I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

A first tonight.

My host comes to me and says she found thin on the couch while straightening the pillows.

Wow.

Just say no.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Two things I’ve discovered in the past week.

First I have no more fucks to give.

What does that mean?

We have amazing guests.  We have people who eat at our restaurant once a week, twice a week, three times a week.

They are wonderful, understanding and kind.

They are the people who pay our bills. 

Then we have people I call one and done. 

They are from North Dakota.  They come here on vacation.  They eat here once, because the owner of their air bnb told them to. 

But here’s the deal. 

They are the people who wouldn’t be pleased if we were a 5-star Michelin restaurant.  They can’t be pleased.  They want dinner for free.

They are the people who make our lives difficult. 

And I have no fucks to give these people.

So you don’t get to yell at me when you forget your credit card.  You don’t get to yell at me when I say you can’t bring your wine into the restaurant.  You don’t get to beat me up.  

PERIOD!!!

We are going to focus on pleasing the 99% of people who are awesome and you can go back to South Dakota and tell people how horrible we were and it doesn’t matter because none of them are coming to Maine anyway.

Meanwhile, I continue to have a million calls every day. 

I no longer listen to the messages. 

I listen long enough to get the name and number.

After that I don’t care. 

I don’t care that you eat here once a year.  I don’t care that you live on Marshall Point Road.  I don’t care that your grandmother is turning 86. I don’t care that you are friends with the barista at the coffee shop, where you mechanic gets his muffin. 

Name. 

Number.

I have to ask you about all the other information when I call anyway. 

Two.  New.  Things. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

On my way home at night I often chat with friends. 

Last night was my AGM from my first GM job.  Tonight was my AGM from two jobs ago.  Both conversations were similar.  We were commiserating on the challenges of being in the hospitality business right now.  Challenges with staffing, co-workers and grumpy guests. 

Last night’s conversation turned to a conversation she had had with her current boss and she says to me, I was able to say the things I needed to  say to him because when I was young and green you taught me to fend for myself.  She then goes on to embarrass with compliments she was giving me on our time together. 

The truth is, she was my employee, then my AGM, then my friend.  And she taught me far more than she will ever know, but it felt nice to have someone tell me that I helped them in their growth.

Tonight, on the way home I am chatting and I tell my old AGM that she needs a mentor, someone who can help her with the difficult times and she says, I did have that but you moved on. 

Once again, I was overcome with embarrassment as she complimented me on the things that I had taught her as a manager, AGM and friend.  As I said about the first night’s compliment she will never know all the things she taught me. 

The one lesson, I taught both of them, and I’ve taught many people is to know your role. 

I’ve told the following story so many times I should get paid for it. 

Years ago, I taught lighting design at a performing arts high school.  It was a dream job and I loved everything about it.  For those of my friends in theater education, the system was set up so that I not only got paid for teaching, but every single design I created was considered above and beyond and I received additional pay.  30 years ago, it was a great salary. 

I had amazing students and they have far surpassed anything I thought they might do.  They are working across the country in theaters from Broadway to Vegas. 

However, in my tenure there, I had a student say to me one day that he was annoyed that all I did was stand around telling other people what to do.  He was implying I was too lazy to pull out a wrench and hang a light myself. 

I don’t remember my response the first time this was said to me, but it became a conversation I had with this student many times. 

He wasn’t wrong.  I did just stand around telling people what to do.  But it was not because I was lazy, but how do you explain that to a 15 year old.

So after the 12,656 time I told him that I was going to let him run the crew next time we had a load in. 

Fast forward and we are loading in a show at a union theater.  The great thing about the school that I worked at was they had an agreement with the local IATSE union, that for every union worker we hired, we had a student attached to them.  This way, the union was protected, but our students got to learn with the best of the best. 

So I turned the show over to my student. 

We arrive at 8:00, as all load-ins start at 8:00.  I give the plans to the student and tell him to go for it.  I have my wrench attached to my belt and I’m ready to hang lights for the morning. 

And off we go. 

All is well for about 30 minutes.  I’m hanging my electric but I look around and there members of the electric team waiting for direction.  Both students and union members.

I go back to work.  Around 9:00, there are still people waiting for direction but hey I’m just a grunt and I go back to work, all the while with one eye of the crew and the student who was in charge.  

Around 9:30, I approach the student and ask if everything is okay.  I can tell he’s struggling but is too proud to say so.  I explain that I am here to just hang lights but there are three guys standing over there who are making a lot of money an hour and for the last 90 minutes they haven’t done anything.

He finally admits that he doesn’t know what to do next and that clearly it’s a lot harder to keep things moving than he thought and that he finally understood that I was not just standing around. 

I gave him my wrench and we traded places. 

I took over just telling people what to do. 

My first AGM I found on a ladder loading wine into storage and I asked her what she was doing.  She said she was stocking wine.  And I said, if you are doing that, why are we paying the three people over there who are watching you stock wine?

My last AGM and I had a phone call a week ago and she was saying she was too busy running food and bussing tables to get some tasks done and I shared my lighting story with her.

The moral of the story is that a GM is a big picture person.  You have to see everything, and if you are focusing on the little picture, then the picture gets fuzzy. 

I am not too good to bus a table.  I am not too good to run drinks.  I’m not too good to run food.  But 99% of the time, I have three people standing around waiting for direction who can do the task at hand allowing me to move on to find the next task at hand. 

It makes me proud that both of these AGM friends are doing so well in their careers, as are my lighting friends. 

Now, hang three source fours on that batten and bus table 21 and can you run get ice for the bar. 

And thank you for filling my water cup. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We, and by we, I mean our staff, killed it tonight.  We broke all the records by a lot.   We fed more people than we ever thought possible, and we hit a revenue record that was not forecast for us, for the next three years. 

The best part of these facts though is that the evening was one of the smoothest ever. 

Food was spot on, only a couple of re-cooks.  Servers weren’t running around like crazy.  And the food running team and expo were better than I’ve ever seen them.  They thought we were slow tonight. 

Kudos, kudos, kudos to the whole staff.

I also had several people seek me out at the end of their meals to let me know how wonderful their experience was.  Most of them I knew, but one particular man sought me out on the patio after finishing his dinner inside.  I recognized him as having eaten here before, but I don’t know his name and we’ve only spoken briefly before. 

He came up to me, and complimented us on the beauty of our patio.  He continued saying that he and his family have been coming to the restaurant since it opened almost 4 years ago and he wanted me to know that the changes that I had brought to the restaurant, were much noticed and a great improvement.  Not that anything was bad before but that things had definitely improved since I became GM.  It felt nice to be recognized. 

I should add that I was on the patio because my host has said  to me, have you looked at the weather?  

FUCK YOU!  NO!  IT’S NOT GOING TO RAIN!

But of course I pull out my phone and what do I see a severe thunderstorm warning alert.  I look at the radar.  It’s now about 6:50 and according to the radar we have about 30 minutes to formulate a plan. 

Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.

We still have the entire second turn to seat and the place is packed. 

However, one should not panic in these moments and so I planted myself on the patio and formulated a plan.

First, it’s at the end of the first turn and the second turn doesn’t start till 7:00.  So I stop seating.  I tell everyone who approaches that we won’t be seating anyone else until we have the all clear that it’s not going to rain.  However, if it does rain it’s going to be quick and furious, meaning we’ll dry everything and seat people as soon as we can.  You might have to wait but we’ll make sure you have an awesome time in the end.  I also have the patio host clear all the clean tables so it won’t be a rush to do so, if it rains. 

Meanwhile, I have about 8 tables in the middle of their meals. 

All but two are eating their entrees.  I tell their servers to let them know that they should keep things moving as we are expecting storms.  The two tables that are waiting on food, I approach and point out the tables they are to move to should it rain.  The tables on dessert, I suggest that they get their desserts to go and enjoy them in their cars or at home. 

The night continues. 

It grows dark. 

According to the radar the line is moving toward us.  And it keeps coming.  And it keeps coming.  And as it moves closer, it moves north.  Around 7:45 it becomes apparent that there is not going to be any rain. 

Meanwhile, I have about 25 people waiting to be seated, all late for their reservations.  They have gotten drinks from the patio bartenders and none of them are upset at all. 

We get the tables reset and I seat people in the order they arrived. 

And by 7:45 everyone is seated and we are moving on with our night. 

It screwed the momentum and flat seating everyone bogged them down but they all got through it. 

And at 10:00 tonight I sat down at the chef’s table and opened my laptop and looked at revenue and all was good in the world. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Guess who is gun shy?

This guy!!!

There was a 60% chance for thunderstorms today, so I called the patio.  At 2:00. 

I texted my staff to say they had the night off.  I’d asked my host to come in early to make the phone calls that needed to be made.  It took her all afternoon but by 4:30 everyone had been called and we’d moved as many people inside that we could. 

I’m pretty sure we started the night off ahead of any numbers we’d done for just the inside dining room.  Ever.  In fact, we did 50 more covers tonight than on Monday and the patio was open on Monday. 

It was busy, for just the inside.  We had no availability for anything over 2 and the 2’s were contingent upon tables turning quickly.  For the most part, everything went great, but things started to bog down around 7:45.  The 6:30’s weren’t turning and of course everyone came in early for their 8:00 reservations.

It was especially tough because we had no room at the bar.   I’m sure the bar did more covers tonight than EVER!!!  By a lot.  On any given night the bar does about 40+ covers give or take a few. Sometimes more, sometimes less.  They did 59 tonight and they hustled to do it.  We were only behind seating people around 10 minutes and that was around 8:30. 

As I said at 7:45 things started to bog down.  There were people waiting in the lobby.  Some because they were 30 minutes early, some because we were running a few late. 

Suddenly, as it always happened, around 6 tables left at the same time.  I had a place for everyone waiting, including the 8:30 tables.  We just need to get them all bussed and set with place settings.

During this time a couple comes in for their 8:15 reservation.  I explain that it will be a few minutes before I can get them seated.  I say a few minutes, because if you are specific they will come back to see you in 90 seconds.  They ask if they can grab a drink at the bar, I explain the bar is booked but I’ll get them seated as soon as I can.  They say great, that they are going to wait in the parking lot.

I go back to work.  I’m at the door; my hosts are working on getting tables cleaned.

A little while later the hosts appear and we start getting people seated.  2 people at 35.  A 4 at table 21.  I send a server out to get the couple waiting in the parking lot.  He goes out, looks around and they are nowhere to be found.

I think to myself, maybe they left. 

I seat the table after them. 

We are now 15 minutes late for the parking lot people, but at this point it’s their fault not ours. 

I’m standing at the host stand when they walk back in.  I welcome them and say that we’d been looking for them.  At this point I notice that they are holding plastic cups, filled with red wine.

I think to myself.  Seriously, this again?

I tell them that they need to give the cups to me and immediately the woman starts to drink.  I stop her and say that if she continues, she will not be allowed in the restaurant.  She looks at her husband and he starts to drink his.

I stop them both and explain that if they continue that I will not seat them.

The woman looks outraged that I’d even dare questions them.  She says that they were just enjoying a glass of wine before dinner…in the parking lot. 

I’m about to have the most insane conversation ever.

I say to her, there is only one city I know of in the US where it’s legal to walk around with alcohol and this is definitely not New Orleans.  She interrupts me to say that it’s legal in Las Vegas.  I reply unless I made a seriously wrong turn this morning, this is neither New Orleans NOR Las Vegas and that it is indeed against the law to have an open container in Maine and its really illegal to bring alcohol into an establishment with a liquor license. 

Her husband looks at me and starts to take a drink.

I repeat my statement.  If you drink that I will not seat you.

Anyone want to guess what happened next?

Yeap, he takes a drink.

And I said, GREAT.  Why don’t you enjoy your wine in the parking lot because I’m not seating you for dinner.

At which point I think they think I’m kidding.  But I’m not having any of it.  I repeat that it’s against the law for them to have an open container anywhere and it’s against the law to bring alcohol into my establishment.  Now I’m asking you to leave. 

She gets loud. 

I stay calm but continue to explain that we are no longer having a discussion.  I’ve made my decision and now you must go.

Years ago at the Irish pub I managed I shooed a guy out by waving my arms and hands at him like you might do to herd a goat.  This was about a week after I started and the staff never let me forget it.

I make the gesture at them, shooing them out of the restaurant.

The woman is having no part of this.  They were just enjoying a glass of wine, etc etc. etc. 

I might add the lobby is full at this point.  The couple on the couch is ignoring us.  The couple standing next to them is full on engaged with the pre-dinner show. 

She continues to protest.  Her husband is clearly used to letting her fight the battle, as he just shows his anger but lets her do the talking.

I finally say, if you’d like I can call 911 and have the police come discuss with you the open container laws of our fair city, but it’s probably not going to go well.

She looks at me like I dare you, and I hand the cordless phone to my host and say, will you call 911.    

She does exactly as I intended her to do and dials 911 without hitting the button to open the line first.  She holds the phone up to her ear and the woman begins to shout about how inconsiderate and rude I am. 

I take the phone from the host and say, are you sure you want to go down this road….and they leave. 

The couple standing beside them looks at me and says what assholes!   Who brings in a plastic cup of wine into a fine dining establishment?

What’s funny as I thought about it later, a dive bar would be even more protective as they are watched more closely.  But seriously who does that?

Oh.  But the story doesn’t end there.

I was at the host stand tonight, when the reservation was made.  We have a super-duper high-end resort that called to make the reservation for the guests.  She explains that she started to make it earlier but the reservation was gone before she finished it. 

This is a lie, as reservations were turned off all day.  I turned them off to make sure we had room to seat the guests on the patio.  However, I had room for the two top and I made the reservation for the fancy, super-duper resort that might have a restaurant that loses reservations. 

So about 15 minutes after the couple leave the phone rings and I see that it’s the super-duper high-end resort, and I answer.  A girl says, I made a reservation for two of my guests tonight that I want to ask about….

I ask the name, and of course it’s the couple.

The girl says, the guests I made the reservation for have come back and I have their side of the story and I wanted to get your side of the story now. 

I think to myself and are mom and dad trying to decide who broke the vase that leaked during dinner.  (Only about three of you will get the reference). 

I say to the woman, the guest you are referring to did have reservations, we have made the decision not to serve them, and that’s all I can disclose.

She says, so you aren’t going to tell me what happened?

And I say of course not.

She gets incensed (I’ve loved this word since the song The Streak came out) and says you are seriously not going to tell me what happened.

I assure her that I am indeed not going to share with her the details.

She wants to know why not and I say, would you share details of a guest encounter that happened at cottage 15 when I call tomorrow?  No you wouldn’t.  You don’t need to know anything more than they were not served.

She hangs up.

And I think to myself.  It’s 9:00 in my little town.  And the only places still serving food are McDonald’s and Burger King out by the interstate.  I wonder if their red wine in a plastic cup will pair well with a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese or a Whopper?

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Racism was alive and well and living at my restaurant tonight.

Around 5:15 a 5 top walks in for their 5:30 reservation.  I’d just sat their server, so I’d told them it would be close to 5:30 before I could get them seated. 

They take a seat on the couch.  One of our food runners was at the door, helping me seat people.  She was standing there when an older man says to her, you must not be from Maine.

At this point she has neither spoken nor had any interaction with this group.

I hold my breath. 

He then says, she must be from New York.

The implication is you aren’t white so you can’t be from Maine.

She is polite.  I continue holding my breath wondering if I’m going to have to intervene. 

He drops it when she says she’s from Agentina. 

Whew.

But.

Around 9:00 tonight, I’m chatting with a server who is cashing out and a family enters the lobby.  A man and his two children. 

I ask if he enjoyed his meal. He says that he did. 

I have no memory of what was said next, but the next thing I’m hearing is that he hasn’t seen one negro since he’s been in Maine. 

I’m speechless.  I say nothing.

My server says nothing.

He leaves.

I say to my server, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.  Wait until the door clicks shut.

And then she looks at me and says did he just say negro.  And did he just say it as loud as he did like there was no problem with it? 

I share the story of the older man earlier and comment that casual racism is alive and well and living in Maine. 

We were both speechless. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Yesterday when I got to work I had twelve million phone calls. 

I got to the ones I could. 

There were about 20 I just didn’t get to. 

One of those was a call about a lost credit card. 

When I got home last night, one of the things I did was check messages on our social media accounts to make sure there was nothing I need to respond to. 

Seems the girl with the card and left her card on Monday, had reached out on Instagram on Monday night and Chef had told her to call me and leave a message and I’d get back to her.  She did leave a message, on Tuesday but since I didn’t call her back she’d left four more Instagram messages saying we were ignoring her. 

I call her back as I moved through my list today. 

And as soon as I said who I was and told her we had her card, she launched into her grievance. 

I listened for about a second and said, first you called on Tuesday, we are not open on Tuesday.  I had 87 calls when I got to work yesterday, I call them back in the order they are received, I did not get to yours. I’m calling now.  How would you like to proceed. 

She wants me to mail the card and I say no.  It’s a liability but also, I don’t have time to do all that.

She then wants to come in on Friday morning and I say no to that as no one will be in the building. 

I suggest Friday night and she says how about Saturday afternoon.  I explain that we won’t be open till 5:00 so that she can stop by any time after 5:00 that works for her. 

She again shares her displeasure. 

I wish I’d told her I’d mail it to her, then just cut it up and let her wait for something that was never going to come. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We were busy again tonight.  Crazy busy.  The last two days we’ve done Saturday business during the week.

Today was different, as the host couldn’t make it to work.  I say host singularly because the days of me having two hosts are quickly coming to an end. 

With only one host scheduled, and them not being there, anyone want to guess who was on the door tonight?  Yes, Yes, Yes.  It was ME!  ME!  ME!

The night went swimmingly well for the most part.  The kitchen killed it.  The FOH did great.  All the problems were slight to say the least.  And I sat near record numbers by myself.  With the aid of my staff. 

The one problem we have when there is only one host is that there is only me to answer the phones.  So, we are limited in the number of same day reservations we can make because I can only pick up the phone when nothing is going on. 

Tonight around 7:00 I made a reservation for a woman named Sarah.  Nothing out of the ordinary about the reservation. 

They arrived around 7:30 and I get them seated.  Once again, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. 

They are a very attractive couple, she is very nice, and he is very serious. 

Around 8:45 I walk through the area of the restaurant where they are serious, after giving a table my speech about needing to order soon, and I casually ask the couple how their dinner was.  They are so complimentary and so nice.

I go out to back to the bar and their server is standing there and she says, did they tell you what happened tonight?  I say, no and so she tells me.

Oh.  WOW. 

So I tell her to take them a round of our house made limoncello and to say that we are glad we turned their night around. 

She asks if I’d like to take it to the table and I say, of course. 

So I take the two glasses to the table and say, hi, your server told me what happened tonight and I just wanted to say how glad we are you ended up at our restaurant and that we were able to turn your night around.

They were so happy. 

At this point, the man apologizes for being rude when he came in.  I assure him he was anything but rude, I just thought he was someone who moved to a more serious nature.  Its clear now in talking to him that that is not the case at all.  He apologizes again, and I can now see he is not the serious guy I thought he was.  He’s super cute and very funny. 

They tell me their story.

He is from a neighboring state.  She is from NYC.   They met four months ago and have been dating.  He asked her to come to our fair state to get away for the weekend.  On the way up, he said he had a great surprise for her for dinner. 

I think she might have been afraid he was going to ask her to marry him, but instead, he’d made reservations at a restaurant near ours.  It was made over a month ago, and had required a $250 deposit and a requirement that they spend at least $600.  However, they got to have a very private dinner for 2 in a very romantic setting. 

They arrived on time for their reservation and upon checking in were told that the restaurant had no record of their reservation.  No record of his deposit.  No record of the conversations he made to make the reservation. 

And to make matters worse, they basically said, sorry dude!

He was pissed to say the least. 

Before I go on, this is my worst nightmare as a manager.  That I booked an event, failed to record it in the system, on my spreadsheet, etc and the people show up expecting something we can’t deliver.  My absolute worst fucking nightmare. 

He is close to losing his temper when his new girlfriend drags him out of the restaurant.

He is fuming in the car and says; just find us someplace to eat.  Any place.  I don’t care.  

And so she called, and miracle of miracles, I answered and they arrived and they were seated and they had an amazing time. 

They loved everything about the experience.  EVERYTHING.

The service.  The atmosphere and especially the food. 

And so they shared this story with their server.  And this story made me happy as I love to turn people’s experiences around and also, the other restaurant used to be the go to in town and was owned by the evil corporation in town and it seems they have ceased to be amazing. 

They also showed me the 5 page apology email the GM had sent apologizing for their not having the reservation, but doing little to make it better. 

So they shared this with me and I told them I was so happy that I had answered and that they had had a great time. 

They then asked where they should go to get the best lobster.  I explained that lobster was easy, they should instead go searching for the best lobster roll and seafood. 

So when they left 45 minutes later, I had given them a list of things to do, including asking my bf to make a reservation for them at his restaurant on Saturday night.  I told them it was the best place seafood in town. 

And they are coming back on Sunday to spend their last night in town with us. 

And that’s how I spent my night turning things around. 

I like being nice to people.  Till they won’t let me be. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

It was bring Jeff bourbon at work day today.

At 6:00 a server comes in to say table L2 has a gift for me.

Im on the door so I can’t go out.

About 7:30 he walks in with a bag with two bottles in it.

Then I seat a table at 7:45.

Regulars as well.

They ask me about bourbon.

I share that I really enjoy Buffalo Trace but it’s hard to get here.

20 minutes later I walk by there table and the girl pulls a bottle out of her purse.

I have no idea where it came from.

But I assure you I will enjoy it greatly.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight a man about my age walks in holding a plastic cup.

I say, I’ll need to take the cup from you.

He steps back and gulps it.

I look at him.

He looks at me. 

I look at him and I say, if you do anything out of sorts again I’ll ask you to leave.

He looks at me like I’m crazy.

I say again, if you do something like that again, you won’t get served.

What do you mean?

I say, it’s against the law for you to have an open container in public.  It’s against the law for you to bring an open container into an establishment that serves alcohol.  It’s against the law, and you know it.  I’m not going to risk my liquor license because you need to drink half an ounce of wine.  And don’t tell me you didn’t know, every person in the country knows you can’t walk around with liquor in a cup. 

He became very demur, apologized and said he was sorry.

He acted like the 26 year old from the wedding. 

Who does that?

It also reminds me of the people who are told it will be just a couple of minutes before they can get seated who look at me and say, well can we go outside and get a drink.

Lady.  It’s a couple of minutes.

Before you got to the outside bar you’d be on your way to your table. 

This happens 30 times a day.

And trust me, at someone point in a moment of weakness I’m going to say to someone, you don’t need a drink, you need a meeting.  I can look up one online  while you dine and I can even make sure you get there after your meal tonight, because if you can’t go 4 minutes without a drink, I’m not sure a drink is what you need. 

PS.  A couple left without having dinner tonight because we didn’t serve Coor’s Light.