:00.  

The push continued.  

5:30 is equally as big.

At 5:23 a man walks in and says hello.  I ask if he has a reservation and he says yes, it’s under Smith.  

At the same time this happens, he recognizes the server helping me host, and gets super excited.

I hope you are waiting on us tonight.  We love you.  We are in one of the private rooms tonight.  

He looks at me and says, We are in one of the private rooms tonight, right?

I say, I’m sorry, but unfortunately you are not.  We have you at a regular table tonight.

At this point, his head explodes.  

He gets animated and says, but I made these reservation over a month ago.  Does that not count for anything.  I made these reservations over a month ago.  Does that not count for anything.  I made these reservations over a month ago, does that not count for anything.

This exchange went on for about 525,600 minutes, or so it felt.  

He then demands to know exactly why I’m not willing to accommodate his request.  

I explain, at least I try to explain, that it’s because they are just 4 people and unfortunately, we are limited in areas we can put 5 to 8 people and since the private room can hold more people, I’ve had to book a 5 top in the room instead.  

He immediately tells me that this is bad business.  He follows that by insisting it shouldn’t matter how big the party is, it should be based solely on who requested the room first.

He assures me that they’ll spend far more money than the five top and I have made a very poor business decision.  

He gets even more agitated now.

Raising his voice.  As always for the people waiting next to him not for his or my benefit.  

He then demands to know exactly where I AM seating them.  I explain that it will be at a regular table.  

He becomes more agitated.  It better not be in the middle of the dining room.  I will NOT sit in the middle of the dining room.

His table is not in the middle of the dining room, however, for a moment I considered changing him to a table that was.

His wife gets involved, it better not be in the middle of the dining room we WILL NOT sit in the middle of the dining room.  

They all stand there staring at me, and I say, we’ll get you seated as quickly as we can.

They take a seat on the sofa in the lobby.

But they do that thing where they keep commentin.  Loud enough for everyone to hear, but NOT directed directly at me.  

They continue, get louder and louder.  

Finally, the wife says, we will definitely not be coming back.

I interrupt and say excuse me, if you’d like I can cancel your reservation, with no penalty, and you can dine some place you’d be happier with.

They insist that they’ll stay. 

At 5:37 they are seated.

He again says on his way in, that I’ve made a bad business decision.

When they leave a woman sitting on the other sofa says, you were very good at holding your ground while being polite.  I’m not sure I could have done that.  

The first thing they do is let the server know how disappointed they are that the server they saw in the lobby is NOT waiting on them.

Fun fact:  It’s never fun for anyone to be told they are disappointed that you aren’t the one they want, whether, boyfriend, girlfriend, child, or server.

I go on about my evening.

The second turn was hard.  No one was leaving.  NO ONE.  

It’s 7:30 and I had four couples to seat at the bar and nowhere to put them.  Five 4-tops that were on time, with no tables open for them.  

And I’m greeting, apologizing, trying to keep people out of the bar, when I look up and there is a man standing in front of me.  At first, I have no idea who he is, but then it dawns on me, and the next thing I know he has his hand above his head, with his finger pointed at me, screaming:

YOU SUCK!!!

Excuse me?

YOU SUCK!!!

I look at him again, not believing what is occurring in front of me.

He points at me again and screams, “YOU SUCK!!!”

I never argue in the moment very well.  

However, after almost 10 years, I don’t lose my temper about it.  

I look at him and say I assure you sir that I am not bad at me job.

True story I almost said, You are right, SIR.  I do suck.  I’m quite good at it too.  I can give you references if you like.  

I did not, although when I shared this with the server hosting with me, she couldn’t stop laughing. 

He then shouts at me that he spent a ton more money that the table in the room did and they should have been given that table when they asked for it.

He then announces to the room that they are never coming back.

I assure him that we are perfectly fine if he never comes back.

And he leaves.

And I look up and everyone is staring at me.

However, the looks they were giving me, were I’m sorry you had to deal with that.  What an asshole.  

I get back to work. 

Tables are have started to open up.

I go about the business of seating people.  Thanking each group for their patience.

They all go out of their way to say something nice.

It’s not like we waited forever.

It was just a few minutes.

I’d wait an hour more to eat here.

The last group to be seated a 4-top at table 21, went even further, saying that they understand what dealing with people like that can be like because they have a 4 year old and a 2 year old.  I laugh and say, that it was all about his being told no to a request.  

They laugh, commiserate some more and are seated.

Two hours later, one of them arrives, with to-go boxes and he says to me, we’ve just had a lovely meal, and everything was perfect, so I guess this is the point in the night where I come out, yell at you, tell you that you suck and let you know that we are never coming back.

I assure him that this is the business model we follow.  

His friends join him, they are all super sweet.

The night ends.

Well sort of.  

This is the review he left tonight:

The host was very rude. I made the reservations over a month ago because we had a birthday celebration before our sister left for the winter. I requested one of the rooms. We were 4 and the very rude host said he chose a table of five for the room. That table arrived almost a 1/2 hour after us and left about a 1/2 hour before us. He was so rude I hope the restaurant loses business. We spent almost $500 there and have been there several times and spent as much. But we will never go there again. We had also loved the chefs previous restaurant.  But never again. The host was rude crude and socially unacceptable.

I bet he was super proud of that last sentence.  

I met get that put on my business cards as a tag line.  

I was actually not rude.  As witnessed by 2 people at 5:30. 

And 30 people at 7:30.

It was nothing more than his being told no.  

And fun fact.  

All of you!!!

Go to Resy.

If you know the name of my restaurant, do a search for a reservation.  The second sentence on the restaurant information page is:

Table requests cannot be guaranteed.  

The only way he’d have missed this is if he’d made the reservation over the phone, and he did not.

He was told NO.  

PS.  The other table was even better.  The timeline they describe is far from accurate, but the 5-top spent the same as the 4-top, were in and out in 90 minutes and tipped their server better.  

I’ll take the faster, nicer, more generous table any day of the week.