I’ve probably gotten over a 1,000 messages since I started my current job.

999 of them have all been a version of I’d like a table for 3 on Saturday night.

But every so often one stands out.

My favorite was a woman who called to make a reservation.

She started asking about a table, then got distracted.

Then the call went way off the tracks.

The woman begins to yell at the man I can hear in the background. She’s vicious. Fuck you. Fuck this. Don’t be so fucking stupid.

It got worse from there.

And it went on and one.

I listened for about six or seven minutes then hung up.

I didn’t erase it.

I recorded about 2 minutes on my phone, so I could prove it happened.

Then I erased it.

I wish now I’d gotten the number from caller I’d and looked them up in our reservation system.

But alas, I’ll never know who they were.

The phone rings around 5:45 today.

I pick up.

Hello. I’d like to make a reservation for 4 on Saturday.

Okay. Let me take a look.

After about 15 seconds I reply, unfortunately the only thing I have for 4 on Saturday would be at 8:30.

We’ll that’s interesting.

….

…..

Would you like to make the reservation?

You mean you don’t have anything else open? I don’t understand…

I’m sorry but we are full earlier in the evening.

What about at the bar.

I can do 2 people around 5:15 but nothing for 4.

I seriously don’t understand.

Yes. We are booked.

….

….

That’s really interesting that you won’t give me a reservation.

I’m sorry.

….

….

….

Okay then thanks for calling.

Lots of people eat out.

Lots of people use the restroom while they are out to eat.

But.

Did you know that if there are two of you at the table and you both want to go to the restroom before you leave… you can go at the same time.

There is no need to hold the table you are vacating an extra ten, fifteen, even twenty minutes.

You both put your napkins on your table.

You push your chair back, stand up, and leave the table.

At the same time.

We are not pushing you out.

But you’re finished. You’ve paid. Your leftovers are boxed.

Help everyone out by leaving your table together.

That’s all.

That’s my ted talk.

As expected we were very busy this weekend.

Summer numbers on Saturday, even with all the 2 tops.

And as expected we sold lots and lots and lots of filets.

And as expected we also had Wagyu filets that looked amazing. I didn’t get to taste one though.

I asked everyone their guess for how many and the grand total was 112.

And the winner was Henry who was right on the mark.

He wins a pat on the back and a big congratulations !!!

When I was hired I was told I’d get two weeks off at Christmas and Super Bowl Sunday off

Traditionally it’s a very slow day for business. Even in a bar. We all tend to watch the game at home or with friends where we can have the volume on and relax.

The day after the Super Bowl is absolutely the slowest day. The first year I was a GM we did 400 dollars in sales on that Monday.

The next year we closed and hosted our staff party on that Monday.

Imagine all of our surprise when we realized that the Super Bowl was a week later and the day before Valentine’s Day.

Ugh.

No. We did not want to be open, but absolutely knew we had to be.

Ugh.

The night was busy for a Sunday in February.

Of all of our tables tonight only four of them had more than 2 people.

The night went great. I was worried about the turns. It was very tight. 90 minute turns on every 2-top.

It went off without a hitch.

Our last reservations were on time.

Orders were in quick.

The restaurant emptied pretty quickly.

We were all surprised at the end of the night to see the kitchen still cooking.

The chef pulled me aside and let me know we were going to have a little Super Bowl party.

As the fourth quarter started he sent food out to the chef’s table. As people finished they grabbed a plate, and got a drink and sat down to watch the end of the game.

It was great seeing everyone relax and enjoy themselves.

It was a nice way to reward the team for having to work on what would normally have been a day off.

We have a good team. They worked tirelessly this weekend on what was the busiest weekend we’ve had since December.

I hope they know they are appreciated.

I took a page of notes on potential posts tonight.

14 different potential posts.

I said to my hosts, when we are busy the hits just keep coming.

You all got the filtered version.

Tonight a man called and said:

I just got a call confirming my reservation for tomorrow night.

So I’m calling to confirm my reservation.

Uh. Okay.

I wanted to say, yes. The text confirmed your reservation. No need to call as well.

Also had a woman show up and said she had a reservation for Jane Smith.

I don’t have it.

She shows me her confirmation text.

I look up her reservation with her phone number.

She had cancelled her reservation at 4:15.

She insisted that she had not.

Luckily it was at 5:00 and I could squeeze her in.

Hi we have a reservation for 2 at the bar at 7:30.
If we come early so you have a cocktail bar we could wait at?

It’s 6:00.

Yes! We have a completely different bar for cocktails separate from the dinner bar.

WTF?

Every night people walk in to the restaurant.

I say hello. How are you?

And they walk up and say, hi we have a reservation for four.

And then go silent.

Uh. Should I guess your name?

Or they say John.

I have 17 John’s with a reservation. Do I have to guess which one?

Or they say hi this is Sarah Smith.

Uh. Would it be under a different name?

No Sarah Smith.

Are you sure?

Oh I’m sorry John made the reservation check his name.

Or they say hi we have a reservation for Sarah Smith.

Uh. I don’t have a Sarah Smith.

I swear I have a reservation. Here’s the text you sent me!

Could it be under a different name?

No. Sarah Smith.

How about Sarah Dumbowsky?

Oh yeah. I forgot. That’s my maiden name.

I could continue this for ten more pages with examples of people not knowing their names.

We were busy tonight.

Summer busy.

We did the same number of covers we’d do inside in the summer. Only they were mostly 2-tops. 76 of them to be exact.

Every deuce had a 90 minute turn.

And we were booked all the way up till close.

We did have many people show up without a reservation. We squeezed them in when we could.

So I was not surprised when at 5:45 three women walked into to the lobby without a reservation.

I recognized one of the womn from previous visits but I couldn’t tell you her name.

She comes up to the desk and says she and her friends are there for drinks and snacks.

At this point we’ve sat out complete first turn. The dining room is cranking.

We are full.

I explain that I won’t have anything free till 8:30.

She clearly doesn’t like this.

How about at the bar?

The empty stools are for a 6:30 reservation.

A table?

8:30.

She is rambling. And I’m becoming more aware that she and her friends are probably on their fourth or fifth drink at this point.

They are drunk.

They continue to push.

Can we go to the bar and then sit in the lobby. At the couch. Over there. Over here.

I’ve now decided they aren’t staying.

Even if something miraculously opens the answer is no.

Turns out two of the friends are visiting from Houston.

So finally the woman from here, asks if she can at least show her friends around.

I say of course.

The phone rings. I answer. She goes into the dining room.

I get off the phone and realize one of the friends has stayed behind.

She then drunkenly launches into a conservative tirade about how Portland is a shit hole. They pay homeless people to be homeless. We build high rise after high rise for the poor just like San Francisco. We give drugs to addicts on the street. And the city is festering with crime. (None of this is an exaggeration. She’s talking to my other host and I’m taking notes).

She then turns and says to me, hey look they are talking to the chef.

I realize the other two are standing at the food pass chatting with the chef.

Uh oh.

We are in the middle of the turn. He is fucking busy.

I head toward the pass and interrupt.

I hear him say you’ll need to check with him, meaning me.

They turn to me and say he says we can sit on the couch.

I say, you wait in the lobby and I’ll see what I can do.

I explain after they walk away that they are hammered and not getting served.

I go back to the lobby, prepared to shut the whole conversation down with your drunk I can’t serve you.

Instead i told them no one more time and they left.

I find out later that they’d slowed the whole kitchen down because new orders couldn’t be called while they were there.

Chef was being nice to them as he got farther and farther in the weeds.

Seriously.