I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I have a fair number of friends who are in the dating pool.

I don’t envy them.

I can’t imagine at my age, putting myself out there like that.

I also missed dating apps, as the closest things to that in my day was AOL Chat rooms.

Adam and I met before Grinder, Tinder, Bumble, Match and Christian Mingle.

I think at this point, I’d embrace my singleness, or join a convent.

As I said, I do have a number of friends who are in the dating pool. And IT IS fun to live vicariously through them.

I’ve sat at a bar, swiping left with a female friend before.

Another friend just dated someone from online, and I was excited as she was when he texted back. I was probably not as disappointed as her when she discovered he was a jerk.

I was texting with another friend yesterday, and she said she was going on a date with someone this weekend.

I asked all the questions I ask.

1. What’s his name?
2. How old is he?
3. Does he have a job?
4. Can he support himself.
5. Is he married.
6. Does he have kids?
7. Where does he live?
8. How did you meet?
9. What kind of car does he drive?
10. And most importantly, have you stalked him on social media? We need to know what he looks like.

I start asking the questions, and I get to question 2 and she says he’s 61.

And I think, why the fuck are you dating someone so much older than you. He’s too old.

About 90 seconds later, I hear the sound of a record scratching. Breaks applied.

OMG.

That’s how old I am. That’s almost how old she is. He’s not old. He’s age appropriate.

When the fuck did 61 become age appropriate for someone my age?

In my head, I’m 35.

But when I’m 59 and they are 61, that’s exactly the right gap.

I didn’t share any of this with her.

But I have thought about it a bit over the past 24 hours.

I will say, at my last job, we hosted several wedding dinners for people much older than me, so there is still hope for my single friends.

But.

The moral of the story is, I’m glad I’m not single, but if any of my dating friends want to chat, I’ll be happy to listen, and live vicariously through you.