Tonight a couple was in for dinner. They had requested the chef’s table when they made the reservation.

I made it for them on Sunday.

They had sat on the patio for dinner.

At the end of the meal they’d requested a copy of the new cookbook. We have a million of them, but they wanted a signed one.

We’d just run out of autographed ones.

I offered to get it signed then they could pick it up later in the week.

That turned into they should just come back for dinner.

And that happened tonight.

And back they were.

They got their dinner.

They got their cookbook.

I went back at the end to say good night.

And then I remembered that they were moving to Florida. Which is why getting the book now was important.

I chatted with them for a while.

They’d moved here a couple of years ago. They have no real friends or family here. There is no reason to come back.

They were moving to Florida for work. I mentioned that we might open a location there in a few years. That led to excitement.

I chatted with them for awhile.

I finally had to get back to work. I gave them my card. Told them to keep in touch and I said good-bye.

And I was taken back to 2nd grade when my scoutmaster, Mr. Flagg moved away with his family at the end of the school year. The realization that I was never going to see these nice people again.

And it made me sad.

I didn’t know them well, but I’ve talked to them every few weeks since I started.

I don’t like goodbyes.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I knew last night that when I posted that I hadn’t taken any notes I’d regret it today.

My day today started just like any other.

Got there at 1:10. I was late today.

Answered a million and two phone calls.

Returned a few messages.

Answered way to many emails.

Had an interview with a potential new server.

Scarfed my lunch standing at a high top.

Pre-shift. (More on that later).

It’s 4:45. Candles lit. Lamps on. Music on. Unlock the doors. Here we go.

We sat 60 people at 5:00 tonight. Between 4:50 and 5:00.

In the summer and busy nights we try to open early to ease the blow of the first push. 90% of the time we are all in on 5:00 reservation before 5:00.

Tonight, a lot of people got there early.

I get the inside going.

Now out to the patio to make sure they are good to go.

There is one table seated.

I’m standing talking to the host, when a gaggle of folks walk up.

I whisper to her. I hope I didn’t fuck up and forget to put a large party reservation in the book.

They arrive at the outside host stand.

You’ll never guess.

Yes. It’s a large party.

That made 2 four top reservations. 1 five top reservation.

13 people.

They have approached the host stand saying they want to sit together.

Ugh.

No. Just no.

The host starts to move things around.

I gently pull the I-pad away from her and start moving things around myself.

I know it’s a dick move, but I hate, hate, hate people who play the system.

I explain to them that they can’t sit together. They will be at 3 different tables. 3 different servers.

They ask why.

The host answers. She’s very gentle with them.

I get everything situated.

They start seating the tables. A 5 top at table L-2. A 4 top at L15. A 4 top at L17.

That’s taken care of.

At least I thought.

A server appears to ask if the 2 four tops can move closer.

I say yes, but then realize they are moving 2 tables into one servers section.

I send the host over, she’d more delicate than me and she moves L-15 back. Moves L17 to the table next to them.

They then decide to be difficult NOT to order anything for 45 minutes, not even a drink while they decide if they are staying.

They do end up staying. They end up eating. They end up being there almost 3 hours.

And this gets to the gist of the story.

One of my hosts, who happens to be new says, I didn’t realize this until yesterday, but if you have to move one thing, it sets off a chain of events that effects the whole night.

The butterfly effect.

And this is absolutely the truth.

We do NOT have a large restaurant.

Tables are a commodity.

I spend 30 minutes to an hour before the staff gets there moving things around. Trying to accommodate requests. Making sure all the servers have approximately the same number of covers. Making sure that Jen doesn’t get 3 four tops at 5:00 and that Beth doesn’t get any tables until 5:45. I also check to make sure that each table is allotted its certain amount of time. A 2 top gets 90 minutes. a 3 top an hour, forty-five. 4’s and 5’s get 2 hours. 6 and 7’s get 2.5 hours. And all other parties get 3.

I do this most days before my team gets there.

My host team checks my math. They continue to move things all night to keep numbers comparable. Constantly adding numbers together to see where everyone is for the night. Moving things around to try to be equitable.

And the other problem with 3 four top reservations sitting together is that as I just said, if they sit together they’ll definitely not get up in 2 hours. They will be there for at least 3 hours and the tables I booked behind them will suffer the consequences.

So no. You can’t sit together.

Sorry.

Call the restaurant and follow the rules.

I took absolutely no notes from tonight’s shift.

No issues.

No stubborn people.

No angry mobs.

I did hear an endearing story from a guest.

I chatted with some employees at the end of the night.

It truly was a great night.

So with that.

I’ll say good night!

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

A woman called today to make a reservation for 14 people.

I told he that if she emailed me the details I’d send her our menu, and availability.

She protested saying that her diners are too diverse.

I say that unfortunately we would only take the reservation if they order off the family style menu.

She insist that wouldn’t work. Perhaps we could do an 8 and a 6. I explain that unfortunately we couldn’t do that.

She continues to protest.

I continue to insist we can’t do it.

She continues.

This time I say, Im terribly sorry but we can’t accommodate you and hung up.

The phone immediately rings again.

I answer.

She tells me that I am rude and says, and I quote, I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I say okay.

Put the phone on mute count to 20, unmute the phone and say, hello this is Jeff how may I help you?

She launches into how rude the host she spoke to was.

I listen.

She insists I make the two reservations.

So I tell her I can do the 8 at 8:00.

I can do the 6:00 and 5:30.

She books the 8.

And hangs up.

I’ll never understand why so many people can’t understand the word no.

It’s our restaurant. Our rules. We don’t do these things to turn away business.

As we learned on Monday.

They’ll arrive as 2 parties then insist they sit together.

The answer is always no.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

As I mentioned last night, yesterday was kids night.

Around 7:00 a server comes to me saying that their table has requested a paper plate and a sippy cup with a straw for their toddler.

I laugh and laugh. We are ver explicit about not having a kids menu.

About not having high chairs.

About not having booster seats.

No one seems to think we are serious.

They show up with four kids under the age of six and are upset when we have none of those things.

I’m never sure what to say.

Around 9:30 tonight I was sitting at the chef’s table chatting with the chef when a chocolate soufflé was put in front of me. At the same time a server walked up with their end of night report. She asked what the occasion for the dessert was and the chef said ,”oh it’s his birthday”. She immediately announced that it was my birthday and begins to sing. 2 seconds later everyone in the bar and all the staff is singing happy birthday to me. While the chef laughed and laughed and laughed. I’m still not sure the staff knows it was NOT my birthday. It was delicious by the way!

This is a story from a year ago. My first difficult guest at my new job. I posted this on Facebook a year ago.

Tonight a woman sent her steak back insisting that she ordered a ribeye not the steak she was given. She was apologized to and we got her a ribeye. As it was a recook I ran it to the table. When I got there I started to set it down and her husband began to complain that he was finished and SHE turns to me and says this IS going to be comped. Right? And I immediately had flashbacks to 1987 working in Atlanta when guests would tell us to get a comp form as they weren’t paying. So I looked at the woman and said of course it was not being comped. She looked shocked. And I said okay and walked a way with her steak still in my hand. The server was convinced the whole thing was a scam and that she never preferred a ribeye in the first place. Meanwhile: if you go to Macy’s and get pants and they don’t fit you take them back. But you don’t get them for free.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale. A tale of a fateful night.

Dear Readers: This is going to be a long but very true account of my evening tonight.

We were quiet tonight. I don’t know if it was the rain during the day, whether people are coming next weekend, if something else was going on, but we were very, very quiet.

We’d also closed the patio because the forecast predicted rain until around 8:00 tonight, which never happens when I close the patio the day before. I do this every year early on, learn my lesson and don’t do it again.

It is also my Friday. The sixth day of a very long week. I have one foot out the door for the weekend already. I’m ready for 24 hours off. I can’t wait.

The night begins and the first thing of note was that it was kid’s night. At 6:00 there were 17 children under the age of 6 in the dining room. There were also way too many babies. We own 2 high chairs and we post that we don’t have any. Everyone was angry because we didn’t have one for their children.

The rest of the evening was quite boring to be sure. There is nothing wrong with these nights. Everyone going about their business. No recooks. No service issues. Just a mundane quiet night. I’d actually commented to my host Megan that it was too easy of a night.

It was like when the sky becomes quiet just before a storm. A tornado of a storm. It’s just a little too quiet for its own good.

We had a VIP table in tonight sitting at the chef’s table. Turns out I knew one of the people at the table. I was also checking in with them to make sure they were enjoying themselves. I was standing at the table chatting when the host taps me on the shoulder.

She says, “I have a host emergency.”

I chuckle, thinking it’s a person who doesn’t have a reservation, who thinks they do, and we’ll have to fix it.

I was very wrong.

She pulls me aside and says there are 12 people in the lobby waiting to be sat. They do not have a reservation for 12. They instead made 3 reservations for 4 people. They are now insisting they be seated together.

I get to the lobby and a man approaches me.

He is irate, but trying to be calm. He’s insisting that we find a way to seat the 12 of them together. I explain that this can’t happen.

He tells me he’s gone in to the restaurant and there are tables they can sit next to each other.

I explain that this can’t happen and that if they wanted a reservation for 12 people they should have called the restaurant and let us know.

He explains that they did this but decided that the special menu we use for large parties was too expensive for them.

I say that I’m sorry, but there is no way that they can sit together. He now gets irate, and continues to protest.

I go to the I-pad. He’s still talking at me.

I decide I’m done. He played the system, thinking he’d get what he wanted and he was caught.

I moved their reservations around seating them as far apart from each as I could. Maybe not something I’m proud of but he was pissing me off.

The hosts seat the other people who are waiting, as it’s 7:00, and then begins to seat the 3 four tops.

I’m watching all of this from the wait station.

She seats the last table, and I walk away. Thinking this is all behind me.

How foolish I was.

The host comes and finds me to let me know he wants to see me, and that he has asked table 23 to move to another table so that he and his friends can sit together.

I’m really annoyed now. Bordering on angry.

He approaches me, pointing to two tables that have now become empty and says, we can pull those two tables together and 6 of us can sit with each other.

I explain that we have reservations on those tables. He continues to try and convince me.

I say once again that this is not happening. The tables are reserved, it is mapped out and it’s not going to change.

Truth be told, it would have screwed one server who would have lost a table all together, AND we NEVER pull tables together in the Main Dining Room. NEVER. We have lots of places to seat large parties and we restrict them to those areas.

He gets seriously visibly angry at me and says we are about to spend $1,000 here and we should be treated better.

I laugh, and say not likely with six kids, but okay, you are still not sitting together.

He storms off.

They sit.

4 adults at one table.

2 adults and 2 kids at another table.

And 4 kids at another table.

The first thing we did was remove the lamp from the table with the kids as they are playing with it.

Each table has a different server. Things are moving along. I say to the host, I can’t wait to see how this plays out when they leave.

Every night at the end of the night, I grab my laptop and take a seat at the chef’s table. I can catch up on emails that came in during service, often to request a large party reservation. I also, sit there to do tips, and chat with guests and staff as the evening ends.

I am sitting at one table. Chef and his son are seated at the other table eating dinner.

I’m engrossed in an email, when I’m slapped on the back and I look up startled as a man slams three receipts on the table loudly screaming at me, “We told you we were going to spend a 1,000 dollars tonight.”

I was startled. And then I was pissed.

I look at him and think to myself what the fuck and he repeats himself.

I get up, ignore him, walk into the middle of the dining room where they are all milling about, and raise my voice and say, “ALL OF YOU. OUT. WE ARE DONE HERE. YOU ALL NEED TO GET YOUR THINGS AND GO.”

They protest, and I say it again. THIS IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION ALL OF YOU OUT!!!

Now they are angry, but starting to leave.

The leader of the group stops in front of me to tell me all of the ways I’ve fucked up.

I hold my ground. Trying to explain that they played the system and got caught. They booked 3 tables, we delivered on our promise and gave them 3 tables.

He tells me I ruined his 46 birthday. He’s now shouting at me.

I went to my calm place. I remember very early in my life having my mother say to me never lose your temper when you are in a fight. The person who loses their temper loses the fight.

I was calm. But loud.

He’s continuing to shout at me about all the ways I fucked up. All the ways he should have been treated better since he was spending money. All the things.

Around this time he begins to tell me he works for Adidas. I still don’t have any idea why it mattered, but I asked him if he lets his clients make up their own rules and he insists that he does.

Then his wife gets involved telling me she runs a pharmaceutical company. I have no idea why this matters but they aren’t getting any quieter.

Then they ask if I’m the manager. I say yes.

They then ask if the owner is here. I say yes. They ask to see him. I start to say he’s not here, when guess what he’s standing right behind me and HE IS PISSED.

He shouts at them, NO ONE LAYS HANDS ON MY STAFF. YOU NEED TO GO NOW BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE.

In a very thick Argentinian accent.

They continue to shout. He continues to say get out.

He says if they continue he’ll pull up the video, we have lots of cameras, and he’ll make it a legal issue.

They continue.

He then says, FINE. AND GOES INTO THE LOBBY TO CALL THE POLICE

At this point the guy who hit me on the back has left.

But Mr. Adidas is continuing to tell me he works at Adidas. He still telling chef how horribly he’s been treated. Chef continues to say he doesn’t care they need to go.

They continue to protest. Telling chef that I laughed when they said they’d spend a $1,000. That I said this is the way it’s going to be.

He is calm now. But not having it.

They say I ruined his birthday.

He says they should have made a reservation for 12. He’s happy that they spent money, but they can’t treat his staff that way.

I have forgotten to mention they keep reminding us that they spent a $1,000. Lots of people spend that much money in my restaurant without being a dick.

Everyone but the man and woman leave.

They continue.

They start to leave, chef turns to leave and I turn to follow and I might have rolled my eyes.

And the wife screams at me, in her French Canadian accent (did I mention that yet), DON’T DO THAT WITH YOUR FACE. DON’T DO THAT WITH YOUR EYES.

The husband joins in.

DON’T DO THAT WITH YOUR EYES. YOUR FACE.

The next five minutes is them telling me all the ways they are good at their pharmaceutical and Adidas jobs and all the ways I’m bad at my job.

At one point I look at them and say, I’m very good at my job.

They laugh and continue to yell at me.

Finally they leave as the man screams FUCK YOU at me as he leaves.

Fuck has been their favorite word during this whole exchange.

As I turn to go back to my table, a couple celebrating their anniversary are leaving. I apologize to them. The woman laughs and says she missed the whole thing. Her husband had come back to the table and says you need to see what’s happening in the lobby but it was over by the time she got there.

They leave.

I go into the dining room. I approach table 25.

I apologize.

The woman in seat 3 says, OH NO. I need the TEA!

I look at her and say excuse me?

She says I need the TEA?

I say, do you watch Rupaul’s Drag Race?

She says you know I do.

We then have a moment about Jinx Monsoon.

Then I explain what the whole affair was about.

They are annoyed at the pretension and entitlement.

They actually thought it was because all 6 of their kids were running around being a pain in the ass.

We chat for a bit. 2 of the 4 of them are from San Diego. I mention that I went to school at UCSD. Turns out one of them works at the Geisel Library at UCSD. They are out scouting places so they can move to the East Coast.

I go back to the chef’s table. For the first time in two weeks, I ask the bartender to make me a bourbon drink.

I take a big gulp and get back to my evening.

About 3 minutes later a platter of chicken fingers appears for the staff that is left.

I stick to my bourbon.

When everyone leaves, I look at chef and say thank you for having my back.

He says, I would have had your back even if you were wrong. And

you weren’t.

That’s why I work there friends.

.

That’s why I work there.

We have lots and lots of people come thru our door.

Tonight my host pointed out something I knew but needed reminding of.

Every day people come to the host stand on their way out.

And I engage them.

My favorite question: are you from here or away?

They answer.

But many times they say:

We live in Western Mass, we have a house on The Cape, but we visit twice a year.

If they own a house on The Cape they always manage to work it into the conversation.

Akways.

We are from New Hampshire, we have a house on The Cape but we visit here when we can.

She’s hears it 100 times a day at her day job.

And she’s right. They always say it.

At 7:45 tonight a 8:15 reservation called to cancel.

They let the the host know it was because we were a meat forward restaurant and didn’t have enough vegetarian options.

The host asoured them we had lots of salads and sides that were completely vegetarian.

They ended up canceling the reservation.

They booked three weeks ago.

They didn’t realize we were a steak house until 30 minutes before their reservation.

I charged them $100 for cancelling their reservation.

I can’t wait for the phone call tomorrow.