I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

10 days ago, Adam and I went to Norway, Maine with 3 other couples. We’ve done this a number of times. At least a couple of times before we moved here, and three or four times since.

We’ve always enjoyed the chance to get away, sit in front of a fire, sip on a bourbon or glass of wine, and eat great food we all prepare as a team.

This time was no different.

We also enjoy playing games.

One of the games we played this time was “Intrusive Questions.”

Two of the couples had come up with 200 questions of a personal nature that we could ask while, doing other things and we’d all take turn answering. There were a few questions that might have been a bit personal for some people, however in general, I’ve been an open book most of my later life.

I don’t have a lot of things I hide, that I am ashamed of, or that would bother me if people knew. I’d be surprised if any of you didn’t already know this, as I share a great deal of my life online.

There were an assortment of questions like:

If you HAD to eat one vat of anything, what would it be:

For me it was vanilla ice cream. I love all vanilla ice creams. The cheap grocery store brand, the organic fancy ones, or even soft serve from Dairy Queen. Even if it’s not even really ice cream like at McDonald’s.

If you had to call someone and say thank you, I love you, I’m sorry, and fuck you, who would those people be and why?

If you could trade lives with anyone here this weekend, who would it be and why?

If you could read anyone’s mind dead or alive just for a day, who would you choose?

You get the idea.

The funny part of the night was that except for one question, I always answered right away. Without thinking.

The answer would come to me. I never wavered or wanted to change my mind after others started to answer.

One of the questions was:

What is your least favorite personality trait:

Without thinking, I said, I interrupt people when they are talking to me.

And I do.

I’ve known this since forever.

I had a colleague, who yelled at me in a meeting to stop interrupting him. I hope he sees this and know that I still think about that. Not badly, just knowing that it was the beginning of me working on trying to stop.

As I’ve gotten older, I concentrate on listening.

I practice, choosing my words.

I try to stay quiet while others are sharing their voice.

But it’s a struggle and I’d say I am successful about 49% of the time.

It truly is a struggle.

It’s even worse, when it’s something I’m passionate about like the restaurant business, or theater.

I get excited and want to share my thoughts.

When it does happen, I spend the rest of the conversation apologizing for interrupting.

Just like I often share with people my struggle with anxiety and depression, I l have learned as I have gotten older to share with people that I know that I do this. I apologize as it happens. And sometimes, sit on my hands to try and keep quiet and still.

I know why it happens, but it doesn’t make it easier.

It’s from excitement.

Anxiety.

Growing up being told to keep quiet. You should be seen and not hear.

Having my opinion ignored as a child and young adult.

Being told that I wasn’t smart enough to know what I was talking about.

Having to shout over others to be a part of the group.

I could go on.

And I’m always embarrassed when it happens.

I called last week to talk to a manager about something that happened while having repairs done on our furnace. And I talked over the manager the whole time. I just could not control myself.

I wasn’t even upset or yelling.

But I ended up apologizing and ending the phone call. He probably thought I was crazy.

And I guess in a way I am.

Just know that at 58, I continue to work on this.

Every day.

Every minute.