I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This is one of my favorite things that happens at my restaurant.

We take reservations for our bar.

For good or bad, we do it. 

People hate when they find out, until they try and it and realize that if you plan a head most times you get right in for your reservation.

The thing I love is that someone makes a reservation at the bar for 8:00. 

Then they show up at 7:30 and tell us they came early to get a drink at the bar before they are seated. 

But there reservation is at the bar.  How do they think they’ll get a drink if their seats aren’t going to be ready for 30 minutes. 

This happened twice tonight.  And the first time we sent them to the patio.  The second time we were able to get them seated early.

When this doesn’t happen though, they get annoyed like we did something wrong. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight a couple walks in for a reservation. 

Their reservation is for the bar. 

Only I don’t have bar seats.  And it looks like it’s going to be a while before I do. 

I say to them, It’s going to be a minute for bar seats but I can get you seated a table now if you want. 

Here’s the thing, most people.  MOST.   When they reserve at the bar are bar people and they will not sit anywhere else. I assume this whenever, I say to someone it’s going to be a minute.

However, the man says, a table would be great.  We’d actually prefer a table. 

And I say, AWESOME.  That’s actually better for us all around, because we have several more people coming in for bar stools and things aren’t moving. 

He says, something else, and I respond we are glad you are open to this.  And thank you for not yelling at me because the bar stools aren’t ready. 

He laughs and says he doesn’t behave that way, even though he might look like it.

He’s a bit of a bear, with a big beard and a little heavy.  He looks like he might have ridden to the restaurant on his motorcycle. 

I laugh and say that I didn’t think that, but I’m glad to know he’s not that person.    I say, many people I’ve dealt with this summer were less patient and most of them did NOT look like you.

His wife says, OH. YOU MEAN THE PINK AND GREEN PEOPLE,,,

I took this in and laughed and asked her if I could share this observation. 

And she said yes.

So from now one, bitchy people in the summer are going to be called the Pine and Green people. 

That’s is all. 

PS.  I learned to never judge a book by its cover.  Especially in our little community. 

The people in jeans and a t-shirt arrived in a Bentley. 

The people in a suit and tie arrived in a Ford Focus.  

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight a couple walks in around 8:00 looking for a seat at the bar.

Before I can even respond the woman says, we are locals.

And here’s the thing. I don’t know what that means. And I don’t know how you want me to respond.

Locals.

Let’s talk about locals.

I use to have this conversation when I worked at a different restaurant that suggested we give locals a discount card.

What is a local?

Is it someone who lives in the tiny little community where our restaurant is located? About 150 people?

It is someone who lives in the little town where our restaurant is located? About 3,600 people.

Is it someone who lives adjacent to the little town where our restaurant is located? About 3,300 people.

Is it someone who lives in the two towns that share a similar name? 11,00 people.

Is it someone who lives five miles up the road in a town that does not share a similar name? 21,000 people.

That’s geography.

Let’s talk season?

Is it someone who lives here year round?

Is it someone who lives here only in the summer?

Is it someone who lives here only in the winter (I just learned that’s a thing)?

Is it someone who owns a home here but only uses it 5 times a year? 3 times a year? 1 time a year.?

Is it someone who works in our little town?

Is it someone who was born here, moved away and now comes to stay at the family home?

Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?

That’s the problem, is there is no clear answer.

So my thought and response is who gives a fuck?

I’m not going to magically pull a barstool out of my ass just because you live in the area.

Besides.

If you were a local, then you should be a regular, and I’ve never seen you before, and so you aren’t a regular and so if you want special treatment, come here more than once a year.

Now, on to, I’m a regular.

I get this a lot as well.

Are you now?

How many times does a person have to frequent a business to be called a regular? If you’ve read this far, I’d love to know you answer. ‘

Is it once a week? Is it once a month? Is it twice a season? Is it once a year?

We have summer regulars and we have winter regulars. We also have very wonderful year round regulars who come once or twice a week all year long.

And you wouldn’t need to tell me you are a regular if you were a regular because as I’ve said before you’d know my name is Jeff. You’d know my partner’s name is Adam. You’d know where I live. You’d know where he works. You’d know what my alcohol of choice is. You’d know, whether I’ma cat or a dog person.

I’m a talker. I love to talk to our guests. I could chat about the restaurant, the chef, the staff, the ambiance, the patio, the community, the restaurants etc all day. ALL DAY. It’s my favorite part of the job.

So.

If you are a regular as you say, what exactly is my name?

And no, we didn’t serve you garlic butter on your steak the last time you came to eat. I promise we did not. I’ve worked here for over a year and we’ve never served garlic butter. Truffle butter yes. Garlic butter no. And if you were the regular you say you are, you’d know this.

PS. We didn’t carve your steak in the kitchen last time you ate with us.

PS. We didn’t allow you to bring your dog last summer.

PS. We didn’t let you order take out over the phone last week.

PS. We didn’t let you substitute corn as a side two weeks ago when you were here.

PS. What’s my name?

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I wanted to respond to the people who said, we should say our last seating is at 8:30 instead of we close at 8:30. 

We do not list our closing time.  People call and say what time do you close and we all respond we take our last reservation at 8:30.

And they still ask the question of will we have to eat in five minutes. 

I’ve never told anyone what time we close.  It’s always opened ended.  We take our last reservation at 8:00 tonight.  At 8:30 tonight.  At 8:45 tonight.

The closing part is inferred and you can ask any of my staff, I always say to their dismay, that you may take as long as you like to eat and enjoy your meal, you have be out by 1:00 a.m.

So we are already doing what you suggested. 

I’d like to speak the manager!!!

So the following has happened like 15 times in the last two weeks.  At first I thought it was funny and silly.  But after the fourth, fifth, tenth person did it; I asked myself are we doing something wrong here.

We are open till 8:30 Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. 

We are open till 8:45 on Friday and Saturday.

The times aren’t published anywhere by us.  We say we are open 5:00 to Close. That way we are not chained to a specific time. 

We take our last reservation right at closing time.  We close at 8:30 we take our last reservation at 8:30. 

And here is what’s happening. 

Two weeks ago, I get a phone call for a reservation.  I offer the lady an 8:30 time slot as that is all we have.  Shen then asks what time we close and I say 8:30.  And she gets angry and says well isn’t that just fine, we’d have to order and eat in 15 minutes, if you close at 8:30. 

And at least dozen other times people have inferred that if we close at 8:30 they have to be out at 8:30.  Tonight a man called to change his reservation to earlier because he didn’t want to have to eat and run. 

And nowhere have we indicated that this is the case. 

Of course if you are seated at 8:30 you don’t have to eat and run.  We might, after 20 or 30 minutes ask you to order, but you can then take as much time as you need and stay as long as you like.  You have to legally be out by 1:00 am but I assure you that you won’t stay that long. 

Am I silly for thinking it’s strange that I have to answer this question?

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was on the door tonight, as I am likely to be for the next few days, weeks, and months.

We opened the doors at 4:50 and one of the first people through the door was a couple. They walked in, didn’t acknowledge anyone and headed to the bar.

The host interrupted their mad dash and asked if they needed help. They told her they were going to the bar and she asked if they had a reservation.

You’d have thought she asked for them to give up their first born to her. They were stunned.

What do you mean a reservation at the bar? Of course not it’s the bar.

She explained that we take reservations at the bar and he said, since when and why?

I’m standing there watching the whole thing take place, thinking what a dick.

The wife then explains that they are there because they have friends dining with us and asks if they can join them. I find their reservation and unfortunately that can’t happen.

At this point the man angrily asks if we have open seats at the bar, and by now he has annoyed me so I say no. We had two. But he wasn’t getting them.

The hosts then asks if they’d like a table. The wife says yes and the host says inside or outside and the man loses it on his wife about how he is not eating outside, he doesn’t want to eat outside and he is not going to eat outside.

Then he makes a show of letting everyone know he has been here before.

He says, is Chef here, using his first name? I need to speak with him about this reservation business. He then asks if the bartender is here using is first name. He keeps going and going.

Finally he asks if they can at least go in and say hi to the bartender and they do.

The host whispers did you notice how he dropped Chef’s name like we were supposed to magically make seats appear because he knows him.

I say, did you notice how they didn’t get bar seats because the man is a jerk.

Finally they come out and I find out later went to the patio bar and had dinner there.

Of course when they got there the host outside asked if they had a reservations and the man was like, oh my god, if you tell me I need a reservation I’m going to lose it.

Fun facts that I know to be very true:

If you were a regular as your pretend to be, you’d know we take reservations. It’s been going on for over 2 years.

You’d be far better off dropping my name than Chef’s. Chef is only going to arrange for reservations for about 6 people. He tells everyone else to reach out to me. The hosts know that if someone drops Chef’s name they don’t know him, because he’d have made their reservation.

Meanwhile, if you drop my name, the hosts know that I probably do know them and might have an arrangement with them. Yesterday, I got to work at 2:30 which is late for me. One of my hosts came in early to help with phone calls because I knew I was going to be late. At least four people she returned calls to, ask for me to call them specifically.

And I did. Today. All of them were people I love and they all got what they needed. And two of them got things that were beyond the scope of what the host is allowed to do.

I can break the rules. They can’t.

So be nice to me, because I can make sure you always get the table you want. Or I can make sure we are always booked when you call.

A message from a friend of mine tonight.

He wrote:

I love your posts. Best part of staying up late is I often get to read them before I go to bed. I have never worked in a restaurant — but I am a frequent diner.  I’m astounded at the rudeness of some of the people you describe. And you have modified one of my bad behaviors. I have been that multiple-caller-no-message guy before. I’m a bit obsessive-compulsive that way but it never occurred to me that there might be a record of me doing that. OMG. My embarrassment now outweighs my obsessive-compulsiveness.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Some fun reviews we’ve gotten in the past three days:

We showed up an hour early and were seated.  But the bartender rushed us to order and leave. 

            The showed up at 5:00 for a 6:00 reservation.  They were in an out because they were 2 people and at 5:00 everything is fast.  Come at 6:00 and relax next time.

Our only complaint and we think it’s important is that the portions were too large and we are on vacation and couldn’t take home left overs. 

            I would have thought it wasn’t a big deal, but they gave us an 85% rating. 

The prices are expensive; especially considering no side comes with your entrée. 

            I’m pretty sure she was reviewing a steak house in Boston.  Every entrée we serve comes with a side.  Some of them come with 2 sides.  Chef prides himself on not being ala carte. 

We knew the focus of the restaurant in advance but the focus on large portions of pricey beef narrows the guest’s options.  80%

          Would you go to Ford and complain about the lack of Toyotas on the lot?  Would you go to a sushi restaurant and complain that there were no cheeseburgers on the menu?  Would you go to Victoria Secrets and complain that there were no underwear for men?  Would you go to a pet store and get mad that there are no feed for your cattle?  Would you go to a veterinarian and be mad that they won’t see your 9 month old child?  Would you go to a garden center and be mad that they don’t sell swimming pools.  This one was seriously weird as shit. 

My husband was not pleased with his choice. He said his chicken was too much work as he does not eat skin and it was a bit difficult to cut into bite size piece.

          Yes, having to cut your meat into small pieces is hard.  I suggest baby food.  It would suit you well.

Meanwhile, now word from Mr. Kray Kray on Monday. 

But.

One of the bartenders had two guests who did the same routine with her tonight. 

I was able to finally figure out what he was doing. 

The man on Monday and the two guests tonight, were trying to engage in a fight, without starting it themselves.  All of them asked pointed questions trying to get a rise out of us.  This included snide comments that never quite crossed the line. 

Meanwhile, on Monday I didn’t engager.  And tonight, the bartender didn’t engage. 

That is all. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

My boyfriend gave me the sweetest compliment today as we drove home. 

We were talking and out of nowhere he shared that he was disappointed when the alarm went off this morning, and he was looking at social media while I slept and there was no I’d like to Speak to the Manager!!! post. 

I don’t usually post on my day off, not for lack of subjects, but I try not to do any restaurant work and sometimes reliving the days is work. 

He also, hardly ever mentions my posts.  I know he sees them as he likes them on Facebook, but he does not comment and he hardly mentions them to me, except to say occasionally, you might want to correct your grammar, or are you sure you want to post that. 

In truth there has only been one post I’ve removed after the fact and he was right that it shouldn’t be made public. 

But it felt nice to know that he looks forward to my writing and my posts. 

It made me smile. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Adam and I went on a mini (key word mini) vacation yesterday. 28 hours from the time we left till the time we were home.

We went to western Mass to see a musical.

We had dinner before the show. It was a 7:00 curtain so we ate way earlier than we like to eat. We wanted to make sure we had time to walk to Ben and Jerry’s AND have a drink at the bar next to the theater before the show, so our reservation was at 4:00.

The restaurant opened at 4:00. We were seated at 4:03.

From the moment we were seated, until the time we left the experience was less than stellar.

The table was next to the bathrooms and wait station even though we were the only table in the restaurant for the next 30 minutes. We spent the first hour of our meal, watching the servers, eat lunch, roll silver and play with their phones.

The server we had left a lot to be desired. And that’s being kind. I will say he got our food right, and he coursed it appropriately but that’s where the service kind of ended.

I would really like to send the restaurant a case of salt as nothing was seasoned. And I do mean nothing. I’m not a salter, but boy did I go through half the shaker.

We did not stay for dessert mostly because we were getting ice cream, but we didn’t even let them tempt us.

The meal was not cheap. With tip it was over $200.

It was seriously, the worst service experience we’ve had since we were in Vegas in 2014. That’s worth a post in and of itself.

Here’s the thing.

We didn’t complain. We didn’t demand anyone be fired. We didn’t send our food back. We didn’t leave a bad review. When I checked in at the restaurant on social media half way through the meal I said nothing negative.

We both agreed that there would be no point in it.

The server is the server. He did nothing egregious but service is definitely not his life. I’m also guessing that it’s just has hard to hire in the Berkshires as it is on the coast. You hire who walks through the door, and sometimes they are not the right person.

The food is the food. There was nothing exactly wrong with it, we just have a more sophisticated palette. Their palette might suit their demographic better than ours.

The table was the table. Everyone, including me has a bad table. Someone has to sit there.

The point is there was no reason to make everyone uncomfortable. And we don’t live there. It might be two more years before we go back. I don’t need to make sure the restaurant goes out of business in the meantime.

So we ate, we tipped, we left.

And then we got ice cream.

And then we got booze. Where the service was worse.

And then we saw a play, and for the first time in my life we understand what the lyrics to Send in the Clowns actually mean.

And it was nice to get away for the night.

And today, I shared with my staff all the things that we disliked about our service, our meal and our table and explained that this is why I give such silly specific notes. It might not seem like a big deal, but to some it is. And if we can cross our t’s and dot our i’s then there will be far less to complain about.

And let me repeat, we didn’t insist anyone be fired. Not even the general manager, who was seated at the bar, drinking a glass of wine, working on something, even though the bar was full and I’m sure the bartenders would have liked that stool back.

No one, needed to be fired.

Except the lighting and set designer of the show we saw. They needed to be fired.

And PS. If the New York Times comments that when you bring in clothes that are supposed to be wet and aren’t, you take the note and make the clothes wet when you bring them in.