I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was in phone call hell again today.  I don’t remember how many calls there were when I got there. 

There were a LOT!!!

I listened to the messages.  Or I tried. The phone kept ringing and it stops the machine from replaying the messages.  It took forever to get them all recorded in my notebook. 

The first thing of note is the number of multiple messages. 

Trust the system. 

This is my new mantra. 

Leave a message and let me call you back.  Especially when we are closed on the day you call. 

Please, don’t keep calling. 

Some asshole from NYC kept calling today.  Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.  I never answered his call.  Finally I wrote down his number and told my host not to answer his call. 

Fun fact, if he’d just left a message he could have had dinner with us.

Tonight at pre-shift I mentioned that my calling ability was made difficult by the asshole from NYC, and a server came up to say it might have been her friend who really wanted to eat with us tonight.  I assured her had he just left a message he’d have been fine. 

I can understand people calling more than once who want to eat with us on the same day, but seriously, leave a message.

Trust the system.   

Tonight the phone rang over and over and over.  Finally around 9:00 the caller left a message. 

Tonight I recorded all the messages in my notebook so that there’d be less tomorrow.  There were 21 tonight. 

The person who kept calling tonight was a girl looking for a reservation on August 18^th? 

August fucking 18th

Why the desperation?  Why the need to call over and over and over and over and over?

Also fun fact:

Leaving a message saying you’d like a reservation for tomorrow at 6:30 for 6 people is not a reservation. 

You need to connect with me before it’s real.

Two times tonight someone walked in and said, I left a message so I assumed I had a reservation. 

I was able to get them in, but NO, you don’t have a reservation until you get a confirmation text or email from the system. 

Also.

Don’t get frustrated with me when you made the reservation for the wrong day.

2 times tonight someone came in insisting they had a reservation.

And 2 times I did a search and discovered that the reservation was in fact for next Wednesday. 

Please, for the love of god don’t get angry with me.  I’ll do my best, which is what I did today and got them in, but I didn’t trick you into booking the wrong date.

And my favorite reservation mishap today. 

A couple comes in at 5:00 for a bar reservation.

Only I don’t have it. 

They insist their names are Jim and Brenda Smith.  I have no reservation at all under that name.

I take their phone number.

No reservation anywhere, ever in my system for that number. 

They explain that the concierge at their hotel made the reservation, and that it should be there.  I assure them that it is not. 

I try everything to find it.

I eventually say, let’s just get you seated and not worry about it.

So they are seated. 

I continue to look for the reservation, to no avail.

They eat and they leave.  I ask them if by chance their name was George as I had a reservation made by someone at their hotel collection with the name George who was a no show. 

They assure me it’s not. 

By this time I’ve no showed George. 

I thank them for coming in, I say I’m sorry there was a mistake on the hotel’s part for their reservation, but say I’m glad they were able to enjoy themselves. 

At this point I know they aren’t George.  So I charge George $50 bucks for the no show.

And what would you know the hotel calls around 8:30 because the company credit card was charged $50  They assure the host who answered it was our mistake, and that the hotel made the reservation under the name Angela. 

I can’t wait to call back tomorrow and explain that Angela is NOT George and that I can’t know what they meant to do when they made a reservation in the wrong name.  Also they’ve been doing this for two years now, get their phone number, name and credit card.  It’s not hard. 

Trust the system. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Table #37.

Ahhhhh.

Table #37.

8 women.  They were in and out all night.  Going to the parking lot to smoke.  Sometimes with their cocktail.  Sometimes not. 

Around 7:30 all but 4 of them leave. 

The 4 remaining gather in the bar area. 

One of them appears to ask about the cocktail tables by the bar.

It takes the host and myself about 45 minutes to realize she’s referring to the Chef’s tables. 

The host says that we have reservations on those tables. 

The woman points out that there are two tables.  I say, yes, but you can’t sit there for just drinks. 

She’s annoyed. 

I then notice that they’ve gathered at the rail where we store the extra bar stools we used to cap the chef’s table. 

Their server comes by and says do you want me to tell them they can’t sit there.

I say, if you want, why don’t you suggest they go out to the outside bar and they can get cocktails and sit by the fire. 

She does this.  They leave through the back door.

15 minutes later one of the women appears at the host stand. 

She says, I don’t understand why we couldn’t sit in the bar area and have drinks.  There are chairs there, surely they are for sitting.  I explain that it’s where we keep the extra chairs for the bar. 

That’s stupid she says.  She holding a beer and says a few more things and then walks into the bar. 

There’s a woman who’s just exited the restaurant watching the woman, you can tell she is sympathizing with us as the woman is crazy. 

I say to the host, follow her and see what she’s  up to.

The woman in the lobby laughs. 

The host follows her and comes back to say she has seated herself at the bar. 

I go into the bar, walk up to the woman and say, I’m sorry but you can’t sit here. 

She replies that she’s going to have a drink and won’t be long. 

I tell her I’m sorry but we have a reservation here and she needs to get up.

She then says she’s looking for something, she searches thru her purse, finds her lipstick, puts it on.

I say, I’m sorry; I need you to get up.

She turns around looks at me and says, we are never coming back here and spending $800 dollars again. 

I say, I’m sorry to hear that, but you have a good day now. 

She gets up and moves to the end of the bar near stool #1. 

I follow her and say, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to move to away from the bar.  You need to move to the host area. 

She huffs and leaves, walking out the front door with her pint glass in her hand.

I don’t see her again. 

I go by the bar about 30 minutes later and the guy sitting at stool #1, says hello.  He’s there with his wife, and parents, they are very, very, regulars. 

I chat with them and apologize for the interaction they had to witness.

He says, when that happened I turned to my family and said, Jeff has always been nothing but gracious and kind with us, but I wonder if he has a side we haven’t seen when he is pushed. 

I chuckle and say absolutely.

I tell them about being told I’m a fucking bad manager.

He says, you should write these stories down and publish a book when you retire.

I laugh to myself. 

Yes.  Why yes I should. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Last night was an especially fun night.

We hosted an afterhours, after wedding party. 

We hosted one last year and it was great. 

Not one restaurant in our little town stays open till 1:00 a.m. any more.  Not one. 

We used to have a brew pub and a couple of other places that would stay open as late as legally possible. 

They all changed during the pandemic and they have never gone back to their old hours. 

This isn’t a problem, except that it leaves weddings with no place to go when the reception wraps up at 10:00. 

So, last year we were approached to stay open and host people after a wedding.  And we did it, and it was easy.

This year, we booked one of these parties and it was last night.

It should have been easy…

First, I should say we are not a late night venue.  We are an upscale restaurant which agreed to let people come to us at the end of the night.  We don’t have a dance floor.  We don’t have a fancy sound system.  We don’t have a late night venue. 

So the revelers are bussed in after the wedding.  No one is driving.

The first bus arrived at a little before 11:00.

I’ll repeat that they pay us a lot of money, for a 2 hour party.    They arrived at 11:00.  They have to leave at 1:00 or they are stuck five miles from their hotel as they buses do not come back. 

The bride and groom were the first in the door. 

We say our hellos.  I tell her I’m disappointed she is not in her wedding dress because that’s the best part of wedding events. 

We do all of this, and they go in to the bar.

90 seconds later the groom appears to ask about music. 

They had emailed me a month ago to tell me they’d be having a DJ at the after party and he’d need to be able to set up around 8:30. 

I emailed back and explained that that would not be happening.  First, no one was interrupting dinner service.  And the neighbors would shut the party down if the music was loud.  They responded saying that they’d bring a small speaker and make that work.

Seems that didn’t happen.

So the groom, who is a close talker, is now 3 inches from my face talking to me about our sound system.  He wants to email me a playlist to play.  I keep telling him that that won’t work. 

He keeps insisting that it will.

He emails me.  I log into my email on our I-pad.  But it won’t work, because I can’t access the playlist on SONOS. 

He then wants to plug his phone into our system.  I explain that we use SONOS so nothing is plugged in.  It’s access through wifi. 

He then wants the Wi-Fi password, and I explain that only chef has the SONOS Wi-Fi password and that won’t be happening. 

He literally, spend 25 minute of his after party trying to deal with music.

Finally he gives up and goes into the bar.  

And about 20 minutes later 2 bros appear.  Also close talkers. 

Yo.  Can we change the music?  Can we plug into the system?  Can you turn it up?  Can we, can we, we, in the most broy way possible.

It was when they said that not being able to log into the music system was stupid that I finally lost my cool and said, I’m tired of having this conversation.   They start backtracking, you we are just trying to help, we didn’t mean to be offensive, yada, yada, yada.  They backed off.

10 minutes later one of the same bros came up and said can I get the Wi-Fi password?  I replied we don’t have Wi-Fi (we don’t have public Wi-Fi.  Not even our employees have access to our wifi).  He said no seriously.  I said, I’m being serious.  We don’t have public Wi-Fi.

He replied that’s stupid too.  Saw my face and left. 

Here’s where the story gets fun. 

The bride and groom signed a contract before we agreed to host the event.

There was a liability section about people arriving without ID’s, arriving drunk and bringing outside liquor. 

I sent an email to them reminding them of the policies a week before the event.  They assured me everyone knew about the rules including the ID’s. 

We carded everyone who came in.  Even the people who were older.  My policy. 

The second bus arrives and a couple of people walk in with drinks in their hands.  I ask them to give them to me, and they reluctantly do. 

About 15 minutes later, a new group comes in. 

The host is checking ID’s when I notice a guy is holding a plastic cup.  I walk around to him and tell him I’ll need to take the drink.  He take a big swig thru the straw in a fuck you sort of way. 

I say to him again, I need the drink and he pushes his way outside and continues to drink the drink.  I say one last time, you need to give that to me and he finishes the drink. 

And I say, I hope you enjoyed that because you aren’t coming in now.

(My host pointed out later, he insisted on finishing his watered down drink, just before he went into a party with an open bar.  He could have had 10 more inside).

He looked at me like I was crazy. 

I repeated myself.  You are not coming in.  The bus is right about to leave, I’d get on it if I were you, because you are going to be stuck here and you are definitely not coming in. 

He starts to protest, and I say, you had your chance, and you made a decision not to comply so you aren’t coming in. 

He then tells me he traveled from Europe to be here and he’s coming in and I explain that in fact that’s not happening.

His friend starts to protest, and I cut him off and say, if you want to join him in not coming in you’ll drop it and leave it alone.  He starts to protest again and I repeat, keep it up and you won’t come in either. 

He starts to walk in and his girlfriend appears and she gets involved and I share my message again.  Drop it and go inside, or you can all go back to your hotel.

They move inside. 

The guy with the booze paces back and forth in the parking lot.  It’s clear he’s not used to being told no. 

I think it’s over, when who should appear but booze boy’s mother. 

She’s having NONE of this. 

She starts in. 

Have you told my son that he can’t come in?

I tell her yes.

She asks why.

I explain what happened. 

She says to me, we’ve traveled from Scotland and Germany to be here, it’s a cultural misunderstanding. 

I laugh, and say I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean but he’s an adult and should know better.

She tries once again to make me understand that it’s because he is from away, that it happened. 

I say, later to my host, that I wish I’d said at this point, he’s acting very American for someone from away.

She’s still not taking no for answer. 

She continues getting louder and more aggressive. 

I finally say to her, I was very clear with the contract the bride and groom signed that if any outside alcohol was brought in, it was grounds to end the party, send everyone home with no refund.

I look at the boy’s mother and say, this can either be over or I can let the bride and groom know that your son caused their party to be cancelled. 

She says something else smart, and I look at her and say, MY PARTY, MY RULES.

She scowls at me and says, YOUR PARTY HUH!

She left and I didn’t see either of them again. 

The only other thing of note was the drunk man who was standing in the kitchen window (we have an open kitchen) and reached through the window and took food off the platter that one of our chef’s was plating.  5 seconds later he did it again and our CHEF told him to knock it off.

I kind of wish he’d pinched him with his tongs which is what he does to the food runners when they lean on the window. 

And with that the night was over. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Update to the single diner woman from the other day.

Seems that after the host told her to she’d have to wait 10 minutes to be seated, she went back to the outside bar and checked in with the host. 

The host told her she could be seated, and so the woman said, will I be able to have my food, eat, and be out in 20 minutes. 

The host said probably not.

The woman was outraged, that it might take more than 20 minutes to get food and eat. 

That’s when she came back inside, to give me her opinion. 

If I’d known this I’d have suggested Burger King out by the highway. 

15 minute drive. 

5 minutes for food. 

And flame broiled.  Just like us. 

’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Let’s start with the good news tonight.

The restaurant has been killing it this summer.

KILLING IT!!!

The numbers we are doing are stupid.

In a good way.

Tonight was the easiest shift I’ve ever had and it we did 30 covers less than our busiest night ever and we could have easily handled many, many more people.

Today was the last day of July.

Chef and I spent some time chatting about the numbers for the month.

After we finished, I started diving deep.

We did almost 1,500 more covers this July than last July. And that resulted in an almost 40% increase in revenue. 40%!

And the people just keep coming.

And I love it. Love it. Love it.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

My favorite recent review: Trip Advisor:

Poor quality Bone-in Ribeye! The ribeye was very difficult to cut, because it was mostly comprised of hard gristle and fat. The quality of this beef was absolutely poor! I never leave a bad review, only complimentary. However, I am writing this review because the host/manager was extremely arrogant, smug, unprofessional and unaccommodating! Our waiter was excellent! I will never go here again, as there are many better restaurants in the area, and I would not recommend this restaurant!

I love getting compliments. Smug. Arrogant. Unprofessional. Unaccommodating.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Fun fact. A Ribeye has fat. It has gristle. It has a bone.

You should have ordered the filet.

That is all.

I’m going to arrogantly post this in all of my smugness.

Happy Reading.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I walked into the lobby behind a woman tonight.  She was walking out and I thanked her for coming in.

She turned and said, Oh I haven’t eaten yet. 

She then told me she had moved north of us but still belonged to the country club and so she comes down every so often.  Her friends have repeatedly told her to eat here.  So here she is.  She is about to sit down to eat by herself.

I get excited as I always do when someone is new.  I tell her to enjoy her meal and to check in with me before she leaves as I want to hear her feedback. 

And out the door she goes. 

I look up ten minutes later and she is back. 

She has decided she doesn’t want to eat outside after all.  The hosts tells her that she’ll be seated in just a few minutes.

I walk away.

A few minutes later the host comes to find me and says that the one had walked out of the restaurant angry.  Then came back, still angry and had asked for me saying, that I’d asked for feedback and she was going to give it to me.  UGH!!!

I get there and she says just that…then continues.

She is angry that the host told her that she’d have to wait 10 minutes to be seated. 

UKRAINE!

I stand there staring at her.

She continues.

She tells me all of the following.

She had arrived and wanted seats at the bar.  The host told her it was be just a minutes as someone was about to get up. 

The woman then says, well can I just get a table.  The host says, yes I can seat you in our gallery.  So the woman insists that she be shown to the gallery to approve of the table. 

They come back and the woman decides she might like to sit on the patio.

She goes out back and comes back about 6 or 7 minutes later and tells the host that it’s too hot and she’d like to be seated at the bar after all. 

The host tells her it will be about 10 or so minutes and the woman gets mad and goes back to the patio.

But alas, the table on the patio was sat after she went back inside.

She is inside now and is being told she’d have to wait 10 minutes and that’s outrageous. 

And this is where the problem starts.

The woman left and so the host sat someone else at the bar.   There is another opening but it’s going to be a few minutes.  The patio table was sat by me, with a walk in. 

The woman is outraged that we didn’t save a table for her.

She continues and continues.

I finally say, mam, I don’t understand the problem, 10 minutes isn’t so long to wait.  But I’ve already been here for 20 minutes. 

She keeps on, getting more and more worked up about how horribly she has been treated and how it’s completely unacceptable that she should be made to wait.

I repeat that 10 minutes isn’t a long time. 

She keeps going and finally says, I guess I’ll be seated now.

And I look at her, and say, uh.  You know what.  I think at this point everyone, including you would be happier if you ate elsewhere.  So I’m going to ask you to leave at this point. 

She was angry but left.

Here’s the thing.  She’d have never been asked to wait if she’d been willing to sit in any of the first three options she’d been given. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

When I worked across town for 5 years, I made lots of friends.  Summer regulars.  Winter regulars.  There we so many people I met over the years. 

I have reconnected with many of these people. 

There are three straight couples that I have not seen since I started. 

One couple was an older couple who lived in Mass.  They used to own a liquor store and had retired.  They came in every few months and were so sweet.   They once heard me say, we were having a wedding and the next time they came, they brought me very expensive bottle of bubbles.  They handed it to me and said congratulation!  They said that they’d heard me say I was having a wedding and had assumed that Adam and I were getting married.  I laughed and said no, the restaurant was hosting a wedding.  We all laughed and they told me to keep the bottle.  Adam and I had a great chuckle when we popped the cork, weeks later.

Another straight couple, were also from Mass.  I met them when I was managing the hotel as well.  They had come to visit, after the husband had had a heart attack at 53.  His doctor had told him to learn to relax.  So every few weeks they’d come up and visit, stay in the hotel and eat dinner with us.  They were so sweet.  They’d usually come without the kids but sometimes it was the whole family.  I have not seen them since I went back to work down there.

The last was a straight couple who started coming in when she rented a winter rental to use to write her dissertation.  She would sometimes come in every so often have a glass of wine and dinner.  Then when her husband came up from Boston, they’d come in together.  I watched her write, finish and defend her dissertation.  They were always so genuinely sweet to me.

So imagine my surprise when I looked up today to discover they were standing in my lobby.  It was their first time at the restaurant.  They were so kind and friends.  I gave them both big hugs and told them I’d been hoping for a year that they would come in.  She now teaches in Boston, they still live there but they’d eventually bought a summer home here.  They looked great.  We talked and talked.

I led them to their table, checked on them throughout and then bought them dessert.  At the end of the meal we all took a selfie and they asked for my number so we didn’t lose touch again.  When I sat down at the end of my shift I had four or five texts thanking me, with photos of the food and the selfie as well.

It was so great to see them and reconnect.  It truly made my night. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

This happened last night while I was on the door.

A male/female couple enter looking for a table. 

I say male/female because I realize I use the word couple all of the time and only clarify the sex if they are NOT straight.  Hmmm????

A straight couple walk in. 

The woman approaches and asks if I have room for two. 

I tell her to give me a second and I will see what I can do. 

I’ve said this before but it bears repeating.  And I say this to guests when they are staring at me. 

If you stare at me, while I’m working my brain ceases to work.  I can never find a place for you to sit if you stare at me.  I always say it’s like The Queens Gambit when she’s staring at the ceiling and the pieces are moving.  If you give me a second I’ll see the opening I need.  I’ll almost always find a way to make it work.  It’s never in my best interest to say no, butts in seats means more revenue for the night.

So I say to the woman give me a second and she says, what if I just stand here and bat my eyes at you.  Will that find me a table?

Without even thinking, I said probably not, but if you send your husband over to bat his eyes at me that might work. 

She laughed, and said he is kind of cute isn’t he.  (He was about my age, and fine, but not hot enough anymore to bat his eyes and get anything). 

She then says, I don’t think he can be bought, and then he pipes up and says, that might not be true, for enough money, he might be persuaded and I said, well I have 100 bucks in my pocket.

We all laughed and laughed.  And then the other host led them to a table. 

I still have my hundred bucks. 

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We open the doors at 4:50 today, as always.  We open early, to be able to seat more people right from the beginning.  Somedays, all of our 5:00’s are in by 4:55.  Tonight was not that night.

However, we were mostly in by 5:05. 

As we opened the inside doors, I head through the restaurant for one last check.  Imagine if you will, checking your props before the curtain goes up.  Making sure the TVs are on.  The music is on the right channel.  The candles are lit.  The olive oil and salts are aligned.  The A/C is on.  The Gallery is all set. 

I get to the patio, check in with everyone there.  All things on the patio are good. 

I am walking back into the dining room from the kitchen as a food runner approaches me.  Seems table 24 is not happy with their table.  I follow her to the host stand to assess what the problem is. 

They are a 4-top who’ve been taken to table 24, and they are upset that it is a table for 5 and they are only 4. 

Seriously.  One extra chair is just tooooo much. 

I ask the host, and she explains that there is nothing that she can do.  She can’t move them.  I don’t ask why, but I go to the table with the menus and say, that I’m sorry that this is the only table I have for them.

A woman scowls at me and asks if I’m serious. 

I assure her that I am.  She stares at me.  I stare at her.  She stares at me.  I stare at her.

They get seated and I tell them to enjoy their meal.

For the rest of their time at the table she glares at me every time I walk by. 

At the end of their meal, they tell the server that at least he was nice.

I was at the door when they left.  Her husband told me he loved his meal.  I thanked them all, but she just glared as she left.

So.

After I got them seated, I went to the host to find out what the problem was.  Why couldn’t they be moved to one of the 5 four tops that were not seated at the moment. 

She explains:

When they arrived they made it clear that they didn’t want a booth.  That takes 2 tables out of the question. 

Then she explains that the one of the tables that is open is scheduled for a 2-top and we hardly ever seat a 2 on a 5 top.  That’s one more table.

And the other 2 tables are 4 tops, BUT, they aren’t coming in till 5:30 and the 5 top has a 7:00 5-top reservation on it, which means that it has to be sat at 5:00 if they are to have time to finish their meals and be out by 7:00.  And this is one of 2 five tops we have, so there was truly not choice.

If they’d been willing to sit in a booth this would have been a nonissue. 

On my note pad I wrote Ukraine. 

They are at one of the nicest restaurants in one of the loveliest towns in New England.  They have the money to spend on an expensive dinner, on one of the nicest days we’ve had all summer.  They all appear healthy.  

And yet an extra chair has ruined their day.

I was prepared to say all of this if they complained on their way out.

They could literally be living in the basement of a bombed out building, without water or power with no help in site. 

I truly am sorry that I ruined their night.