I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Fun things from the last two days.

An 8 top shows up with 11 people. Who does this?

A 14 top shows up with three reservations.

A man who came to give us a quote on replacing our awnings came to dinner tonight. I was called to the table where his wife informed me our food was gross. Her word.

I was chastised for not having the previous restaurants seafood stew on the menu. This took 20 minutes of my evening.

My host was yelled at because our menu is not posted on line.

A man got upset because his 6 years olds house made adult size portion of pasta with butter was $24. I got vetoed on not serving it at all.

A woman sitting at the bar got upset because I couldn’t guarantee a window seat for a 7:30 reservation two weeks from now.

The awning guy was angry because he didn’t get a window table at 6:30.

A table yelled at me because their red wine was chilled. And suggested the temperature it should be set at. Which was 4 degrees colder than our wine fridge.

A woman got upset because she couldn’t have a booth. It was our only four top table left and it was waiting on a four top. She was a two top.

Another table asks if there are any window seats. There were not. They were sitting at the only open table.

A woman suggested we serve a seafood dish that her favorite seafood restaurant in Arizona serves.

A woman got angry because when you go to the website it says we are closed. It’s the old website. For the old business. We don’t own it. We can’t change it.

The police show up. Telling me they are about to tow a Maserati. It’s parked in front of a neighbors driveway. The woman is pissed when I find her. I tell her to take it up with the cop.

All in the last 24 hours.

How was your day.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Can I offer a piece of advice/suggestion/commentary?

Bread should be served complimentary to every guest. We shouldn’t have to ask for it. And it’s not a good look to charge for it.

You should really have regular shaped martini glasses. We don’t like coupes.

You should really serve soft shelled crabs.

You should really buy your oysters from the guys over there.

These flower arrangemts are just dust collectors.

The filet should be served with a garnish and a little side of vegetables.

You should have more than three desserts.

The bar should always be first come first serve.

The music should be more jazz less of this techno.

We shouldn’t have to ask for a window table.

Why don’t you serve a steamed lobster?

You should serve Fever Tree tonic not off the gun.

You need a better wine lists than this. There should be a big, buttery, okey Chardonnay from California.

We love seafood but what’s this ceviche, crudo, carpaccio stuff.

Your menu should be listed on line.

Your menu should offer onion strings.

Your menu should offer a blueberry smash.

You should save certain tables for locals.

Is this like the worst table in the restaurant.

You should fix the kitchen door I can see into the kitchen when it opens.

You shouldn’t turn this table at an angle. People want to sit across from each other.

Can I offer you some advice. You prices are to expensive and the entrees don’t come with anything.

Your bread is burnt. It tastes smoky.

It’s should not be called creamed spinach it should be called steamed spinach.

That was not pavlova. I make pavlova and that was not pavlova.

Why don’t you have steamers. Every Maine restaurant should have steamers.

It’s loud in here. It’s because of the windows. You should get coverings for them to dampen the sound.

We’d like to sit on the patio. What do you mean you don’t have a patio.

Why do I have to valet park?

The valet should be complimentary you shouldn’t charge to park. (It is).

You should offer take out for the locals.

You should offer happy hour for the locals.

Your servers should clear the tables so fast.

You should train your staff on gin.

Your food is too salty.

Your food isn’t seasoned enough.

The lamb chops are too small.

The mussels are too big.

The whole fish had the head.

I should be able to sit anywhere I like at the bar.

And I didn’t want to make the server cry but it should have been better.

I could go on. And on. And on.

Every night.

Can I offer some suggestions.

Tonight a woman said she was never coming back.

Worst dining experience every.

I suggested that was a might strong statement for a three week old restaurant.

She back pedaled all the whole telling me she lived here.

Well

For a couple of weeks each year.

Would you like to make some suggestions.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

We are moving fast through the summer!!!

Fast I tell you!

But.

Not fast enough.

Tonight was a fun one.

Since we took on the new restaurant I’ve joked that it’s 1.2 miles away from the old restaurant.

It’s 4.5 minutes, driving 25 mph.

Until tonight I’ve never been summoned.

Around 7:30 my phone rings.

I’ve told my staff to call because I might not hear a text.

Unfortunately I can’t answer as I’m trying to get our new bartender out of the weeds.

6 or 7 minutes later I call back.

My host answers and says that a party of 4 men (she gives me the name, because I know them) has been causing trouble.

They came to the outside bar and were upset that the bartender wouldn’t serve them. He was busy and he said they were already drink.

They arrived with solo cups.

In the middle of this conversation I get a text.

It’s Chef saying, I need you here ASAP.

I tell the host I’m on my way.

I tell the bartender that I’m going to the other restaurant and head to my car.

Fun fact.

We have a valet at the new restaurant who parks my car for me so I don’t have to walk.

Tonight I picked up my keys and got it myself.

I head to the new restaurant being careful not to speed.

The cops are tough around here.

I get there and the foursome are in the parking lot.

I get out and the guest says hello.

And I probably came in stronger than I should have but I say that they are unfortunately not going to be able to dine with us.

I’m told that they spoke to chef and all is good.

I say I’ll be right back.

I go to the kitchen window and it’s confirmed that he spoke with them but I should check with the outside team and see what they have to say.

I go out and am told they’d been cursing and aggressive and generally not nice.

I ask the hosts. The food runner. The bartender.

All the same story.

I go back to the parking lot, where I’m told they have decided not to dine with us anyway.

At which point one of the guys decides to let me know how bad I am at my job. I thank him for this

And the guy I know is stomping around cursing and angry.

And it becomes clear that the staff was not lying.

They guy criticizing continues. I should have soothed things over and apologized for the staffs issue.

I finally say based on this behavior that I’ve made the right decision to not let them dine.

They continue to criticize.

I repeat myself that I was right.

I go back in and check in with everyone

When I go back to my car they are still spewing.

I drive away.

I get to the new restaurant. Park. Go in.

I immediately go to the bar to dim the lights.

A threesome at the bar asks what that was about.

I start to explain but am interrupted by a server.

She lets me know that table 21 was angry at her.

They had ordered a bottle of wine, and now that it was open and they were drinking it, they insisted it was the wrong bottle.

She and another server explain their confusion, but confirm that it’s the right wine.

Fun fact: I’m bad at wine. I love, love, love drinking it. But there is no room in my brain for regions and varietals, and grapes, and blends, and tasting notes, and prices.

I’m the same with bourbon.

Love the product. Not the knowledge.

I send the server back with the information she needs.

She’s back three seconds later telling me that she’d been told to just stop talking, they’d heard enough. She was wrong and she was making it worse.

I’m at the table 20 seconds later.

I introduce myself and ask if I can help.

The man at seat four defers to his son at seat 2.

Seems he is a wine guy. He repeatedly told the server this.

He explains that they received the wrong wine. He continues but I stopped listening.

When he finishes I say, but you were presented with the wine, you tasted the wine, you approved the wine, the wine was poured and now you are drinking the wine.

I’m confused as to where the mistake was discovered

The man at seat 4 says his son discovered it, but he’s the one who tasted it.

I follow up with, but you are still drinking it.

He holds up his finger and says you are right. You are right. You are right. Usually the customer is right but tonight you are right.

He dismisses me.

30 minutes later he pays the bill at the bar.

He leaves the check there.

And he left 15 dollars on a 350 tab.

Fuck him.

I take 20 dollars out of my wallet and put it in the check presenter.

The threesome at the bar sees me and adds 30 bucks.

And now for the end of the story.

The bartender at the new restaurant got beat up tonight.

But all 9 guests at the bar at the end of the night were friends.

I got hugs and handshakes from all of them.

And I told them all that that that was exactly what I needed at the end of this particular night.

Hugs for everyone.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight around 7:00 a woman comes in and checks in for her reservation.

She reminds us that she has asked for a window table.

I apologize and say we had her scheduled to be at a window table but that table is still seated.

She says she’s going out to wait for her friends.

Meanwhile, the table we’d plan to put her at leaves.

We get it cleared and bussed and when she comes in she is excited to get the window seat.

The host seats her.

6 minutes later I walk through the dining room and I see that they have pulled the shade on the window blocking 75% of the view.

What can you say?

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Tonight I was walking through the dining room when a woman’s purse fell off the back of her chair.

I picked it up and handed it to her.

They were waiting on entrees and I said, you know after working in NYC for years I still catch myself not telling people not to leave their bags and purses hanging on their chairs. One second they’re there. Another they are gone.

The woman’s husband says it can happen anywhere.

I say yes but not as often as it did in New York.

He looks me in the eye and says it’s because Mainers carry guns.

I look back at him.

He gets a weird look in his eye and says.

Mainers carry guns and we know how to use them and we aren’t afraid to use them.

It was weird. And sinister. And completely uncalled for.

And to be honest I felt uneasy till they finally left an hour later.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I come out of the kitchen tonight and see someone I know. We converse for a few minutes and I realize there is a couple speaking with the host who are obviously waiting on me.

I approach and ask if I can help.

They are looking for an 8 top on Thursday night.

I echo what the host had told them that the most we can accommodate is 7.

He wants to know why.

I try to explain but he interrupts to ask if it’s because we don’t have availability.

I explain that no it’s because we don’t have a table that hold 8 people.

He then wants to know if the can just pull two tables together.

I say no.

He wants to know if they can have two separate 4 top reservations and I say no.

He wants to know why.

I try to explain but he just keeps getting louder and louder.

He then begins the inevitable speech about how we are turning away business.

He continues to get louder.

The woman who is with him asks three times if the can come in and just put their name on the wait.

I explain that we don’t run a wait list. We either have room for you. Or we don’t.

I explain this three times.

She doesn’t understand.

Finally they huff out but not before saying they’ve been told no by every restaurant the last two days.

I want to ask if this is a surprise trip to Maine? Or did you know 4 months ago and just not plan.

But I don’t.

I did explain to him why he don’t just take separate reservations and he kept telling me I was silly.

And I wanted to say my silliness is based on reality.

I’m also tired on explaining myself.

Businesses have rules.

The end.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I was driving home tonight and head my phone ding.

A text message.

I am tempted to look but I wait till I get to Portland.

I am at a light waiting for it to turn green and I peek.

It’s from Adam.

It says:

Ok babe. I’m going to sleep. I miss you.

And it makes me sad.

Sad that I didn’t make it home before he turned off the light.

Sad that I probably won’t see him awake until Monday night.

Sad that I probably won’t get a hug till Tuesday.

We have chosen the lives we have.

We both like our jobs.

And we know we are lucky to have found these paths.

But there are times when I wonder why?

Can I just be the greeter at Walmart and work a few hours a week?

We love each other.

And it makes putting in these summer hours tolerable.

But I could have used a hug tonight.

For no other reason than to hug my boyfriend!

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

5:30 arrives and with our first wave of reservations.

We seat the first couple of them, and a couple come in.

They have a reservation for 4, they are the first to arrive.

The host takes them in.

She comes back 90 seconds later asking if they can sit at table 43 instead.

I tell her no.

She goes back in.

Meanwhile a couple I know arrive and I take them in to sit.

I seat them and the man is still chatting with the host.

I ask if I can help.

He asks about table 43 and wants to know why he can’t sit there.

I explain that it’s reserved for a group that comes in every other Wednesday night.

This does not make him happy.

I tell him that I can offer him table 54 or table 32.

He wants to see table 32.

We walk over and this doesn’t make him happy.

He begins to talk at me about how far he’s come and that he’s traveled from Virginia and demands we give him a table a view.

The table I sat while they were discussing the table indicates that they’ll move, but only I can see them.

I tell them no with my eyes.

Meanwhile, he asks about table 25.

I say, that I can give him table 25.

His wife approaches and decides that table 32 will do.

The host seats them.

Their friends join them.

About 20 minutes later, the couple who I gave the no eyes to, stop me to comment about how rude the guy was being. They were just trying to make my life easier.

I told them that I don’t reward bad behavior.

Fast forward to 6:45.

The guy comes into the lobby to go to the restroom.

He approaches the host stand and says, you know there are tables we could have sat at, that are still empty.

I say to him that it’s almost 7:00 and I have reservations that will be sitting there.

He said that I could have told them that and they’d have finished.

I tell them that that would have been rude and we don’t rush tables.

He goes into the restroom.

When he comes out he wants to continue but some one is waiting for the restroom.

He grunts at me and goes back to his table

Around 7:15 the foursome gets up and heads toward the door.

I brace myself.

The two wives and the friend that joined them approach and say everything was wonderful.

The bitchy guy lingers letting his group exit to the parking lot.

As soon as the door closes, he starts.

The food was great. The service was great.

But I ruined the evening. He said a couple of more things then points his finger at me and says you fucked up.

I say, excuse me, how did I fuck up?

He points again and says like I said you fucked up. You fucked up big time.

And he leaves.

I occurs to me that he waited for his group to leave so they would not see him make a scene.

So I follow him into the porch and say, you know sir. There was no way I could have known the four if you would eat in 90 minutes. But I do know that there was no reason for to to be rude to me and curse at me, and doing it after your guests left so you wouldn’t embarrass them.

He said something else and I turned and went back inside.

It felt like Sofia had put an evil curse on me with the pointing and cursing.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

People are evil.

People are horrible.

And if there is karma they’ll be punished.

Last week I wrote about table 21.

They called me a bastard.

They called me fat.

They called me a pussy.

They yelled and behaved like a spoiled 6 year old.

Over the weekend we had two no show reservations.

One on Friday.

One on Saturday.

Because I wasn’t on the door I knew the party size and did not pay attention to the name.

Unfortunately, both reservations were assigned to the same server.

Tonight I was on the door.

And I gave the server the best section.

And what would you know 7:30 comes and goes and another no show.

So I look at the last two days and realize they’ve been made by the same person.

And then I get a hunch and check the phone number from last Wednesday.

What would you know.

The reservation last Wednesday and the no shows all have a 303 area code.

It’s clear they think they are causing us to lose money.

What sucks is it’s not really hurting us. It’s hurting the server.

I give this some thought.

Then I pick up the phone and call the person from last Wednesday.

She picks up.

I say, You all are special. Your little prank isn’t hurting the restaurant. It’s hurting hard working staff that are just try to pay their rent. If this doesn’t stop I will make it a police matter.

I hung up.

I was fucking angry.

What I didn’t realize was that a three top had walked in.

He said you tell ‘em.

I apologized.

They made a joke.

And got seated.

When they left he made a point of telling me how great it was that I defended my staff.

I’m still pissed.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Twice tonight I had the same conversation.

Basically they say I’m older than you and you wouldn’t understand.

I say I bet not.

How old are you?

The first person: 61.

The second person: 60.

I follow up by saying my high school 40 year reunion is this year.

I’m old! Trust me.

But I do appreciate the compliment.