I’d like to speak to the manager!!!

I live in Maine.  

It’s April 21^st.  The temperature today was in the low 40’s.  I just checked and at 7:55 p.m. the current temp is 38*.  It’s still fucking cold and we are approaching May 1^st.  We are ready to turn the off the furnace and pull out the shorts and t-shirts.  

When we said we were moving to Maine, AND when we tell people we live in Maine, everyone, and I do mean everyone, mentions the winters.  I have to admit that when Adam and I discussed moving here, we never considered the winters.  We just wanted to live near our friends and be out of the city.  

Next month will mark 14 years since we moved here.  Seriously.  How did that happen? 

And, after 14 winters in Maine, I can honestly say, they aren’t that bad.  Yes.  They are long.  We still have the heat on.  Most people are still wearing coats.  We had real snow in the west yesterday, and flurries here in Portland.  And let me remind you once again, that’s it’s late April. 

What I can say, is that Portland winters don’t even come close to comparing to mid-western winters.  In 2007, I took a job teaching at Grinnell College in Iowa.  It’s in the middle of the state, halfway between Iowa City and Des Moines.  For my NYC friends, to get to Iowa, you cross the George Washington Bridge, which is where I-80 begins and drive west for about 17 hours and you’ll find yourself in Grinnell.  

First and foremost, my experience in Grinnell was wonderful.  Some of the best theater folk I’ve ever worked with.  Hands down one of the best TDs.  And my first design there, to this day is one of my top 3 shows.  It was such a wonderful experience, and was so successful that I aspire every show to be as amazing.  

 But.  

Iowa in the winter is fucking cold.  

I lived about a mile from the school.  I did not have a car.  I would bundle myself up in my heavy winter coat, gloves, scarf, and hat and trek to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  My path to school took me past a classic bank building with a digital clock and temperature sign.  When I first got there, it was just kind of cold.  32*.  24*.  19*

Then winter hit.  

First, there was an ice storm.  I never lost power on my side of the street, but across the street they didn’t have power for about three days.  

Then the temperature dropped.  For more than a week it was -20*.  I know this, because I would walk by the bank with the sign and it would say, -19*.  -21*.  -20*.  

Two fucking straight weeks. 

On those days there was no hope of staying warm.  You just held your breath and marched head first into the storm.  

Meanwhile, in Maine.  

It gets cold, but hardly ever below 0*.  It snows, but the state knows how to deal with it.  If it snowed a foot tonight, and stopped at 6:00 a.m.  By noon, the streets would be cleared.  Like, it never snowed at all cleared.  My little side street, would have been plowed a dozen times, and the main roads would be completely clear.  

So yes, Maine winters are long.   But given the choice of wintering in Portland or wintering in Iowa, I’d choose Portland every single time.  

Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that it’s 60* in Grinnell tonight.  

My prompt tonight was ice.