I’d rather be sailing…

I missed yesterday, so there are two posts today.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Most of my younger friends, would never believe that I have not always been an overweight middle aged man.

In fact, at one time you might call me attractive.

Might.

If your glasses were foggy and you hadn’t had cataract surgery.

However, I did okay for myself.

When I lived in Atlanta, I never really had a boyfriend.

Well, I had one for about 5 minutes. But that’s a story for another day.

I did date a bit. Although not much. I was too busy living my best life.

There are a few men who stand out in Atlanta. Matt, the boyfriend. Chris who tried to get me to like red wine. Dave, the artist. The guy whose name I’ll remember later, who went on to make a huge fortune in designing chandeliers. Tony, who I stayed in contact with and of course.

And Shel the furniture distributor.

This story is about Shel.

I have no idea, how we met.

I do remember our first date.

We had lunch, in the spring, at a café that over looked Piedmont Park.

He picked me up in his baby blue Mercedes convertible, and was the perfect gentleman.

He was easily 45, with a weathered appearance, that gave the impression he’d grown up on a sailboat. His face was tanned, and his hair was blondish grey. His eyes, were crystal blue and he spoke with a slight Norwegian accent.

The only thing I know about his wealth, was that he and his Norwegian family, owned a European furniture company and distribution center.

I never asked. He didn’t offer up much information.

We were never exclusive. We’d go out to mostly lunches, and early dinners. He’d drive me around town in the convertible and I felt like royalty. He was wicked funny, and very sweet.

His apartment, was in a high rise, and it had beautiful views of Atlanta.

One of the memories that I remember clearly was going to Neiman Marcuss with him where he was picking up and paying for pants that had been altered for him. When he paid, the register said $750. In 1988. What the fucking fuck.

He was in excellent shape and looked as good out of clothes as he did in his $750 pants. He really was beautiful.

We dated casually throughout the summer, and then our summer romance kind of fizzled. I don’t remember a conversation. I don’t remember a break up. I just remember one day I had a friend with a powder blue Mercedes convertible and the next day I didn’t.

Truth be told, I probably have his old phone number written in an address book in a box in my closet. And for the life of my I can’t remember his last name, which was Norwegian.

For a moment though, my star shone brightly.

WORLDS TO CHANGE, AND WORLDS TO WIN, OUR TURN COMING THROUGH, ME AND YOU MAN, ME AND YOU.

I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

Back at Bennigan’s.

Winter turned to spring, and then spring to summer.

I was starting to live my authentic life.

It was the first time, that I’d been able to be out and proud as they say.

It felt as though a 1,000 pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

There have been a million studies about the toll that hiding in the closet takes on a gay person’s mental and physical health.

The lying.

The scheming.

The pretending.

The absolute fear that you live with daily.

And that’s without the constant verbal and physical beating that many gay people take as they pass through life.

It’s exhausting to say the least.

It’s the reason that so many LGBT people become addicted to sex, drugs, and alcohol.

You truly needed something to numb the pain and get rid of the fear that is always just below the surface.

At 22, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

The door was open.

At least in Atlanta.

For the first time ever, I was living out loud.

And it wasn’t just about being gay.

I was going to bars. I was seeing theater. I was trying new restaurants, and ultimately new food. I was being exposed to culture that did not exist in a small rural town.

Who knew brunch was a thing, when you grow up in a small, dry, town in Kentucky?

I don’t think my dance card had or has ever been more filled than the two years I lived down south.

It was part growing up, part going through my juvenile years as a gay man, learning to date and be an adult. It was also part coming to terms with who I was, who I wanted to be, and learning to accept that — warts and all.

The lack of fear that I presented still astounds me. I was bold and not shy, and would put myself out there in a heartbeat. I sometimes wonder what happened to that young man.

I’m far from through writing about Atlanta in the late 80’s.

Stay tuned.

There is more to come.